


Constant Daze

by haldoor



Category: Lost
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Love/Hate, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-27
Updated: 2012-01-27
Packaged: 2017-10-30 05:58:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 77,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/328519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haldoor/pseuds/haldoor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>Warnings:</b> Casual sex, and unsafe sex by today's standards.  Please bear in mind this is set before AIDS awareness hit in the eighties, and condoms were seldom used by homosexuals at the time.<br/><b>Disclaimer:</b> I don't own Lost or any of the characters; I make no money from writing this.<br/><b>Beta:</b> The always wonderful <b>siluria</b>!<br/><b>Graphics:</b> The banner was made especially for the story by <b>janie_tangerine</b> when I asked her to lend me a hand.  Thanks again!  The first chapter is dedicated to Janie!  *hugs*<br/><b>Summary:</b> Sawyer is the lead singer, Jack plays keyboard & rhythm guitar, Sayid's the lead guitarist, Charlie plays bass, & Desmond is the drummer.  The relationship between Sawyer and Jack isn't really sexual; they write music together.  But what happened some years earlier, and what's happening now between each of them and others is complicated.</p><div class="center">
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  <a href="http://s22.photobucket.com/albums/b346/haldoor/other%20fic/?action=view&current=CD-banner-janie_tangerine.png">
    <img/></a>
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            </blockquote>





	1. Boone

**Author's Note:**

> I got this bunny for a rock band AU back in S4 of Lost, hence the band's name, and it also may go some way to explaining some of the characters' personalities, since there were some changes after that in the show. This story is set in the mid-seventies; way before cell phones and computers ruled our lives and before music was even on CDs, let alone downloadable online! Constant Daze is an up-and-coming band in a similar style to Bad Company. Most of the het relationships mentioned are pre-story.
> 
> The lyrics used in each chapter are from songs by Bad Company.
> 
> This story was originally posted on LiveJournal last year.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the story begins the band is more than halfway through a tour of the western states of America and things are starting to hot up.

_Well I take whatever I want  
And baby I want you  
You give me something I need  
Now tell me I got something for you_

'Can't Get Enough' Bad Company

Sawyer flopped off Boone's body and lay flat on his back, closing his eyes and letting his breathing even out. He patted the boy's ass with his nearest hand and muttered, "That was good."

"Better than Shannon?" Boone asked, shifting to get his arms under his head and peer at Sawyer.

"Hell, yeah," Sawyer agreed without opening his eyes, "You're much tighter. Give better head too."

Boone smirked proudly, watching Sawyer's face. He wasn't stupid; he knew Sawyer only screwed him sometimes because the thought of him going off with a _boy_ drove Jack mad. Why Sawyer liked to drive Jack crazy so often he wasn't sure, because it wasn't like Jack was gay. Sawyer annoyed Jack endlessly, so how they even managed to play in the same band amazed Boone sometimes. But Jack was… well, Boone liked Jack a whole lot more than he liked Sawyer, in the end. But Sawyer was easier and about as close to Jack as Boone was likely to get.

"So why do you like to stir Jack up so much?" he asked now, unable to resist his favourite topic.

"Jack's an uptight asshole," Sawyer replied easily, opening his eyes and smirking at Boone. "It's the only fun I get, apart from onstage."

"What about all the chicks?"

"Oh yeah, them too." Sawyer's sexy smirk was broad.

"So, you and Jack. How long have you known each other now?"

Sawyer rolled his eyes and stared at the ceiling, his hand lightly stroking Boone's bare ass. "About eight years. Since we started the band. But you know that. You just wanna get me going on your favourite subject, don't cha?" He offered Boone a knowing look.

Boone grinned. "Well, he barely talks to me, how else am I gonna find out more about him?"

"You know most of it already by now, I'd'a thought?"

"Maybe." Boone shrugged, looking away.

"Anyway, the repressed bastard ain't about to get more relaxed just 'cause I'm fucking his biggest fan," Sawyer announced, giving Boone's ass one last squeeze before rolling over to find a cigarette.

Boone snorted, watching Sawyer light up the smoke. He was so sexy when he did that. Mind you, there wasn't much that Sawyer did that wasn't sexy. No wonder he had women—and men—falling all over themselves to screw him. Including both Boone and his sister, Shannon, who were following the band on tour this year.

They'd both fallen in love with Constant Daze the first gig they went to, and had been to every show they could since then. Shannon just wanted to 'let her love flow' as the Bellamy Brothers would have said, and had tried her hardest to work her way through the band members' beds, although Jack's, as ever, was the one she still couldn't manage to get into, try as she might. Sawyer, of course, had been dead easy.

Boone was more into the deep secrets hidden behind the band's piano player and rhythm guitarist's hazel eyes, but the only insight he'd gained in the last couple of years was from sleeping with Sawyer, the sensual and open lead singer, who you could just imagine in bed with you as he made love to the microphone and the audience on stage every time.

The rest of the band didn't interest Boone overmuch, although they were good musicians and easy enough to get on with backstage.

Desmond, the wild haired and boozy drummer was everyone's 'brother', and although he sometimes gave in to insistent females like Shannon, he was clearly smitten with his one true love, Penny. She was usually on tour with him, in any case, and able to fend off his unwanted admirers with ease and aplomb.

Then there was happy-go-lucky Charlie, the bass player, who'd fallen for Claire, the Australian groupie that had been hanging with Boone and Shannon for some of the tour, until Charlie asked her to go with him. She was sweet, if a little naïve about what he did when she wasn't looking, but Boone was pretty sure he cared more than it appeared. He never hurt people on purpose, but then who did?

The last member of the band was still a bit of an enigma to Boone. Sayid was new to the group, having just joined during their recently finished tour of the UK. He was a lead guitarist of amazing ability, and if it wasn't for his Middle Eastern heritage, Boone thought he'd probably have been snapped up by someone bigger than Constant Daze in a second. He had replaced Ethan, an all-American player with a huge drug habit that had finally pushed him out of the band and into the annals of history along with all the other 27-year-old dopers who had died too soon. As far as Boone was concerned, Sayid had more talent, and Ethan had wasted so many opportunities, spending most of his time living the band's name out in reality. But he wasn't one of the song-writers, and his passing was already forgotten by half the fans.

Sayid was… well, he was gorgeous, frankly, but Boone didn't dare go near him, usually. He had this way of looking disdainfully down his nose at people like Boone, like he couldn't understand why a grown man could moon over the members of a band the way he did. He didn't seem so averse to Shannon's attentions though, Boone thought wryly, quirking up his mouth in a half-smile.

Reaching out to steal Sawyer's cigarette, Boone wondered if the other members of the band, apart from Jack, really cared who Sawyer screwed. Boone thought his bisexuality something of an open secret with them, but the man didn't exactly advertise who he took to his hotel room on nights like tonight - aside from letting Jack know, that was.

Jack, who Sawyer insisted on winding up at every opportunity.

"You ever try to get Jack into bed?" Boone tried, feeling brave for some reason. He'd never asked that before.

"Jack?" Sawyer looked at him in surprise, stealing his smoke back and taking a deep drag. "He's as uptight as they come. He'd never sleep with a guy."

"Are you in love with him?"

Sawyer almost choked on the cigarette, then he laughed. "Fuck, no! That's your job, ain't it, California?"

"It never occurred to you to try getting into his pants?" Boone ignored the implication.

"It occurred to me, sure; but he ain't my type. Anyway, I'm not gay."

"What do you call this, then?" Boone rolled onto his back to show his obvious masculinity.

"I call this a good time," Sawyer said, his smirk growing. "You up for another round, boy?"

Boone smiled and reached for Sawyer again.

Sawyer stubbed out the cigarette and dragged Boone closer, filling his mouth with his smoky breath and heated tongue. Boone melted into it, reaching for Sawyer's already firming cock and pressing his own reawakened hard-on into the man's thigh.

"C'mere and ride me this time, huh?" Sawyer suggested, grinning at him.

Boone liked being on top almost as much as Sawyer liked him to do it, so he happily obliged, not bothering with more lube or other preparation, having already been fucked into the mattress once. Sliding himself slowly down onto Sawyer's hot prick, Boone closed his eyes and imagined it was Jack under him as the other man's warm hands grasped his hips firmly and began to rock him.

"Oh, so fuckin' good." Sawyer moaned like something out of a bad porno.

Boone didn't care though, he just kept moving. Sawyer grunted and thrust up harder, gripping his hips firmly enough to bruise. Boone knew Sawyer didn't care so much about his pleasure—although it always felt pretty damned good when he was inside Boone—so he wound a hand around his own cock and began stroking, thinking about Jack's strong hands playing his flesh like he stroked his piano keyboard, all relaxed and easy but with total attention to detail.

It didn't take much, not with Sawyer's hard flesh moving inside him as he touched himself. Sawyer grunted more loudly as Boone contracted around his cock, coming wetly over both of them, and then Sawyer was tensing and emptying himself inside Boone.

"Fuck," Sawyer gasped, pulling him off bodily and dropping Boone back to the tangled sheets next to him.

"Mmm," Boone murmured, imagining curling up next to Jack and feeding him the come from his sticky fingers.

But Sawyer didn't do that; he left all the licking and sucking to Boone. He'd wrinkled his nose and looked at Boone like he was sick the one time he'd suggested the man try it. Somehow, Boone doubted Jack would be so one-sided if he went with him - not that he ever would, being so steadfastly straight and all. Juliet, his cold and austere girlfriend, was one lucky bitch, presuming they actually slept together. Boone giggled to himself at the thought of her directing Jack exactly where to put it and how fast to move.

"What's so funny, Sunshine?" Sawyer asked as he wiped the come off his belly with the crumpled sheet

"Nothing." Boone grabbed at the sheet to clean his fingers. He got off the bed and found his jeans, kicking into them before pulling his t-shirt over his head. "I better go."

"Good," Sawyer rasped, settling back in the pillows and dragging the sheet up to his waist.

Boone gave him a lop-sided smile, and bent to pull on his boots. Sawyer didn't give a shit about anyone really, and Boone was glad he wasn't in love with the bastard. Jack, for all that he practically ignored Boone, was a much better person and far more worthy of his adoration. But the sex with Sawyer was pretty hot, he had to admit; that was the main reason he came back for more any time Sawyer showed interest. That, and the fact that he knew more about Jack than anyone else, except maybe Juliet; not that Boone was going to get all cosy with her to ask as many questions as he did with Sawyer. He really couldn't imagine anyone getting cosy with her.

"Seeya," Boone offered casually, blowing Sawyer a kiss just to piss him off.

Sawyer gave him an unamused smile. "Sure, darlin'. Don't trip over your tongue if you see Jack in the hallway."

Boone shook his head as he shut the door, running a hand through his tousled hair. "I should be so lucky," he murmured to himself.

Looking up, he was surprised to see Sayid standing at the end of the hallway, leaning against a wall and smoking what smelled like a joint. The man eyed him quietly, and took another drag. Boone glanced back at the door he'd exited, wondering if Sayid knew whose room it was, then ambled as casually as he could towards the guitarist. Sayid watched him approach, but still said nothing.

"Can I have a puff?" Boone asked, sure Sayid would turn him down.

Sayid shrugged and held out the joint in elegant fingers. Boone didn't normally smoke pot, preferring to have his faculties in place in case he did something wholly inappropriate around Jack. He took the joint carefully and put it to his lips.

"So pretty," Sayid remarked, his eyes sweeping over Boone's figure. "Do you always let Sawyer fuck you whenever he wants?"

Boone held the smoke in, studying Sayid's eyes as he handed the joint back. He looked pretty stoned, and Boone wondered why he cared. Perhaps he was more caught up in his religion than he appeared. Homosexuality was even more of a sin to Muslims, or so Boone thought. His own Catholic background wasn't so hot on it, but at least they didn't chop people's hands off… or worse.

Finally letting out the smoke, Boone answered, "He's hot, what can I say?"

"I thought it was Jack you liked?" Sayid said, query in his eyes as he took another drag.

"It is, but he's straight." Boone leaned casually against the wall opposite Sayid. "And Sawyer likes me, so…" He finished the sentence with a shrug.

"Sawyer doesn't generally go with boys though, does he? I've seen him with plenty of girls."

"As far as I know, I'm the only one," Boone agreed, nodding.

Sayid smoked silently for a moment, then held the joint out to Boone again across the hallway. Taking it, Boone took another deep pull and offered it back, closing his eyes and leaning back again. He was feeling pretty mellow now; the sex and the drug combined were relaxing him wonderfully.

"Do you really like the music, or are you just here for Jack and Sawyer to play with?" Sayid asked, making Boone open his eyes again.

"What do you care?" Boone frowned for a moment. "Jack doesn't play with me at all; he barely speaks to me."

"Jack'd be in your position in a heartbeat," Sayid said, sultry eyes travelling over Boone's slim figure.

Boone snorted. "No he wouldn't. He doesn't like how Sawyer spreads himself around. He's got morals. He'd never sleep with as many people as Sawyer does."

"Is that what you think?" Sayid raised his eyebrows, then took another pull on the joint.

"Of course," Boone replied, "and anyway, he has a _girlfriend_. He's so not gay, it's not funny. Not for me, anyway." He dropped his eyes, studying his scuffed toes.

"Oh, I don't know," Sayid murmured, causing Boone to look up in surprise.

"Why would you say that?" he asked, sure the shock must be showing on his face.

"You didn't see the expression on his face when you and Sawyer left the room together. Maybe it's you he wants, but after the way he and Sawyer act when they're together, I doubt it." Sayid gave him a cool look, drawing more smoke into his lungs.

"Give me that," Boone demanded, stepping closer to get the joint and taking an even longer hit. "Don't make me think…" he managed, after letting the smoke out again, "He's not gay. He's not even bi, like Sawyer. He isn't." He shook his head to emphasise the point. How dare Sayid suggest such a thing? Even if Jack was the least bit gay—which he wasn't—he certainly wasn't interested in Sawyer; he couldn't be.

Sayid shook his own head, a small smile across his lips. He scratched his eyebrow, and then put the joint, which he'd delicately removed from Boone's hand in the interim, back into his mouth. Boone retreated to his side of the hallway, hands behind him, and glared at Sayid. The good feelings had disappeared with Sayid's words.

Continuing to smoke quietly, Sayid turned his eyes back to Boone after a few moments. Boone glowered at him, unsure why he was still standing there. Sayid's eyes flashed with something and suddenly Boone felt hot all over. What the fuck was that? A slow smile started on the other man's face and he coolly lifted the joint back to his mouth. Boone couldn't help watching his lips caress the tip of the hand-rolled cigarette as he inhaled, and a shiver ran right through him as Sayid's tongue-tip flicked out when he removed the joint from his mouth.

Boone found his breathing had sped up and Sayid was studying him like a snake about to consume some animal whole.

"Fuck," he whispered, and took a step away from the wall.

The light and shadows danced around them, the walls shimmering unevenly like they were made of jelly. Boone let out the breath he hadn't even realised he was holding, and stumbled past Sayid, heading for the stairway. Laughter echoed behind him as he practically fell down the steps, gasping hard, his heart beating a wild tattoo inside his chest.

By the time he made it across the parking lot to his car, he was feeling nauseous and, grasping the door handle, doubled over, spewing hot bile onto the ground under him.

 _Fuck!_ What on earth was in that dope?

Spitting for a few minutes afterwards, Boone straightened up, scowling at the mess at his feet. He dug for the car keys and, stepping carefully over the vomit, glanced back up at the hotel as he climbed into the car. He thought he could see Sayid's dark form at the stairwell window, but he couldn't be sure. What the fuck had that been about?

Shaking his head at his own foolishness, he shakily turned the key, getting the little car underway. Shannon was probably screwing one of the roadies tonight and wouldn't be back to their cheap motel until morning, thankfully. He could use a hot shower and some tea to shake off the drug and Sayid's heated look from his memory.

~//~//~


	2. Sayid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sayid is amused by the antics between Jack and Sawyer, and how Boone adds to the entertainment.

_In the company of strangers  
You find the enemy within, no, no  
And the walls that capture evil  
Keep the faith from getting in_

'Company of Strangers' Bad Company

Laughing as Boone took off down the stairs like the hounds of hell were after him, Sayid couldn't resist going into the stairwell and seeing what the boy did when he emerged from the door of the hotel. The throwing up was a surprise, but he should have guessed that a pretty boy like that would be the emotional type. He was so hooked on Jack and had him so high up on a pedestal, any thought that the man was less than the perfect picture he'd painted was likely to set him off. 

Sayid found the boy groupie an easy target; his love-sick antics over Jack too nauseous to be believed most days. How easily the kid let himself be used by Sawyer, simply because sleeping with their lead singer was as close to fucking Jack as he was likely to get. 

Sayid retreated back up the steps, stubbing out the joint in an ashtray on the way and seeking his own room.

The sleepy girl in the bed muttered something at him and he told her, "You can fuck off now."

She sat up properly, the bedding falling from her pert young breasts as she pouted at him. "Come on, Sayid-" 

He cut her off smartly, "Shannon, you just missed your ride, but I'm sure Ben or someone will find you somewhere to sleep. Now get the fuck out of my room."

Not waiting for her answer, he moved through to the bathroom and locked the door to ensure she didn't follow. Why he'd taken her to bed again, he didn't know. The easy slut was worse than her pretty brother, sleeping with anyone who seemed to have anything remotely to do with the band. He had already let her in once or twice, feeling stupidly sorry for her and horny, but it was a mistake to lead her on any further. He didn't need any liabilities hanging round his neck.

Stripping off his clothes, he climbed into the shower and let the water wash over him. His thoughts immediately went back to earlier that night and how Jack and Sawyer had been acting: pretty much the same routine they went through most nights when they were performing, from what Sayid could see, until right near the end of the night.

~//~

"Come on, pretty boy, wanna see a good time?" Sawyer asked Boone as he passed by, dragging the boy into his lap where he was sprawled easily over a wide chair in the backstage lounge.

Sayid's eyes narrowed, his attention drawn from where he sat with Shannon playing with the drink he'd been nursing for about an hour. Shannon was spouting some tripe she'd heard via a friend of a friend about another guitarist who could actually pick the song out over his shoulder like Hendrix… and Sayid had long since lost interest. Jack was on the couch opposite Sawyer, and Sayid knew the two men had been bickering as they usually did; some vague argument over whether Jack had hit a bum note during 'Island Gold' in the set tonight.

Ben, their manager, was chatting with Miles and Frank – two of the roadies – down the other end of the room, and barely flicked a glance as Sawyer started groping Boone. Miles and Frank both had girls leaning into them, and didn't appear to notice what Sawyer was doing.

The rest of the band and their girls had long since disappeared, and most of the after-gig stragglers and hangers-on apart from the three girl groupies and Boone had dispersed when no-one seemed interested in them. Sayid had been a little surprised when Sawyer didn't claim someone for his bed – he was usually the one all the girls wanted, and the first to disappear with some pretty thing.

Boone wriggled around on Sawyer's lap for a few moments, but Jack's sour frown as he picked up his glass for another drink seemed to upset him. The boy blushed furiously and struggled upright, slapping Sawyer's hands away as he tried to pull Boone back.

"Asshole," Boone muttered half-heartedly, giving Jack an apologetic look as if Jack might be waiting for him later or something. 

Sayid smirked, a low hum of laughter not quite making it out of his throat. Jack barely paid any attention to Boone, who was smitten with him going by the way he'd been hanging out wherever Jack was over the months they'd been on tour. Sayid wasn't sure how Shannon and Boone managed to afford to follow the band everywhere, but there was family money in the background, going by most of what he ever bothered to listen to that spewed from Shannon's mouth. 

Boone was quieter at least, and seemed rather in awe of Sayid, so didn't have a lot to do with him. He also didn't appear to aim to get into anyone's pants, to Sayid's surprise. Well, apart from Jack's, presumably, although Sayid had never seen much in the way of flirting between them. Anyway, Jack seemed steadfastly straight. That was… apart from the under-currents between him and Sawyer,. 

Jack had this stunningly handsome woman, Juliet, along with him at different times on the tour, but she disappeared off to who knew where every few days and then would reappear after a couple of weeks, looking as immaculate and disapproving as ever. She rarely talked to any of the others – especially not the women, who all seemed to dislike her as intensely as she looked down on them. Sayid found it hard to imagine she actually slept with Jack, but who knew? He certainly didn't seem to go for the groupies who were usually hanging about, and even Shannon hadn't got into his bed yet, though she'd never really given up trying.

"Sayid?" Shannon was saying. He'd been dreaming, imagining what was going through Sawyer's mind as he grabbed at Boone and studied Jack's reactions.

"Mmm?" he murmured, looking back at her for a moment.

"You dreaming up another song?" she asked, eagerly, and when he nodded, barely caring what she thought, she rushed into some spiel about the time Sawyer got inspired for the lyrics of one of the band's most recent songs because she pointed out how blue the sky was in Arizona or something equally as pathetic. 

Sayid shut her voice out again and tuned back into Jack and Sawyer's conversation once more. He kept his head facing Shannon, not that she even seemed to notice, but his eyes were on the two men.

Boone was at the drinks table, pouring another couple of glasses of bourbon for Jack and Sawyer. The roadies had started to get up, girls twisting and stumbling with them out of the door to the room. Ben stood up too, stretching his legs and staring in Shannon's direction as if he hoped she'd give Sayid the flick in favour of him. Some hope, Sayid rued, although he supposed he could do the bastard a favour by pushing her at him...

"Did you see that hot babe in the front row while I was singing 'Just Hold Me'?" Sawyer was saying now, "Her nipples were hard as little rocks when I gave her a wink. I could've dragged her up on stage then and there and fucked her and I bet she'd have let me. But she disappeared after that, didn't see her again. I was kinda surprised she wasn't waitin' for me backstage, actually."

This was accompanied by a leering grin, and Jack winced as Boone handed him his drink. "Must you always be so crude?" he asked, casually adding, "Thanks" with a brief glance at Boone.

"Crude is my middle name, baby," Sawyer grinned, eyeing Boone hungrily as the boy leaned down to give him his filled glass. He took it from him and placed it on a side table. "C'mere, sweets, Jack Squat ain't gonna give you any. Let Uncle Sawyer show you how good it feels when he gets going."

With that, he grabbed Boone's wrist and pulled him back into his lap, holding him down before the boy could protest. He waggled his eyebrows over Boone's shoulder at Jack, who shook his head slightly, curling his lip in disgust. Ben huffed a small laugh and shot Sayid and Shannon one last pathetic look, then turned and left the room without a sound. He was probably used to Sawyer's theatrics.

Sawyer's grin became more predatory as he forcefully turned Boone's head, thrusting his tongue into the surprised boy's mouth. Boone still struggled at first, but suddenly he gave up, touching Sawyer's hand and half-turning in his lap, returning the open kiss with enthusiasm. Sawyer didn't seem in the least perturbed; he simply continued the kiss, his hands straying down Boone's front and one of them coming to rest on what looked like an interesting bulge between Boone's legs.

Jack sighed heavily and downed the rest of his drink. 

Shannon was still rabbiting on in Sayid's peripheral vision as he watched the tableau in front of him, intrigued. He had no idea Sawyer did boys, but it wasn't altogether surprising. He'd seen a few of them sidle up to Sawyer at different times, acting like he was so cool they'd suck his dick for free if he'd just give them an autograph. And Sawyer was an easy guy to be around, casual touches and carefree jokes shared indiscriminately with men and women alike, but Sayid had never seen him act quite the way he was tonight. 

What Sayid had seen on occasion was Sawyer offering Jack thoughtful gazes from time to time, which Sayid took to mean there was some kind of sexual tension between them that they probably weren't even aware of. He'd seen Jack's eyes on Sawyer in similar fashion too. But this kind of deliberate ploy to get a rise out of Jack's seemingly sexually repressed character was new to Sayid. He hadn't known them long though, so perhaps it happened more than he thought. Jack did seem extremely disturbed by it, which could be put down to his attitude to homosexuality, but perhaps there was more…

Boone and Sawyer were still playing the longest game of tonsil hockey Sayid could ever recall seeing as Jack stood up and moved over to the drinks table once more. Sawyer's hand was openly stroking Boone's crotch now, and Boone's hips were rocking into the touch. Sawyer's other hand crept up the inside of Boone's t-shirt.

Jack turned back with drink in hand, watching them for a second and then spat irritably, "Get a room, asshole, or leave the kid alone."

Boone drew away from the kiss at that, looking embarrassed as he struggled out of Sawyer's arms. Sawyer's easy grin grew wider as he shifted his hips forward on the chair a little, the tight jeans outlining his hard-on perfectly. A frisson of lust spiralled right through Sayid at the action, but Sawyer wasn't watching him. 

His eyes were glued to Jack's. 

The look of disgust in Jack's eyes was obvious, and the other two men held each other's gaze for a few seconds before Jack looked away. Sawyer laughed, a dirty sound to it, something that suggested blowjobs in back alleys to Sayid, and he wondered if he was wrong about Jack; perhaps there was something between them, or had been at some stage.

His attention was distracted by Shannon getting up. Even she seemed to notice something was amiss.

"I'm going to the powder room," she announced, "Will you still be here when I get back?"

"Most likely," Sayid replied, downing a larger gulp from his drink than he had so far all evening.

Shannon smiled tightly at him and walked across the room to whisper something in an embarrassed-looking Boone's ears. The boy glanced back at Jack, frowning, and then scowled harder at her. "No!" he exclaimed, shaking his head, "Of course not!"

Sayid wondered what she had asked him, but decided it barely mattered. Shannon gave Boone one last hard stare and left the room. Sayid sipped more carefully at his drink and waited to see what happened next.

Jack sat down again, crossing one leg over the other, so there was no telling if he'd been aroused by anything he'd seen thus far, but Sawyer was on his feet, strolling over to where Boone leaned uneasily on the drinks table, looking incredibly young and nervous. Sayid assumed he was over the age of consent, although he could easily pass for younger. Shannon had told him their ages once, but he couldn't remember now.

Sawyer stopped in front of the youth. "C'mon, darlin', what say you and I keep each other company for a while, huh?" Sawyer drawled, his voice pitched low and sexy. He reached out a hand and stroked Boone's hip, his thumb slipping under the edge of the boy's t-shirt, and Boone, still somewhat flushed, closed his eyes as the man moved closer. "Jack said we should get a room, and I happen to have one. Wanna come with me?"

They seemed to have forgotten Sayid was even in the room, which suited him just fine. He didn't think he'd be getting this amazing show if they had realised.

Jack seemed to ignore the pair for now, although Sayid saw how tightly his drink was clutched in his hands as he took another large swallow. Boone opened his eyes and offered Jack a look, but the man wasn't playing. Sawyer was practically grinding into Boone's groin by now, and at the lack of reaction from Jack, Boone sighed and nodded, letting Sawyer circle an arm around his shoulder. As the two left the room, Sawyer's mouth was close to the pretty boy's ear, whispering something that sounded dirty from where Sayid sat, although he couldn't catch the words.

Jack turned to watch them leave, his face a mix of emotions. He sighed and took another gulp from his glass, then shook his head, rolling his eyes and uncrossing his legs. Sayid couldn't help the look towards Jack's crotch, but his pants weren't as tight as Sawyer's and any arousal wasn't obvious.

"Have you ever touched him?" Sayid asked, making Jack start. So he really had been forgotten.

"What?" Jack asked, looking angry once more.

"Sawyer. His skin is like smooth golden butter, firm to the touch but incredibly silky and sensuous," Sayid said, a smile quirking one corner of his mouth.

"You… you've done something with him?" Jack asked, clearly stunned.

"Not what you're thinking; not what he's going to do with that boy, but yes, I've touched his skin," Sayid said, standing up and moving to take the seat Sawyer had been in. "On stage, when he gets close, sometimes. You've seen him, he invites it. In the last set when he lets his shirt hang open, sometimes he passes me so closely, and when the drum solo comes in 'Tied to Your Heart' I have my hands free for a moment. One time, and I really don't think anyone saw, I brushed my hand over his belly and hip; he was… intoxicating."

Jack's mouth had dropped open as Sayid spoke, but now he closed it with a snap before giving Sayid a harsh look. "You don't even go for guys, Sayid. Don't try fucking with my head like he does. It won't work."

"He seemed to be doing a pretty good job of it," Sayid smirked, "and at a guess, I'd say he wants you where he has Boone right about now."

Jack huffed a small laugh, looking down into his glass and then swallowing the rest of the liquid in it. "No he doesn't. He just likes to show me up for the anally retentive type he thinks I am. He hasn't got any sexual interest in me, or even in Boone, really. He just enjoys fucking me off. Always has."

"And are you?" Sayid asked.

"Am I what?" Jack looked up with a puzzled expression.

"Anally retentive."

Jack laughed mirthlessly again. "I guess he thinks so, and maybe I am in some people's opinions. But I like to think it's more that I don't screw around because I actually respect my partners than because I'm too scared to have fun. Boone… I've tried to tell that kid to keep away from Sawyer, but he won't listen. Even Shannon tries to warn him and she isn't exactly a nun."

"You mean you've actually said more than two words to Boone at one time?" Sayid asked, emptying his own glass at last and standing up to refill it.

"Of course I have."

"Then you must have some idea that he's in love with you, not Sawyer."

"What? Okay, so I know he likes me, but it's not me he's having sex with."

Sayid smiled to himself and held out a hand for Jack's glass. "Another?"

"Please," Jack replied, handing it to him and waiting as Sayid smoothly replaced their drinks and found his seat again. 

Saying nothing until he sat down, Sayid studied Jack thoughtfully. "You do realise that if you'd so much as crooked your little finger at him, Boone wouldn't have left the room with Sawyer?"

Jack looked up sharply. "I don't do boys, and I'm not about to give him the wrong idea."

"What about Sawyer?"

"What the fuck are you saying, Sayid? There's nothing going on with us!" Jack said with annoyance.

Just then, Shannon reappeared, and seeming oblivious to the tension building, sat on the edge of Sayid's chair, wrapping an arm around his shoulder and kissing his ear. Sayid let her, his hand moving to her jeans-clad thigh and stroking it gently. He didn't reply to Jack, but he smiled at him as if he didn't believe a word he'd just said.

Jack stared at him, anger still buzzing in his features, but Sayid didn't care; he'd found out enough.

"Come on, Sayid," Shannon whispered, biting at his earlobe.

Sayid still didn't speak, but he stood up, pulling Shannon up with him and curving an arm about her as they began walking. 

Jack watched as they turned towards the door, and Sayid could feel the man's eyes boring into his back as they wandered casually away.

"Good night, Jack," he threw over his shoulder, his smile widening. He hadn't had this much fun in weeks.

~//~//~


	3. Charlie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie has no idea what's going on, but there's an awful lot of weird behaviour on display amongst the band.

_A jolt of lightning sets me back a pace  
Feel like a visitor from outer space  
Please excuse me if I don't quite understand  
I'm just a stranger in electric land_

'Electric Land' Bad Company

Jack and Sawyer weren't speaking to each other again, but that happened so regularly it wasn't worth passing comment on. However, the angry looks Jack kept directing at Sayid at the sound check seemed out of place to Charlie. Sayid didn't seem perturbed by the man's annoyed demeanour though; in fact, he looked almost to be enjoying it.

"What's with you and him?" Charlie asked Sayid in a break.

Sayid smiled inscrutably and shook his head lightly. "Don't think he liked what I implied about him and Sawyer last night."

"What? Why, you naughty man," Charlie smirked, "Jack and Sawyer hate each other with a passion… don't think it's _that_ kind of passion, though."

"Are you sure?" Sayid asked, and then they had to run through another song, so Charlie didn't have time to think about it or comment further.

It was only later when they were eating before the show and Charlie sat next to Sayid that he remembered again. Jack was sitting across the room with Juliet, who had appeared out of nowhere once again, and Sawyer came over and plonked himself unceremoniously down opposite Charlie and Sayid.

"I see the Ice Queen's back," Sawyer said and gave Charlie a wink. "How's things with Claire, Chuck? Bet you have more fun than Cold Dick does."

Charlie couldn't resist grinning at Sawyer's easy insults. "Good, good; they're good," he nodded.

His relationship with Claire was great; he had to admit. She'd been good for him since he'd given up the hard stuff after Ethan's untimely demise. That had shocked the hell out of Charlie; made him clean up his act faster than any lecture could. He knew he'd be heading in the same direction if he didn't get it together, and at only 26, that was the last thing he wanted. Of course, there was still a bit of pot from time to time, but that was nothing.

"So who'd you take back to your room last night, Sawyer?" he asked, for want of something to say more than that he actually cared which girl the man had been fucking. Undoubtedly it was someone wonderfully hot and she was simply panting for it.

Sawyer smirked, but his eyes flicked to Sayid's with a weird kind of look that made Charlie wonder for a moment if God's gift to women had actually struck out for a change. Charlie bit into his hamburger and looked at Sayid, but he was watching Boone across the room and didn't appear to notice Sawyer's gaze. Sawyer picked up his own burger and took a large bite, then turned his head to watch Jack and Juliet once more.

Charlie narrowed his eyes, remembering what Sayid had said before, then watched the couple for a minute himself. Nah, Sayid was wrong. Jack was straighter than a line, even if he did pick the coldest bitches for girlfriends. And Sawyer was always bedding different girls, so he doubted there could be much in what Sayid was saying, although it was true Charlie had once seen Sawyer and Boone emerge from a closet behind the stage in Amarillo, and he was pretty sure they weren't cleaning up the _stage_.

At the time, he'd assumed Boone had offered their perpetually horny lead singer a blow job, and Sawyer had probably accepted due to the lack of presentable females handy, but Charlie didn't think it meant Sawyer batted for both teams or anything like that. Boone was pretty enough that there were other guys who'd have done the same thing if the opportunity presented itself when there were no women about.

"So, Sayid, tell me; how are you and Shannon getting on?" Charlie hadn't seen the blonde groupie anywhere all day. It was unusual, as she and Boone had pretty much become fixtures on this tour, and no-one seemed to think anything of letting them backstage any more. Boone was chatting with Desmond and Penny at a table across the room and Sayid was still watching him curiously. It made Charlie begin to wonder about Sayid.

"Mmm?" Sayid murmured, his smile widening as Boone flicked him an odd look and then blushed, turning back to Penny and nodding at something she was saying.

"Shannon?" Charlie asked, more loudly this time, "Where's she got to? Last I saw, she was hanging on your every breath. Don't tell me you've jumped the fence?" He nodded at Boone and gave Sayid a questioning look.

That brought Sawyer's attention back from Jack and Juliet. "Who jumped what fence?"

Sayid laughed, putting down his knife and fork delicately and picking up a napkin to wipe his face. He wasn't eating hamburger like the rest of them; apparently he was vegetarian and whatever crap he had on his plate looked too foul to be considered food in Charlie's opinion, but he wasn't about to say anything.

"Maybe you should be asking Sawyer that question," Sayid suggested, looking at the singer speculatively. "You never did answer Charlie's question from before, did you, Sawyer?"

Sawyer narrowed his eyes and offered Sayid an evil glare. "Fences have gates in 'em sometimes," he muttered, dropping his eyes back to his food as Sayid continued to smirk at him.

Charlie frowned in confusion, his eyes shifting from one to another of the two men, before glancing across the room to where Boone was standing up and looking guiltily in Jack's direction, although Jack paid him no attention whatsoever. However, Charlie did notice Jack give a fleeting look in Sawyer's direction, as if he had some idea what in hell was going on. Charlie glanced back in time to see Boone offer Sawyer's back a regretful stare, and then stick his hands in his pockets, his brow furrowing angrily, as he strode out the door.

"What the fuck happened last night?" Charlie asked Sayid. "Some kind of male orgy or something?"

Sawyer lifted his head, the most amazing scowl across his features, then he stood up and stalked out too, abandoning his food, which really wasn't like him. Jack turned, an unusual look on his face as he watched Sawyer leave, and Sayid simply laughed.

Charlie began to wonder if he'd got things close to right, or if they'd all been smoking something odd. Desmond offered him a sympathetic smile from across the room, which Charlie took to mean that at least he wasn't the only one who was wondering what was going on.

Smiling, Sayid murmured, "Don't worry, Charlie."

"Worry? Is everyone losing their minds or what?"

"That remains to be seen," Sayid said cryptically and stood up too. He patted Charlie's shoulder and advised him, "They'll probably be all right on stage, if it's any consolation."

"They damned well better be," Charlie said, and went back to his food.

~//~

The show went without a hitch, despite Charlie's worry, and by the end he'd forgotten all the weirdness at dinner. As usual, the hangers-on and the band ended up in the backstage lounge, and tonight seemed especially crowded and noisy. Charlie and Claire were squashed together in a fat armchair, discussing the intricacies of the bass line on 'Hearts Afire'—one of their new tracks—with Desmond and Penny, who were cuddled together at an end of the couch opposite. Well, Desmond and Charlie were discussing, that was. Claire and Penny were listening, as far as Charlie could tell.

Suddenly there was a commotion in the corner and Charlie craned his neck to find out what was going on. Shannon seemed to be yelling at Boone, and that was really odd. Although she was constantly rude to her brother, to be _yelling_ at him was out of character. Boone looked thoroughly embarrassed and as everyone turned to look at them, the room went quiet. Shannon's words became clear in the crowded space.

"…only letting Sawyer screw you because you know Jack won't have you. Sayid's not going to be any more interested, you asshole. I don't even know why I bother."

And with that, she stormed out of the room, all eyes on her. Boone's pretty face was flushed so deeply red that even Charlie felt sorry for him. Everyone knew he was in love with Jack, and they were all tolerant of that because he wasn't all that pushy when Jack wouldn't play, and he didn't seem interested in bedding any of the other guys, who were mostly straight - if you didn't count Sawyer's little blowjob incident. But Shannon's words seemed to imply Sawyer had actually _screwed_ Boone. And what was all that about Sayid?

After the incident earlier, Charlie wondered if Sayid _was_ interested in Boone, although it sounded more like Boone was the one showing interest—not the other way around—according to what Shannon was spouting. Shannon should supposedly know how straight Sayid was, since everyone knew she'd been the one in his hotel room for the last few nights.

Boone held his ground, despite his embarrassment, which Charlie decided was fairly brave of him, considering, and soon everyone's attention was off him again when he simply ran a hand through his messy hair and turned to say something to another groupie standing next to him.

Claire asked, "What was that all about? Shannon's not usually so vehement. Should I go after her? Maybe she and Sayid had a fight? Boone's not… I thought…" Claire faltered and clambered out of the chair. "I'd better talk to her; Neither Boone nor Sayid seem to be about to."

"Thought that'd come to a head eventually," Penny murmured.

"What?" Desmond asked, clearly as confused as Charlie.

"I think… Shannon's falling for Sayid, but he's not really that interested. Shannon must think Boone's got designs on him, but Boone's been sleeping with Sawyer any time the guy beckons."

"What?" Desmond and Charlie announced together.

"You boys are so blind," she told them, grinning superiorly, "The amount of times he ditches the girls early and hangs out 'til almost everyone's gone except Boone and Jack is definitely increasing. You two have seriously never noticed?"

Desmond blinked and exchanged a shrug with Charlie. Shaking his head, Charlie looked over towards Sawyer. The man looked like he was trying to ignore the funny looks a few people were now giving him, but the girl next to him was grimacing weirdly and slowly edging away. He scowled at her and Charlie heard his voice above the rising din.

"Believe everything you hear, do ya? Well, fuck you then," he growled and strode through the room, scattering people in his wake.

Charlie raised his eyebrows as he watched the man leave the room, and gazed back at Desmond and Penny in amazement.

"Why would Sawyer screw Boone?" Desmond asked, "I know he's… shit, he's as laid back about sex as I've seen, but it's all directed at women, isn't it? At least, I thought so…" he trailed off uncertainly.

"He's not acting like he's screwing Boone," Charlie added, not much more sure.

"What should he act like?" Penny asked, her eyebrow raised, and Charlie had no answer for that.

Biting his lip, Charlie searched the room for Sayid but he couldn't see him now. Boone was still talking to the girl he was with, the embarrassment obviously lessened, although a slight blush remained across his cheeks.

While Charlie watched, Boone's eyes sought Jack, and Charlie turned his head to study their piano player, who—to Charlie's amazement—looked straight back at Boone, an unreadable look in his eyes.

~//~//~


	4. Boone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boone faces a couple of different situations and learns something from both of them.

_I don't know if I'm happy  
I don't know if I'm sad  
She's gone, gone, gone  
I don't know if I'll cry  
I don't know if I'll die laughing_

'Gone, Gone, Gone' Bad Company

Shannon's words had cut right through him and Boone was aware that everyone in the room was looking at him afterward, as if he had somehow led Sawyer astray. Sawyer looked extremely uncomfortable with being outed so publicly, but that was hardly Boone's fault. Jesus, they hadn't exactly hidden the fact that they'd slept together; there were at least ten people present who'd seen them either go off or return from liaisons together.

He knew it was a mistake to tell Shannon about the incident in the hallway with Sayid the night before. She was evidently more enamoured of the darkly handsome man than he'd realised. Her jealousy was the only thing that could have sparked such a public outburst; normally she was much more relaxed about the guys who were interested in Boone rather than her. The only other time she'd done something so embarrassing to him was at high school when he was innocently talking to Jeff Alders, the quarterback she was dating, and she'd come along and announced loudly how he needed to stop fawning over her good-looking boyfriends like he stood any chance of getting into their pants. He hadn't lived that down easily and Jeff in particular had made his life a misery for the rest of that year.

The only answer tonight was to act like she was full of shit and carry on as if she hadn't spoken, although he knew the redness crossing his face was probably a dead giveaway. Watching Sawyer leave, he could tell that he was annoyed with Boone, even though he didn't look in his direction.

Sayid slipped out the door a few minutes later too, much to Boone's surprise, but no-one else seemed to notice him go. He supposed they were all too busy speculating on Shannon's accusations,

He told Marisa – the girl he was talking to – that he'd probably be better off making his own escape soon, and he'd definitely be _alone_ tonight, in case anyone asked, when he felt Jack's stare and turned towards where his hero stood. The waves of disapproval were so strong, Boone almost turned tail and fled right then, but then Jack appeared to let down his guard. Boone's lips parted in surprise, unsure what exactly he was seeing, but his heart sped up at the look and he couldn't tear his eyes away for a moment.

Just as quickly, the unguarded look was gone and Jack's steely walls were back up. He looked away again, and Boone felt his cheeks heat up once more.

"I... I gotta go, Marisa. See you later."

With that, he took off; making his way out the same door the others had departed through. What he expected to find outside, he wasn't sure, but it certainly wasn't what he did find. Stopping dead at the parking lot exit to the building, he frowned, unsure he was seeing straight.

Sawyer had his arm around Shannon's shoulders. Claire was backing away from them as Sayid took Shannon's hand and tried to pull her away from Sawyer. Shannon yelled at him to fuck off and tried to reclaim her hand.

Sayid scowled menacingly and said, "Got to prove you're one hundred percent man, do you? No boys in your bed, eh, Sawyer?"

"Sayid..." Claire tried, but Sayid threw her such a foul look that she immediately went quiet.

"Just do what the lady asks and fuck off, Ali Baba," Sawyer told him, running a hand through his blond hair as he tightened his grip around Shannon's shoulders. "Why don't you go find her brother? He'd probably suck you off if you asked nicely."

"No he wouldn't," Boone said loudly, approaching the group.

They all started, and Shannon leapt away from Sawyer like she thought Boone would hit her for touching him. Claire looked embarrassed, but she moved towards Shannon as if for moral support.

"You're an asshole, Sawyer." Boone was proud of how firm his voice sounded.

He might be queer, and weak and completely crazy about someone he didn't have a chance in hell of getting, but he knew he was a better person than Sawyer. Sawyer didn't give a rat's ass about Shannon. He just wanted to reassert his manhood, and taking her to bed was the quickest way for everyone to forget what she'd said about him sleeping with Boone.

"And you don't care about her either," Boone turned to Sayid, "Or else you wouldn't have been eyeing me up in the hallway last night. Just because she's been with a few guys doesn't mean she hasn't got feelings, you know. Shannon, you don't need either of them. Come back to the motel with me now?"

Shannon looked at him with tears in her eyes, and then flicked a look at Sawyer.

He frowned for a second but his features evened out quickly enough and he said, "Come on, baby, you know I like you. I can show you a better time than old Ali here. Big bro just wants you to give up on me 'cause he thinks he stands a chance. I gotta tell you, he ain't anywhere near you, sugar. You know I like girls better, right?"

Shannon shook her head in confusion, and gave Claire a quick glance before turning to see Sayid's reaction. Claire gave one of her trademark confused looks but didn't move, and Sayid simply stared at Shannon evenly, saying nothing.

"I suppose I shouldn't expect you to try any harder, considering you always made it very clear I was just a fuck toy," Shannon told Sayid. "It's my own fault. Thanks, Claire, I'll be okay now. Fuck you, Sayid, and fuck you too, Sawyer. Let's go, Boone."

Boone felt a sense of triumph and curled his lip up at one side as Shannon stepped towards him and took his arm. Maybe they didn't always see eye to eye on things, but at the end of the day, they helped each other out when it really counted. Claire smiled encouragingly and headed back towards the stage door. Together, Boone and Shannon walked towards his car, not looking back.

Sawyer and Sayid could fuck each other tonight for all Boone cared.

~//~

Boone pulled the car into the space carefully, and reached for the bottle of coke he'd left on the floor. Shannon had decided to stay at the motel for the day, but Boone liked to watch the band practise, and he hadn't missed an afternoon run-through yet. Sometimes Sawyer and Jack stopped bickering and got down to real business on these afternoons, jamming and writing new songs, and there was nothing more awesome to Boone's mind than seeing that process in the making.

As he went to straighten up, he realised Jack and Juliet had come out of the building and were standing a few feet away. The conversation he was hearing through the open window of the car seemed very personal. If he got out of the car now, they'd know he'd heard what they were saying, yet he couldn't exactly just drive away. Stopping his movement, he knew he shouldn't be listening, but it was hard not to. The only decision he felt able to make was to stay where he was, as unmoving as possible, and hope they didn't see him. As it was Jack he was overhearing, Boone wasn't likely to pass any gossip on, in any case.

"Please, Juliet, just think about it a bit longer?" Jack was saying and Boone could hear the pain in his voice. He peeked over the dashboard from where he was hunched and felt a spark of sympathy go through him at the expression on Jack's face. "The tour's up in less than three weeks! I'll be home after that. Can't you wait... we can talk properly then."

"Jack, it makes no difference! You aren't going to change! This is your life. But I can't just keep dropping everything and rushing across the country to meet you every other weekend! I have a career! I'm not like all those other women, hanging on your every breath, doing whatever you want, when you want it, and forgetting their own wants and aspirations. I _like_ my life. I want to keep working and I want... Well, I just know I don't want _this_ , anyway. Goodwin is offering me stability, the chance to carry on with my career until I'm ready to have children... and yes, I do want children! Even if you do too... this is no way for them to have to live; don't you see that, Jack?"

Jack ran a hand agitatedly back and forth over his short hair before answering. Boone could see how close to tears he seemed and his heart went out to the man, even though he didn't like Juliet.

"Juliet... please? I thought... dammit, I thought we had something real. All the women here... you're right, they're just hangers-on, they don't have real personalities like you do, and that's one of the main reasons I love you! I could sleep around like the others do and not care, but that's not what I want!"

"Do you even know what you do want, Jack? I know you love me, but it's not enough any more! Two years, Jack! Two years I've waited to see how we could make this work where we're both happy, and this just isn't it. Some days, I'm not even convinced you want to be in this band, but you don't want to stop moving, either. You and Sawyer... you fight so much; one day all the song-writing's going to turn to dust, more war than peace, and you..." She paused, and Boone shifted, trying to see her face, but she was half-turned away from him and he could really only see Jack's hurt features from his awkward half-crouched position.

"Juliet..." Jack breathed, like he didn't even know what to say.

"It's too late, Jack. I'm not going to think on it any longer. I won't wait till after the tour. Goodwin's asked me to marry him and I've said yes."

Boone bit his lip, wondering what Jack could say to try to change her mind, although secretly he didn't want him to. He wanted Jack to say 'Thanks for being so honest, Juliet, and good luck with the wedding.'

"You can't mean that?" Jack looked horrified. "How long... how long have you been seeing him?"

Juliet didn't speak at first, and Boone wondered what was in her expression as Jack's face took on a look he didn't recognise; the confusion in it so strong, Boone just wanted to go to him and hold him tight.

"It's close to six months now," she finally admitted.

"You've slept with him, haven't you?" Jack accused, his face hardening, as he took a step towards her.

She must have felt guilty because she took two steps back, almost touching the front of Boone's car. He held his breath, keeping utterly still, but they didn't seem to have noticed him. He felt worse now; a complete interloper in their very private affairs, but showing himself could only make things worse.

"Yes," she agreed quietly, and Boone blinked in stunned surprise.

"Fuck..." Jack let out and looked away, staring blindly over Boone's car for a moment before looking back. "We never... I thought you wanted... but obviously, I was wrong. I tried so hard... do you know how many girls have thrown themselves at me? I ignored all of them for _you_! It would have been so damned easy, you know? Why did I bother? Would it have changed things if we had slept together?"

"No!" she shook her head, " I know what the girls are like, Jack. Not just girls either, I've seen the boys too. Boone... and others."

"Boone doesn't mean anything to me! I'm not... I've never..." Jack blushed furiously, running a hand over his head again.

Boone's heart clenched at the words. It was so unfair; he _loved_ Jack more than anyone here did, and Jack was denying there was any feeling at all. It wasn't like Boone hadn't already known it, but he had his hopes underneath all of that. Biting his lip hard, he closed his eyes tightly.

"That's not true, though, is it?" Juliet said, surprising Boone completely. "You hide it so well, Jack, but if you searched your feelings, you'd know it. I'm not saying you'd ever act on it, but you know how he feels about you and you'd never do anything to hurt him _because_ of it. It's just the way you're made. And Sawyer... the way you two fight; that's like... well, sometimes I wonder, Jack. And after last night's little display from Shannon, it seems pretty evident Sawyer _does_ act on it, even if not with you."

"What?" Jack asked, looking terrified, now that Boone's eyes had opened enough to peer out in wonder.

The last thing Boone had expected was for Juliet to be sympathetic towards him. She'd always been even less interested in him than Jack appeared, and Boone disliked her intensely in return. Okay, so the sympathy wasn't really directed at him, but what she was implying about Jack...

"Jack, you need to take a good long look at _why_ you don't behave like the other guys in the band, not that I exactly approve of the way they sleep around. I know Sawyer isn't your enemy, but he's…" she paused again, like she couldn't decide how much to say, and Boone felt a ripple of jealousy low in his gut.

"I'm not in the least bit interested in Sawyer; and Boone… Boone's just… He's..." Jack wavered, and Boone held his breath, wondering what on earth he was trying to say. His brows had furrowed unevenly and Boone thought he was going to cry. "Look, Juliet, no matter what you think, I do love you. I'd never jeopardize that. _Please_ reconsider?"

Juliet shook her head. "I'm sorry, Jack. I can't."

Boone could hear the tears in her voice too, and he even felt a little sorry for her, to his own surprise, but he felt sorrier for Jack.

"I do love you," Juliet said in a low voice, stepping towards Jack once more and lifting a hand to his cheek. Jack stood there, tears barely held back, as she continued. "And I know you love me, but it's just not _enough_. I'm sorry; I really am. Work out who or what you want, Jack and be happy. I mean that."

Boone watched as she kissed him lightly, then picked up her small bag and moved away. Jack's tears came properly as his gaze followed her across the parking lot to the taxi stand, where she offered him one last sad look and climbed into the back of a waiting cab.

Boone slowly unfolded himself from his hiding place. Jack still didn't look his way; his attention on the taxi driving away. Boone could see how upset Jack was, and although Boone was desperate to go and comfort him, he didn't think Jack would appreciate it.

Once the cab had disappeared, Jack let out a couple of uneven sobs, and then, wiping angrily at the tears streaking his face, he turned and stomped back inside the building.

Boone let out a long breath. Juliet obviously believed Jack was at least a little bit gay, and although Jack had denied it, there was definitely something in what she'd said. Why else wasn't he sleeping with her, or anyone else? Boone knew that some people still didn't believe in sex before marriage, but the adjoining rooms Jack and Juliet had always insisted on had seemed like lip-service to that convention rather than actual belief in it. Certainly, everyone believed they went freely back and forth between their rooms at night, and neither one had seemed to correct anyone when the innuendoes flew.

Besides, Boone knew that Jack wasn't a virgin; Sawyer had told him enough about the band's early days for him to believe that, and Boone had seen him with girls before Juliet - not in bed, but in situations that suggested he was intimate with them. Being in a rock band brought so many temptations and although Jack was obviously more restrained than the rest of them, he wasn't quite as straight-laced as he sometimes appeared. Meeting Juliet had changed him, or something had.

Thinking back to when he and Shannon had first started following Constant Daze, Boone tried to remember how it was before Juliet. She'd arrived after they'd gotten to know the band properly, although they'd been attending gigs for a while even before that. There had been something weird between Jack and Sawyer in the first few months before Juliet as he recalled, although he'd assumed it was just a bigger fight in the midst of their ongoing on-again, off-again friendship.

But what if it had been sexual in nature? Sawyer hadn't been interested in Boone way back then, and it was always girls in his bed; a different one every night if he could arrange it. And Boone had seen Jack take a girl upstairs on occasions too. It had never occurred to Boone that there was anything less than heterosexual about him since.

He'd wondered about Sawyer though, perhaps unsurprisingly. Anyone who slept with that many girls had to be pretty easy overall, or else was denying something. Boone hadn't given it too much thought until the day he ended up in Sawyer's bed himself some months later, after Juliet came on the scene. But he hadn't imagined that Sawyer's sudden swing towards bisexuality was something to do with _Jack_. Boone had just assumed he was horny and Boone was more convenient than a girl that night. He'd been feeling turned on himself, frustrated with only ever jerking off to his fantasies about Jack, and Sawyer's approach had been such a surprise he hadn't known how to say no.

Sawyer was hot too, of course; Boone had always thought so, but arrogant jerks like him just weren't his type, usually. That night, he'd had too much to drink, and feeling randy and miserable as he saw Jack head upstairs with Juliet, Sawyer's soft breath in his ear had done weird things to his composure. He knew damned well he shouldn't, but Sawyer had been gently insistent, touching him in ways that were supposed to look casual to anyone else, but were definitely doing things to Boone's sex-starved libido that they had no right to.

Once they were alone, Sawyer had attacked Boone's mouth with a ferocity he hadn't quite expected, but the kisses were so unbelievably intense, Boone was even harder than he'd already been in an instant. Sawyer's hands had been everywhere, stripping his clothes off and playing with his cock like he did it all the time, though Boone had never seen him touch another guy suggestively.

The sex was hot and fast, exactly what Boone needed right then, and he'd come twice in quick succession with Sawyer stroking him through the first explosion and his own hand in its place when the sexy blond had mounted him from behind again so fast he barely had time to gather breath. Fuck, Sawyer had known exactly where and how to move to force the pleasure deeper too.

Boone couldn't help the twinge of lust at the thought even now. It had seemed likely that Boone wasn't his first boy, but he knew better than to suggest such a thing to Sawyer. The man acted steadfastly straight, even directly after screwing Boone. But the one thing that became clear at that point was that Sawyer, immediately after he'd come, would answer any questions Boone had about Jack; like the satisfaction of orgasm took away half his antagonism towards his band-mate, although he could still be fairly caustic about him. Sawyer didn't seem to have the same tolerance for Boone's questions when they weren't in bed, anyway.

After their first encounter, Boone hadn't quite known whether to approach Sawyer again or not, but in the end he left things, waiting until Sawyer came on to him again. Almost to his delight, it wasn't many weeks before it happened again, Sawyer this time almost meaningfully ignoring the girls backstage and getting Jack riled up over some sex-related innuendo that Boone didn't quite catch. He'd waited till hardly anyone was left in the room before grabbing Boone, whispering in his ear and looking over his shoulder at Jack's disapproving glare.

At that point, Boone figured why not go with Sawyer, even if Jack didn't like it; maybe it was jealousy for him, or maybe he was just imagining it, but somehow it made Boone feel better about the whole situation, even knowing Sawyer was using him. Besides, he didn't love Sawyer; he was under no misapprehensions that the guy would suddenly start behaving like his _boyfriend_ , for God's sake.

In the following months, Boone realised now, Sawyer had been paying increasing attention to him, getting even more risqué in front of Jack, and even letting down his guard enough to allow others to see him showing an interest in Boone. Admittedly, it was mostly only people in the inner sanctum of the group who saw them touching, but it wasn't like it was a complete secret.

And Jack knew about it more than anyone. Jack was _always_ there when Sawyer instigated anything - and it was always Sawyer who started things. Boone had been rebuffed the one time he'd made any attempt, and although he'd resolved not to be so damned easy every time Sawyer beckoned, it hadn't worked. The idea of what he knew was great sex when he was one of the only ones not getting it regularly from other sources, as well as the knowledge he could find out more of Jack's secrets from the man's oldest and so-called closest 'friend' in the band, had proved too much to resist.

What he hadn't considered was that there was any deliberate attempt on Sawyer's part to stir Jack up _sexually_. He'd known Sawyer was trying to annoy Jack, and he liked to imagine Jack wished he had the courage to get involved with Boone, but he hadn't really believed that. No; he'd always assumed it was Jack's dislike of homosexuality and Sawyer's more open attitude towards it that caused his discomfit.

But now, confusion arose in Boone. What if there had been some kind of sexual tension between Jack and Sawyer? He couldn't believe they'd ever slept together; it just seemed too unlikely, despite what Juliet was implying. Remembering Sayid's words from the other night, Boone found himself considering the possibility that Jack was jealous because it was _Sawyer_ he wanted.

And Sawyer... his behaviour could well be put down to knowing that and exploiting it for all it was worth; maybe even hoping Jack would capitulate and end up in his bed one night instead of Boone.

Boone felt his anger rise as he thought all this through. Sawyer was an even bigger bastard than he'd thought if that was true. Jack couldn't be interested in Sawyer; he just couldn't! The man was far too good for that asswipe; even Juliet had said how careful Jack was not to hurt Boone despite his knowledge of his love for Jack. And Sawyer had been such a prick last night too - practically denying he'd ever been with Boone and then having the gall to try and take Shannon to bed to fight the rumours!

Fighting angry tears as he got out of the car, Boone swallowed hard and resolved never to let Sawyer touch him again.

~//~//~


	5. Sayid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sayid reflects on the incident with Shannon and the happenings thereafter.

  


_No one knows what he's feeling inside, he's burning with passion  
There's only one way out, he's gotta get that right  
He wants to go straight to the action, yeah  
Sometimes it seems so long, yeah, but his passion is so strong  
And something makes him carry on_  


'Stranger Than Fiction' Bad Company

Taking a step back as he watched Sawyer in front of him, Sayid half-closed his eyes, letting the rhythm flow through him as his fingers found the notes of the song. He'd practiced this one alone earlier and now, with the richness of the other instruments around him and Sawyer's sultry voice reaching his ears, he knew it was going to be one he'd enjoy playing over and over. 'No Matter What' had the potential to be a big hit, but it was still fairly new, having only been written in the last few weeks, and not performed live yet. Tonight was to be its first performance in front of an audience, and the air fairly crackled with the whole band's excitement, like they could all sense its importance.

Jack and Sawyer had truly excelled themselves in the creation of this song, despite – or perhaps _because_ of – their constant antagonism towards each other. Their songs were certainly more worthy of Sayid's playing than the previous band he'd been with. He wondered what new things the two of them were likely to come up with after last night.

Sayid smiled to himself at the memory and offered Sawyer a slow smile as he watched the man put an arm across Jack's shoulder like they were best mates. Jack seemed a little subdued somehow, but he nodded before moving away, using the excuse of changing chords on his guitar as a reason to need all his concentration as the song went into the middle eight.

Sawyer didn't seem bothered though, and why should he be? He turned towards Sayid, swaying sensuously to the music, his jeans low enough on his hips that Sayid could see his treasure trail snaking downwards between the open buttons low on his shirt. The top buttons were undone too, only a couple in the middle keeping him vaguely covered. His smooth chest was shining with a layer of sweat, built up from his activity over the hour they'd been practising.

The sexy words began again, and Sawyer seemed to be directing them at Sayid, although he wasn't looking at him yet. A throb began in Sayid's groin at the thought of Sawyer as he'd been last night, and at his hopes for more of the same tonight. He didn't try to ignore it as he poured himself into the music, using his lust to fuel the fire of the song. Sawyer came nearer, seeking his eyes at last, and sang the line that sent an even stronger ripple of desire straight through Sayid. If he didn't have the guitar in front of him, he was sure Sawyer would have noticed his hard-on, anyway.

"Down on my knees for you."

Sayid couldn't stop the smile from widening as Sawyer moved past him, his own suggestive look fleeting but definitely there. No matter how Sawyer wanted to be seen by the wider public, his flirty behaviour on stage never seemed to make any of his band-mates suspicious, perhaps because he was the same to all of them, and as far as Sayid knew he'd never actually had sex with any of the others.

Last night had been unexpected initially, but it had become everything Sayid could have imagined and then some. He closed his eyes again, feeling the music, and remembered.

~//~

Both of them had stared in amazement as Boone and Shannon left them in the parking lot. Sayid blinked and decided Boone had more backbone than he'd have given the boy credit for, and no doubt his sister was heavily influenced by his sudden strength of character. She was usually prettily easily swayed by the thought of sex, and he wouldn't have been surprised if she ended up in bed with Sawyer, had Boone not spoken as he did, perhaps with the aim of making Sayid jealous.

He knew he'd been foolish to encourage her, but now she'd gotten all clingy, he had a hard time shoving her away , especially since Sawyer was trying to claim her. Boone interfering and taking her away from both of them was probably the best option in the end. Sayid huffed and turned towards Sawyer.

"Care to share a joint?" he asked politely.

Sawyer scowled at him momentarily, then nodded, his expression lightening. "Yeah, fuck them! What ya got?"

Sayid smiled and began to move back towards the building, forgetting the groupies in favour of an increasing excitement over being alone with Sawyer. Whether he'd get anywhere with him remained to be seen, but Sayid had been imagining him naked for weeks now, and finding out the man had slept with Boone had definitely increased his chances.

"A nice crop from the islands." Sayid smiled as Sawyer took a few steps towards him. "Did you want to stay here to try it, or head next door to the hotel?"

He'd never been more glad to be staying so close to their venue, and his smile increased when Sawyer replied, the spark in his eyes looking far from innocent, "Might be better in your room, huh?"

Once in the room, Sayid gestured for Sawyer to take the one armchair, then went to fetch the bottle of whiskey he had stashed in the fridge.

"Drink first?" he offered, and at Sawyer's nod, poured a generous couple of fingers each into the two plastic tumblers from the bathroom.

Offering one tumbler to Sawyer, he sat on the end of the bed opposite the other man's seat and pulled a pouch and a lighter out of his jacket pocket. Putting them down on the bed next to him, he took a sip of the whiskey, letting the warmth cascade down his throat as he offered Sawyer a thoughtful look.

"Didn't take you for the type to fuck boys," Sayid said without preamble.

Sawyer choked on his whiskey and then scowled at Sayid as he wiped the liquid off his lips.

"But it has to be said that Boone is very pretty. And Jack obviously doesn't like the fact that you do it with him."

"Fuck off, Mohammed," Sawyer growled, "So I gave the kid a thrill a couple of times. It don't make me queer. You gonna light up any time soon?" He gestured angrily to the pouch next to Sayid and took a gulp of his drink.

"Relax, Sawyer. I'm not accusing you of anything," Sayid soothed, "In fact, I wouldn't say no to the boy myself, given the opportunity. Somehow, I don't think it's likely, though. Boys can be… refreshing, shall we say, after so many girls, don't you find? I doubt he puts any emotional demands on you, anyway, hmm?"

Begrudgingly, Sawyer nodded, taking another, smaller drink, before admitting, "You got that right. Kid's too hooked on Jack to want anything serious with me - not that I'm interested in that, anyhow, even with chicks. Why tie myself down?"

"Exactly," Sayid agreed, nodding. "Shannon… well, she's a good lay; I'm sure you agree?" He raised his eyebrows in query and Sawyer nodded with a smirk at last, like he was glad to be back on straighter roads, "But she's getting too… clingy for my tastes. Maybe I should take a leaf out of your book."

"Which leaf would that be?" Sawyer grinned suggestively, leaning back in the chair at last and getting comfortable.

"Let's start with some of this leaf." Sayid smirked back, downing the rest of his whiskey and picking up the pouch to withdraw an expertly rolled joint. "We'll see where it leads us, hmm?"

"Sounds like a mighty fine idea to me," Sawyer purred, and eyed Sayid with interest as he lit up the joint.

Sayid wrapped his lips carefully around the end of the smoke, taking a deep lungful in and holding it, and then reached across the gap to offer the joint to Sawyer. Smiling, Sawyer placed his drink down on a side table, shifting forward with legs apart as he took the offering. Unable to help himself, Sayid glanced down, noting the bulge in tight jeans. Slowly, he let the smoke out, shifting his eyes before Sawyer noticed.

_Not too fast; play it easy._

Dumping his empty glass on the table nearest him, Sayid leaned back on the bed with hands behind him as he watched Sawyer inhale, and wondered how worried the man would be about sleeping with him anyway. He supposed it depended on what Sawyer was willing to do with men. He couldn't imagine Boone fucked him though, so he might be forced to start out by offering himself if he was to get anywhere. Narrowing his eyes as Sawyer's mouth caressed the joint, Sayid imagined the man's lips on his cock similarly and hoped like hell he gave head.

Sawyer leaned further forward, offering the pot back to Sayid, and he took a breath before accepting, his fingers brushing Sawyer's accidentally. Sawyer's eyes were sultry, like he had some idea what was on Sayid's mind, which was pleasing to note.

"Just boys?" Sayid asked, then took another hit, keeping it in as Sawyer furrowed his brows in question. Letting the breath out again, he handed the smoke back and went on, "or have you been with 'men' too?"

One side of Sawyer's mouth lifted up in curious amusement, and he drew hard on the joint, his lips lightly parted as he held the smoke in his lungs, eyes dancing with speculation. Sayid stretched, letting his shirt ride up to expose his flat stomach. His eyelids half closed in pleasure when Sawyer's eyes dropped to take in the gap. Sawyer released his held-in breath in a whoosh that sounded like the sight had interested him.

"Men?" Sawyer asked, his look thoughtful, "Why are you so interested in my sex-life, Sayid? You wanna ride too?"

Sayid laughed, reclaiming the joint as Sawyer held it up for another puff. "I have to wonder about Jack," he grinned, stealing it once Sawyer had had his fill this time, and sucking on it lewdly.

"I ain't… Jack's _straight_ ," Sawyer insisted, "in case you hadn't noticed. He's got that… well, Juliet ain't exactly as warm and friendly as her namesake in the play appeared to be, but they've been doing the light fandango for a couple of years now. He ain't interested in anyone else. Hasn't been near a groupie since before she 'joined' our merry band, and even then, he never touched the boys. And believe me, there's always boys who'll do things; some of 'em more daring than the girls, too."

He waggled his eyebrows, like he truly didn't care how much Sayid thought he'd done with his own sex. Sayid wondered how much the booze and the pot had lowered his inhibitions, and determined to see how much lower he could get them.

"So you never fooled around with Jack then?" Sayid asked after taking another hit, speaking through his held-in breath and looking at Sawyer's face from a slight angle.

An annoyed look flickered over Sawyer's features for a moment, then he shifted even further forward in the chair, practically snatching the joint back and puffing on it hard before looking away and breathing out "No," along with the smoke.

He took a second hit, holding it in longer and turning flat eyes back on Sayid. Sayid got the distinct impression the word was a lie. _Interesting._ If he had fooled around with Jack… then his band-mate definitely wasn't totally straight either. And it went a long way to explaining a few things, in Sayid's mind.

Most of the pot was smoked down now, so Sayid took it back as Sawyer held it out, squeaking one last drag from it before getting up to stub it out in the ashtray on the nightstand and replace the pouch in his jacket pocket. Kicking off his boots and shrugging out of the jacket, he rolled up the sleeves of his shirt and climbed onto the bed to lean against the headboard, shifting pillows behind him until he was comfortable.

"More whiskey?" he offered, "or another joint?"

"You look pretty cozy over there." Sawyer shook his head lightly and let his tongue tip ease along his lip as he met Sayid's eyes.

"You want to come over here and sit next to me?" Sayid suggested, gesturing to the other side of the double bed. "It's more comfortable than the chair. Could talk some more. Easier if we don't have to yell across a room."

Sawyer huffed a small laugh, his hands hanging between his spread legs as he dipped his head to study his toes. Sayid smiled, but Sawyer wasn't looking at him yet. He almost thought the man was going to insist he should be going, but Sawyer lifted his head and an eyebrow with it. "Sure, why not?"

He got to his feet and swayed slowly towards the other side of the bed. Perhaps he'd drunk more than Sayid realised earlier; either that or he didn't smoke often and the weed had hit him harder than it might have. Sayid hadn't really seen him with anything other than alcohol or a straight cigarette in his hands, it had to be said.

His own head was feeling wonderfully clear, the buzz just lighting him up enough to appreciate Sawyer's sensuous beauty in the hazy air and not enough to cause him to lower his own defences too far. The last thing he wanted to find was that he'd misjudged the situation and that Sawyer was likely to take a swing at him if he touched the man wrongly.

Sawyer made it to the other side of the bed, sitting down heavily with his back to Sayid and pulling his boots off. Shifting backwards until he met the headboard, he muttered, "Better without the boots. Can't have house-keeping complaining 'cause I got dog-shit on the counterpane."

He laughed with an edge to it, as if he'd done something similar in the past and been severely reprimanded for it, making Sayid wonder what sort of background Sawyer had. He certainly didn't come across like a spoiled rich kid, and Sayid had a sudden impression of a cleanly-scrubbed religious mother in a stiffly pressed maid's uniform. He wondered whether that – or something like it – was pretty close to the truth, and whether Sawyer's so-called rebel ways were some kind of backlash against ending up in a similar situation, although his musical ability must have surely put that in doubt.

"So how come you don't write many songs?" Sawyer asked, looking at Sayid sideways, "That tune you came up with last week was pretty good. Even Jack was impressed, and I can tell you, he don't impress easy. He's been writing most of ours for years, though Charlie obviously slips a few in under the wire every now and then." He grinned widely, obviously remembering something.

"But you write them together, don't you?" Sayid asked, curious as to why Sawyer was downplaying his own role.

"I don't read music," Sawyer admitted, something Sayid hadn't known, "and my guitar playing ain't up to much. Can make it work enough to come out with a few sounds, but… I'm more of a words man. You've seen us working together; thought you'd figure that much out. Mostly just do the lyrics together and I'll throw in a few chords if they seem to work. Jack does most of the rest." He shrugged, like it was no big deal and added, "Still get equal credit, so I ain't complaining.

"So why don't you? Write more?" He turned his head to study Sayid's expression, a sexy half-smile touching his lips.

Sayid shrugged too, watching him back, his eyes straying to Sawyer's partly open mouth before he could make them return to the glinting green eyes. "I write some, but it seems a bit pushy to bring them out yet. You have all been together a long time; I'm the new kid on the block."

"So, what kind of songs does a Muslim write anyway?" Sawyer asked now, his eyes definitely taking on an entertained look.

Sayid wondered exactly how much Sawyer knew about the Qur’an, considering the drink and drugs they'd just been consuming, not to mention his admissions about sex. He allowed a sexy smile to cross his features, and licked his lips suggestively before answering, "Ones my extremely religious parents would hardly approve of. The usual; sex, drugs and rock'n'roll."

Sawyer laughed outright at that, and Sayid joined in, unable to stop himself at the infectious sound. Somehow it seemed incredibly funny now, and both of them were soon giggling like school children, as if it was the funniest thing they'd ever heard. Sayid could no longer control himself and he clutched at Sawyer's arm as he held his stomach with the other hand. Sawyer was wiping away tears and still laughing, his body doubling over towards Sayid.

Suddenly – and Sayid was hardly aware how it happened – Sawyer was kissing him. The laughter trailed away as he reached to hold Sawyer's face, returning the kiss eagerly. Sawyer shifted towards him, turning so he had a better angle and the kiss grew deeper as his hands stroked through Sayid's curly locks, gripping his head gently.

Finally, needing air, they broke apart, and Sayid looked into the heated eyes of the man he'd wanted almost since the first time he saw him on stage. They panted, both unsure, as they stared at each other and then they were in action again, awkwardly tearing off clothes. By the time they were both naked, Sayid could hardly wait to wrap his fist around Sawyer's hard length, grasping it tightly and stroking it unevenly as he sought the man's mouth again.

"Shit!" Sawyer exclaimed, thrusting his tongue inside Sayid's mouth and seeking his cock as well.

Sayid grunted when Sawyer's warm hand surrounded him and they both jerked as they shifted unevenly on the bed.

"Fuck, not like this," Sawyer growled, letting go of Sayid and putting his hand on Sayid's covering him. "Let me fuck you?"

Despite Sayid's earlier thoughts, he wasn't ready for that; he hadn't done it in years, and had no lube handy. He shook his head and shifted his hand out of Sawyer's grip, sliding his tongue into the man's ear and pushing him backwards to lie on the bed under him.

"You're not… no," Sawyer rasped as their cocks rubbed against each other, "I don't…"

"Shhh," Sayid whispered, leaning up over him and holding a finger to his own lips. "I won't if you don't want me to, but I look forward to it some day. Just let me do this?" he asked, dipping down to kiss at Sawyer's neck.

His lips trailed down Sawyer's neck and he nibbled at the man's collarbone. He tasted as good as he looked; as smooth as he felt. Sawyer shivered under Sayid's touch, and his hands held Sayid loosely as he let him continue, despite his words of worry. Sayid shot Sawyer's concerned face a sexy look then kissed softly down towards a flat brown nipple, watching it rise as he circled his tongue around it. He rolled his hips, making Sawyer groan as their erections slid together, and then he trailed his tongue across and played with Sawyer's other nipple, delighting in the soft sounds Sawyer was making as he writhed under him.

Sayid risked another glance up at Sawyer's face, but the man had his eyes shut, almost as if he was trying to avoid thinking about what he was doing. _No matter._ Sayid licked a trail downward, his tongue circling around Sawyer's navel, and his hands skimming down trembling flesh at Sawyer's flanks. He lifted himself back and nudged Sawyer's legs apart, keeping his lips where they were so the man wouldn't get too worried about his intentions. Chances are, he'd never actually been fucked before, and much as Sayid wanted it, he was willing to forego that pleasure for now in the hopes that Sawyer would enjoy what they were doing enough to come back for more at some point. That way, he'd have more chance of pushing his heated cock deep inside the velvet channel…

His own cock was throbbing so hard in need that he had to cut off the thought. Pressing himself down against the bedding between Sawyer's legs, he pushed at Sawyer, asking him wordlessly to move upward so he didn't fall of the edge of the bed. His tongue played lightly in the curly hairs leading down from Sawyer's belly button the whole time, and Sawyer gasped as Sayid's thumbs circled an obviously sensitive point at his hipbones. Letting go with one hand, Sayid ran fingers lightly down one side of Sawyer's heated cock, offering an interested look back up at the man. Sawyer's eyes were half-open now, pupils wide, and he breathed unevenly, almost holding his breath in anticipation.

Sayid smiled, then licked lightly across the glans, causing Sawyer to moan and raise his hips slightly, encouraging.

"Fuck," Sawyer whispered.

"Mmm," Sayid responded, wishing he was about to do that. Instead, he took just the sensitive head inside his mouth and began to suckle lightly. Sawyer was trembling, clearly holding back from thrusting, and Sayid almost wished he'd just do it, filling his mouth. But he wanted it to last as much as Sawyer probably did, and teased with his tongue, pressing it to places he knew would be sensitive, smiling around his mouthful at each moan and whispered epithet.

Sawyer's hands shifted into his hair, stroking gently through the soft strands, and occasionally gripping as his pleasure built. Sayid pulled back for a moment, licking off the cock-head and grinning as Sawyer whined, his hips bucking, and a furrow in his brow increasing as his consternation grew.

"S'okay," Sayid murmured, his heated breath warming the flesh he'd just abandoned, and he put a finger into his mouth, licking and sucking it wet. "You'll like this, I promise," he managed as Sawyer's fingers tightened in his hair.

Sliding the damp finger under Sawyer's balls, he reclaimed his throbbing prize and sucked hard, causing Sawyer's head to slam back on the pillow behind him, fingers flying out of Sayid's hair. Taking the opportunity, Sayid pressed his fingertip into Sawyer's waiting pucker, his sucking growing harder in the aim of relaxing the man.

Sawyer almost didn't notice where his finger had gone, judging from the response; the channel was ready for him, relaxed and open. Sayid's tongue swirled around Sawyer's cock as he reached his digit towards the sensitive spot he knew resided inside. Sawyer groaned so sexily as he found it, hips twitching and hands clawing at the bedding around him, that Sayid wondered if the man had known what he was about to do after all. He certainly hadn't fought it.

Pressing the soft button repeatedly, Sayid continued to torture Sawyer's silky-smooth cock with alternate swirling licks and then harsh sucking, his mouth never leaving it, until Sawyer was rasping, "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" and then, with a final grunt and a swift jerk, he was flooding Sayid's mouth with salty heat. Swallowing convulsively, Sayid kept up the pressure with his finger, his tongue licking the last traces away from softening flesh.

"Fuck, Sayid…. Fuckin' stop, stop!" Sawyer growled, but he shoved his body forward, onto Sayid's finger, and his cock seemed to be growing again, to Sayid's delight. Perhaps he'd get his wish tonight after all. He grew daring, so that instead of stopping, he pushed a second finger in beside the first and took hold of Sawyer's cock, sucking at the end of it once more.

"Fuckin' Christ!" Sawyer grunted, his hips thrusting despite his supposed disinterest in repeating the performance.

"You taste so good," Sayid whispered as he drew back again, fingers still working.

" _Jesus_ fuckin' Christ," Sawyer practically shouted, jerking uncontrollably as Sayid went back to suckling, mouth insistent.

Sayid was certain if Sawyer enjoyed this enough, he wouldn't be able to keep away..

"Oh, fuck…" Sawyer's voice trailed off as his body gave in to the second orgasm, the fluid not as forceful or plentiful as before, but every bit as enjoyable in Sayid's mind. The man might not be as young as some he'd been with, but his recovery time was pretty damned impressive.

Sayid finally withdrew his fingers and allowed Sawyer's sated cock to slip from between his swollen lips, crawling up the man's body and grinning down at the exhausted figure.

"Fuck," Sawyer panted, opening his eyes and giving Sayid the most amazed look. "Fuck."

Apparently he couldn't say anything else, and Sayid laughed softly, pressing his own still-hard cock into heaving stomach muscles as he kissed the sexy lips. "You liked that, then?" he asked, shifting so he lay on one side of Sawyer, the front of his body still pressed up against him, leaving him no illusions about the state of his own arousal .

"What do you think?" Sawyer managed, turning to gaze into Sayid's eyes.

Raising himself up onto one elbow so he could study Sawyer more, Sayid's smile increased as he replied, "At a guess, yes."

Sawyer could barely manage the laugh, his exhaustion obvious, but he leaned forward, capturing Sayid's lips as Sayid tipped his head to meet him once more. A languid hand came up to stroke through Sayid's dark hair as they kissed, and he rocked his hardness against Sawyer's hip, reminding him. But Sawyer clearly hadn't forgotten and wasn't about to abandon him – something Sayid wouldn't have put past him, if he was honest – as his hand strayed down Sayid's side, his fingers circling delicately as their tongues continued to tangle.

"Mmm," Sawyer murmured, shifting back at last and pushing at Sayid. "You damn near wore me out, y'know, but…" he flicked Sayid a cocky look, and then slid himself backward, shifting a pillow under his head. "C'mere. You got so much energy, you can do all the work."

Sayid nodded, understanding what Sawyer meant immediately. Rising up over him, he gripped the headboard and stared down at Sawyer, his cock inches from the man's mouth. He hadn't been sure Sawyer would reciprocate, but it seemed this was his intention. He waited as Sawyer gazed back up at him sexily, his erection pulsing with anticipation.

"I ain't done this much," Sawyer admitted softly, "so don't expect miracles. But since I ain't about to let you fuck me, seems only fair after what you did for me."

Sayid was sure he wouldn't be disappointed, no matter how inexperienced Sawyer was, but he smiled down patiently, waiting for Sawyer to take the initiative. The last thing he wanted was to choke him. Sawyer gave one last, almost shy look up at him, then taking his cock in one firm hand, licked softly over the tip, his tongue dipping into the slit delicately.

Sayid gasped, eyes shutting in shivering pleasure, having not expected anything as intensely stimulating for Sawyer's first move, and he could see him grin as he let his eyes open again.

"Liar," he whispered, the word turning into a high-pitched whine as Sawyer twirled his tongue wetly around the sensitive ridges of his cock head.

And then he was sucking in earnest, hands finding Sayid's hips and gripping tightly, almost forcing Sayid to push into the warm wetness engulfing his cock. Sayid, still not completely sure how truthful Sawyer had been, gave small thrusts forward, sliding in and out of Sawyer's soft lips swiftly, gasping as the man sucked the tip harshly as he pulled back each time.

 _Fuck!_ He was certainly good, experienced or not.

Groaning under the treatment, Sayid kept up his rapid little movements, feeling his climax spiralling nearer. Sawyer didn't stop what he was doing either, his hands still tight on Sayid's hips and his tongue teasing exquisitely in between the torturously hot little sucks.

"Sawyer, I'm…" he warned as he felt the pulse of his orgasm rise, and Sawyer drew back, one hand shifting to circle his cock and pumping him to completion.

Come splattered hotly over Sawyer's chest and chin as Sayid pulled away, but Sawyer didn't seem overly concerned, smiling up at Sayid as he twisted his hand and rubbed a thumb across the tip of Sayid's cock. Leg muscles trembling with the effort, Sayid took a hand away from the headboard he'd been gripping tightly and placed it on Sawyer's, gentling his actions and moving him away from the sensitised organ.

Somehow, he managed to get his legs from either side of Sawyer and make it to the edge of the bed. Sitting down heavily, he turned back to gaze at Sawyer's come-covered chest. The man was still breathing deeply, but he appeared pleased with himself, his hand reaching out to stroke lightly at Sayid's closest arm.

"I'd better get something to clean you up with," Sayid offered, then slowly moved away from the warm hand, which it had to be said, felt damned good on his skin.

"Good," Sawyer drawled, " 'Cause I'm fucked if I can move now."

Glittering eyes regarded Sayid with amused delight, and he laughed, getting up to dampen a towel in the bathroom. Returning, he sat sideways on the bed, studying Sawyer's eyes as he rubbed the cloth over the man's sticky chest.

"Here," Sawyer pointed to his chin and thrust it out so Sayid could wipe it too.

Unable to stop his amusement, Sayid's mouth widened into a broad grin as he playfully dabbed at the place in question then swiped at Sawyer's nose. Throwing the cloth over his shoulder towards the floor, he leaned forward, one hand on Sawyer's stubbled jaw line as he kissed him softly, their tongues sliding gently against each other.

"You hungry?" Sayid asked when they finally broke apart, "because I'm famished."

Sawyer nodded and pulled himself more upright. "The munchies. Could murder a burger and fries."

Sayid huffed a small laugh and reached for the phone, ordering room service quickly and efficiently, knowing exactly what he wanted.

"Milkshake," Sawyer whispered in his ear, kneeling behind him and wrapping arms around his shoulders. "Chocolate."

Repeating the item to the receptionist, Sayid thanked the girl then hung up, turning his head and shivering as Sawyer licked under his ear.

"You're very affectionate," he noted before Sawyer managed to enfold him completely, kissing him back even so.

"Mmm," Sawyer murmured against his skin where he'd found Sayid's pulse point and was sucking it, "Pot. Makes me…" He sucked again, harder, sending another frisson of deliciousness through Sayid's body, "…all warm and fuzzy. I'll hate you again tomorrow, don't worry."

"Well, we'd better cover up at least a little before the food arrives," Sayid told him as Sawyer latched onto his neck again. "Don't… don't want to… to shock anyone," he managed with difficulty under the assault.

Sawyer took one last bite at him, and moved back somewhat reluctantly, allowing Sayid to stand up and find a robe. Rubbing the place where Sawyer's mouth had been and shivering at the memory, he peered into the mirror at the spot. It was definitely going to bruise. He might have to wear a high collar tomorrow if he didn't want anyone to see. But he couldn't help smirking over his shoulder at the man now laying back on his bed and pulling just the sheet over his well-defined form.

Who'd have guessed he had such a soft side, although Sayid doubted it was the first hickey the man had given.

Sayid went into the bathroom, scooping up water in both hands to drink and then wash his face before returning to the main room only moments later. Sawyer, propped against several pillows, had fallen asleep. Laughing quietly to himself, Sayid removed a couple of pillows from under his head, allowing him to settle back in a flatter position. Scooping up more bedding, he covered Sawyer further and sat next to him to watch the sleeping beauty while he waited for the food.

~//~//~


	6. Charlie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie observes some unusual interactions between certain members of the band and entourage, and a new song brings down the house.

_I don't care what nobody says  
I'm tell you what I'm gonna do  
I'm gonna live for the music  
give it everything you got_

'Live For the Music' Bad Company

The performance that night was going to be electric. Even the air felt charged as Charlie watched people moving into the auditorium. It was like they knew they were about to witness something special, even though no announcements had been made. He guessed it was fairly obvious they weren't far from the end of the tour, though. This was their last night in Portland, and tomorrow they'd be in Reno, then it was San Francisco and San Jose before they were back in LA, where they were based. They'd done a whole circuit covering the pacific states and the neighbouring ones from Texas back up to Montana via Colorado and Wyoming, and all those other states whose names escaped Charlie now; a few nights in some places, just one in others, depending on ticket sales.

Constant Daze were fairly well known over this side of the country and their easy blues-rock in the style of Bad Company seemed to go down well everywhere, from the country bastions deep in the heart of Texas to the more grittier tastes of Seattle and the other coastal states, so they were doing all right even if they weren't exactly up there with the Stones and the Eagles in selling power.

Charlie grinned at Desmond as they hung out together at the side of the stage watching the local support act warm up the crowd. They were pretty good and had played all three nights in Portland, where for some reason Constant Daze had a major following. They were going to miss 'Undercut' in Reno, where they were playing a smaller venue, but it was only one night, and the singer-songwriter booked for their support there was rumoured to be pretty good. Charlie was looking to see how right they were about the guy, who was being touted as a 'new Dylan', but he wasn't holding his breath. He wasn't sure how well the guy would go down with the Daze's usual fans, but they'd see.

"They're buzzing tonight, brother," Desmond managed above the din, and tipped the ever-present beer bottle back to drain it dry.

Charlie just nodded, unable to answer over the current noise. Over his shoulder he noticed Sawyer and Boone move into a corner and he couldn't help his curiosity. Maybe it was more than he'd thought that time in Amarillo, although Charlie didn't think Sawyer would be interested in anything too much from Boone. He barely kept a girl around for longer than one fuck; boys like Boone for longer 'affairs' just didn't seem likely. Narrowing his eyes as he nudged Desmond, he thought there was some kind of argument going on between them, but he couldn't be sure.

"What?" Desmond looked about wildly and then sought another beer from a stash by his feet before paying any attention to the others.

"Go easy," Charlie warned. "Don't want you passing out in the middle of your drum solo, mate. Over there; Sawyer and his bum-boy."

Desmond mock-growled at Charlie's half-warning and sucked from the new bottle anyway, before shifting it so he could see where Charlie was indicating. He snorted, and then gave Charlie a look.

"What?"

"Don't tell me you wouldn't let 'im go down on his knees for you," Desmond growled, letting his ear drift close to Charlie's ear so he could hear better. "Look at his mouth."

Charlie pulled away to stare at Desmond incredulously. Was everyone going mad or was there something queer in the beer? He shifted his attention to Desmond's beer bottle for a second then gazed back over to where Sawyer had the boy cornered, supposedly out of sight. The lips Desmond had suggested Charlie consider were moving animatedly now, although he couldn't hear a word. But the expression in Boone's eyes suggested a mix of anger and fear as he evidently either turned Sawyer down or gave him what-for about something; presumably last night.

Sawyer, for his part, wasn't actually touching the kid, but he was leaning towards him with a kind of menace. Charlie still found it hard to imagine Sawyer actually _screwed_ Boone, no matter what he'd heard, but there was no telling, he supposed. After all, Sawyer was always touching people in some way or another; Charlie had just never taken it to mean he had a sexual interest in them all.

Desmond snorted again, drawing Charlie's attention away from the two other men. "You look like you'd give it a shot, if he asked." Desmond grinned lewdly. "but I doubt he would. Why would he bother with a grimy short-arse like you when he can have sexy, long and lean over there?"

"Shut up!" Charlie scowled, knowing Desmond was only teasing, but still! It made him uncomfortable to think of getting close to a boy like that. He didn't mind Boone for the most part; he was pretty quiet for a groupie, but any suggestion of sex with him… well, yuck.

"You think he'd take you on?" he passed the insult back. "Ya drunken Scottish bastard. Penny'd do you over if you even thought about it, anyway."

"Penny?" Desmond queried like Charlie was crazy. "She likes him. Has a bit of a thing about him, if you ask me. She'd probably watch, or join in or something." He laughed slightly uncomfortably. "Not likely though, mate. I'm not into digging through dirt."

Charlie winced slightly at the metaphor. "Glad to hear it."

Desmond laughed uproariously and turned back to watch the band onstage. Charlie flicked a look back over to Sawyer and Boone, and frowned as Sayid suddenly appeared from behind something. The expression on his face was thunderous, and Charlie felt a flicker of fear. Before he could do anything though, Sawyer took a step back from Boone and turned to say something to Sayid. Sayid's eyes narrowed and he lifted his chin as he stared at Boone.

Boone looked confused for a second, his eyes travelling between Sayid and Sawyer and back again, then he smiled as if a light had just gone on. Sawyer moved towards him, but Boone brushed his hand away and shook his head, giving Sayid a haughty look down his nose. Boone said something and knocked against Sawyer in his haste to move past him. Sawyer spun lightly and stared after Boone open-mouthed as he walked out the door, then flicked his head around to spit something angrily at Sayid.

Sayid stood rock-steady, his fists tight by his side and his expression cool, saying nothing at first, while Charlie's mind boggled. What in fuck? Sawyer shook his head and gestured angrily, then Sayid's mouth moved, but Charlie still couldn't tell what was said. Sawyer snorted and moved away at last; stomping out the same door Boone had left by. Sayid watched him leave and then turned his head, his eyes meeting Charlie's unexpectedly.

Charlie flushed uncomfortably, sure he had just witnessed something he had no right to know about, and dropped his eyes briefly before looking back up. Sayid's cool gaze met his once more and his expression said 'leave it alone; don't even ask.' Charlie could only assume the men were fighting over Boone after what he'd witnessed in the last couple of days, and the thought made him even more apprehensive. He wasn't really anti-queer, but there was too much of it going on too close to him for comfort right now. He shifted in his seat and ducked his head again, returning his attention to the stage.

When he glanced back a few minutes later, Sayid had disappeared.

~//~

The show that night was as wondrous as Charlie had thought it would be, even with the sizzling anger between Sayid and Sawyer. Somehow, the combination of the energy created by the two amazing performers' earlier clash and the first public playing of the new show-stopping song that Jack and Sawyer had written during the tour had raised the crowd's vitality to the nth degree and blown everyone away. Charlie himself was stunned by the dynamic between these two men onstage; a more charged and infectious power even than Jack and Sawyer's usual mutual antagonism.

As they came offstage after the second encore, all of them were buzzing with it, even Jack, who'd been more morose than usual that evening. They slapped each others' backs and given mock-hugs to anyone and everyone, arriving sweaty and energised in the backstage lounge to cheers and clapping from the assorted hangers-on and employees. Even Ben was looking flushed and excited, something their manager - despite his usual determined manner in getting them exactly where he wanted them - didn't usually do.

"You were fuckin' awesome," Frank bellowed across the room, "Like no-one could touch you!"

"You better believe it," Sawyer said with some swagger, wiping his face and chest with a towel and dumping it on a girl's lap as he walked past. He left his shirt open, showing off his perfect tan.

The girl grabbed the cloth up and sniffed it eagerly, to Charlie's disgust. Christ, they should bottle the man's sweat; they'd make millions if she was any example.

Sawyer found a bottle of booze and poured several glasses of bourbon, lifting a couple of them up and turning to offer a tumbler magnanimously to Jack. To Charlie's surprise, Jack grinned and took it, bumping it against Sawyer's and offering a toast.

"To the good ship Constant Daze and all who sail in her!"

Everyone else in the band had either grabbed a glass or a bottle by now too, and were close enough that they could clink their assorted drinks against each others'. The room swelled with the noise of glass and metal clanking and voices raised in echoing the toast.

Claire swam into Charlie's vision and he grabbed her, swinging her around and causing her to giggle.

"Charlie, you guys were _unbelievable!_ " she bubbled. "Just amazing up there tonight. I don't think I've seen you in finer form!"

"Thanks, doll. It was mostly Sawyer and Sayid… honestly, I think the rest of us just fed off their energy! Mind you, that song… the new one, wow! Everyone really responded to that. It was awesome being there with that going on, I tell you! Jack and Sawyer can consider themselves up there with the greats now, that's for sure!"

Charlie gazed over at the others, who were eagerly discussing things with the people around them, although he couldn't help but notice the absence of Boone, which was odd. After the scene Charlie had witnessed earlier, he could understand, he supposed, although the idea of one of their most loyal followers not being here to join in with celebrations seemed odd. One of the things that Charlie had actually admired about the kid was that he really seemed to appreciate the music, although most people believed he was only hanging around because he had a super-sized crush on Jack. Well, that wasn't untrue, but Charlie'd seen him enough when the music was happening to know it wasn't the only reason he stuck with them.

It seemed like he wasn't the only one wondering, as Shannon was talking to Jack, and Charlie saw him look around questioningly and then shake his head at her. Shannon threw a look of disgust at Sayid and Sawyer, who were actually grinning at each other again, and then took off out the door. Charlie's attention focused on Jack for a moment, who smiled distractedly at something someone was saying to him as he sipped his drink, and then nodded politely at the girl and said something that was obviously intended as a closing comment, shifting away slowly.

Charlie pulled Claire close and gave her a smackeroo of a kiss, which made her laugh even more, then the two of them headed for a couch for more cuddling. Charlie threw a curious look in Sayid and Sawyer's direction. Earlier, it had seemed like they were fighting over Boone, but now it appeared he'd been completely forgotten. Sawyer was recounting something to the small group of admiring women gathered about, gesturing his arms enthusiastically and grinning widely. Sayid stood to one side, a small smile on his face as he watched, and as Charlie studied him, he gave a wider grin to the woman next to him who'd evidently asked him something. He shook his head, and whispered something in her ear, but his eyes never left Sawyer.

Narrowing his eyes, Charlie looked back at Sawyer, who'd just finished his tale, as the group of women laughed and bounced around him; a couple of them moving close enough to touch him. He put an arm around one woman's shoulders and nodded to another, then flicked a look straight into Sayid's dark, still watchful eyes.

It was only brief, but Charlie was stunned at the intensity there, and it wasn't anger in either man; not by a long shot.

~//~//~


	7. Boone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boone has a couple of interesting interactions with Jack, and some sympathy from an unexpected source.

_I've had enough of watching everything you do  
It's just too much, I feel I'm going crazy over you  
When you smile, I'm burning with a hundred flames  
You're my dream, and you don't even know my name_

'Excited' Bad Company

Boone felt sick.

What the fuck were Sawyer and Sayid trying to do? Between the two of them, he almost wished he wasn't here now. He'd just been heading backstage to watch the support act from the wings – who he kind of liked, although not as much as the Daze – when Sawyer had cornered him. The bastard had been trying to get him to keep his mouth shut, for some reason, like it even mattered any more. Stupid prick; he'd thought offering Boone more sex was going to make him keep quiet! It wasn't Boone who'd given his secret away in the first place!

When Sayid appeared with that incredible stormy look in his eyes – one that sent a shiver of fear down Boone's spine – he wondered for a minute if the guy was going to deck Sawyer for being near Boone. But it turned out it wasn't Boone he wanted; that became abundantly clear the minute he looked at Sawyer. Boone wasn't stupid, and he'd seen that kind of look before.

Sayid wanted Sawyer, if he hadn't already had him.

Sawyer tried to act like there was nothing going on, moving towards Boone like it would reassure him somehow. But Boone wasn't having that; he gave him the brush-off and told Sayid he was welcome to Sawyer and he hoped they both lived crappily ever after. He made his escape then, not caring what issues those two had with each other.

After that whole distasteful incident, Boone wasn't even sure he was going to enjoy the performance tonight. Sleeping with Sawyer had been fun once, but now he just despised the stupid bastard, and his feelings about Sayid weren't much different. He wasn't sure he could ever watch Sawyer onstage again, no matter how hot he was.

Boone made his way to the backstage lounge, hoping like hell no-one was about, but that the liquor was already flowing. He needed a drink.

As it happened, Jack was there, tinkling quietly on the piano at the back of the room. Damn! Not what he needed either right now, although after the scene he'd witnessed between his idol and Juliet, he couldn't help but wonder if he stood more of a chance there than he'd ever imagined. His heart started to pitter-patter and he made himself cross the room to take a seat off to the side where Jack would see him, but hopefully wouldn't be disturbed from his playing.

Jack stopped playing and turned to look at Boone.

"Why do you…" he started, eyeing Boone with that liquid hazel-eyed look of curiousness that always melted Boone. "Don't you get sick of everyone giving you crap?"

Boone licked his lips as he returned the look. "What kind of crap? You mean Sawyer?"

"Sawyer, the way he uses you; your sister and everyone thinking you're some kind of joke… the way you… how you feel about me, and the crap they give you for it. Me, even."

"You don't give me crap, Jack," Boone answered softly, studying Jack's face. "You're about the only one who doesn't."

Jack huffed a half-laugh and looked away, and then ran a hand unevenly across his bristly hair and looked back up. "I practically ignore you; isn't that crap? Considering – well, you've never actually said it, but everyone else does – you're supposed to be… I mean…"

"I'm in love with you?" Boone managed, dropping his own eyes and huffing too. He could feel his face heating, but he wasn't really scared of admitting it. "I am, as it happens."

"Why?" Jack asked, and Boone looked back at him again. "I'm not… look, Boone…" He paused, shaking his head and looking away like he didn't know how to say whatever it was he needed to say; how to let a guy down easily, Boone imagined.

"Because you're a nice person, Jack. You're different from most of them; you don't purposely go about screwing whatever walks past you, even though you could! You stuck with Juliet even though she obviously didn’t have any interest in what you do… oh, God, I'm sorry," he finished, biting his lip in horror as he realised what he was saying, never having intended to bring Jack's girlfriend into this.

"What do you know about that?" Jack said, his eyes clouding in anger.

"I'm sorry, Jack, I didn't mean to listen…" Boone let out, standing up and taking a step away. _Shit!_ He couldn't have made it any more obvious if he tried.

"You overheard something?" Jack asked standing up and grabbing Boone's arm before he could move too far.

The grip was tight and Boone winced, turning back towards Jack. "I'm sorry, Jack. It's none of my business. I was just in the wrong place and… I'm not going to tell anybody anything! Let me go, please?" He shook his arm in emphasis, his heartbeat increasing in fear as Jack's face screwed up into an angry scowl.

"What did you hear?" Jack hissed.

"That… that Juliet left you," Boone stuttered, and froze in place, scared to say more.

"Where did you hear that?"

"I…I heard her telling you, outside, earlier. I'm sorry! I know I shouldn't have been there… please Jack, _please_ let me go." Boone was getting really frightened now. He'd never seen Jack look so angry – even with Sawyer – and his hand was so tight that Boone was sure he'd have a bruise later.

Jack, as if he'd just realised how much he'd scared Boone, let him go at last and took a step back. His face went from angry to upset in about two seconds flat; tears welling up so fast that Boone's fear was quickly replaced by concern.

He rubbed his arm where Jack had been gripping it and asked softly, "You really love her, don't you? How could she do that to you?"

Jack looked him in the eye, obviously struggling to bring himself under control, and whispered, "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to hurt you." He cleared his throat, looking away as he continued more loudly, "But… Juliet… that's none of your business. Please don't say anything to anyone else."

"I never would," Boone breathed, unable to stop himself from moving closer to Jack. He lifted a hand like he might touch Jack, and Jack looked at it and then him, confusion filling his eyes.

Boone almost touched him then, his fingers inches from Jack's face, but suddenly there was a noise at the door and Jack practically jumped backwards as Frank entered the room with an armload of wires, several of them trailing behind him. He was cursing someone or something, but Boone didn't hear the words.

He dropped his hand and turned towards Frank as Jack cleared his throat again more noisily and said, "I gotta go get ready, anyway. Enjoy the show, Boone. See you later."

"Yeah," Boone said, unable to think of any other response, and smiled half-heartedly as Jack walked off, nodding at Frank and heading out the door so quickly it was as if he was on wheels.

Frowning at Boone in puzzlement, Frank flicked a look behind him, even though Jack was no longer in sight. "I interrupt something?"

Boone shook his head, sure he was as red-faced as Jack had looked. "No, nothing. Same old, same old."

Frank quirked a sympathetic smile, probably assuming Boone had struck out again, and it wasn't like he was wrong.

"You okay?" Frank asked, surprising Boone.

Boone hadn't thought the grizzled roadie would care. He knew he was just part of the furniture as far as most of them were concerned. Sawyer had certainly treated him like it, and Jack barely noticed him most of the time. The conversation they'd just had was the longest they'd managed in months.

Nodding, Boone swallowed, not sure at all. His throat felt tight and his arm hurt where Jack had held it. Even Sawyer had been gentler earlier when he'd been crowding him into a corner of the backstage area, which seemed wrong somehow. Jack was the kind and thoughtful one, not Sawyer, who didn't really give a shit about anyone other than himself. Boone lifted a hand to the already darkening spot and tried to smile at Frank, but he could feel tears prickling at the back of his eyes.

"Hey, kid," Frank said, dumping his load of wires unceremoniously and moving across the room towards him.

"No… no, Frank, please don't," Boone warded him off, holding up a hand and shaking his head. "You don't need to tell me; I _know_ I'm wasting my time, believe me."

"No, I wasn't going to say that." Frank shook his head, moving even closer despite Boone's words and gesturing at the bruise. "He do that? He's got no right to hurt you, no matter what he thinks about you. You want some ice for it?"

Frank wasn't to know that Boone was more hurt by what had almost seemed about to happen than by the bruise Jack had made, or any thought of physical violence, but he nodded anyway, grateful for the man's concern.

"Hang on then, I'll wrap some up for you," Frank suggested, moving to the bar fridge and searching for a rag under the counter. "Here y'go. Jack's a dickhead." Quickly and efficiently he dumped some ice cubes into the bar-rag he'd found, twisted it up and held it out for Boone to take.

"He's not. I should know better. Falling for a straight guy… is stupid."

"You're not stupid," Frank told him, perching on the arm of the sofa as he watched Boone hold the ice on his arm. "You can't help who you fall for. He doesn't have to treat you like shit. It's not like you're hanging all over him or anything. You even found someone else to… well, anyway." Frank rubbed an eyebrow, embarrassed. "He could at least treat you with a little respect. I thought he was better than that."

"Why do you even care?" Boone asked, curious, as he found a chair and sat down too, wincing as the coldness of the ice froze his warm skin.

"I'm not… gay or anything," Frank said gruffly, frowning deeply, "but I understand about falling for the wrong person. It makes a lot of difference if they behave with dignity, though."

Boone studied the roadie. It wasn't like they'd talked much before, and he knew there were a lot of times Frank probably laughed at him behind his back, but there was more to the man than he'd realised.

"Does it bother you?" Boone asked, "Me being gay? I mean… no one else really ever took time to say much about this stuff… I know you all think I'm a joke, but I really dig the band and that's the main reason I'm here, not because of… because of Jack. Or Sawyer," he added vehemently. "He's… fuck, he's an amazing singer and everything, but he's such a jerk. I'm not sleeping with him any more."

Frank blinked owlishly, probably not having expected all that, but he stayed where he was, like he was thinking it all through.

"Y'know, I never would have expected Jack to react like that," Frank started after a few moments, stroking his greying beard as he spoke. "Sawyer maybe. Never realised he went both ways, funnily enough, though I s'pose it makes sense. But Jack… he always seemed pretty cool with all sorts of people, except maybe Sawyer!" He laughed, then formed a wry grin. "And no, it doesn't bother me. See all sorts in this business, and you're a lot less grabby than some of the girls, even when they know some guy's taken. It takes two to tango, right?"

Boone managed a smile at that. He hadn't expected tolerance from this old guy, but it was very welcome. He didn't feel quite such an intruder in this largely straight world knowing he was seen as fairly restrained, and that people like Frank weren't scared he'd jump them; not that he was attracted to most of them.

"It should be okay now," he managed after a moment, and stood up, pulling the rag away from his arm and dumping the ice in the nearby sink. "Thanks, Frank. For the ice… and everything."

Nodding, Frank stood up too and bent to collect his dropped wires. "Don't let it get you down too much, kid. There'll be someone out there for you. Maybe not here, but… yeah. You're not a bad guy."

Boone huffed to that and stuffed his hands in his pockets. He wasn't sure he'd ever find the right person living this way, but he appreciated the sentiment. "What about you, Frank? You ever feel like settling down?"

"Tried that once," Frank admitted, playing with the wires like he was trying to separate them. "Didn't really work so well. I've got a couple kids and a wife I pay way too much alimony to down in Florida. She and I… well, we ain't exactly soul-mates, but there was a time I thought so. Still, I gave it a shot, and now… well, here I am, doing what I love, and this crowd's one of the better ones, so I'm not complaining. There's booze and pretty girls who'll keep me company sometimes, and a bunch of guys I can count on most days, so… yeah, I'm happy enough."

He looked up after this and smiled at Boone. Boone couldn't resist smiling back, although he wasn't sure he'd feel the same as this man in twenty or so years.

He nodded at the mass of wires still roped together in front of Frank and said, "Good luck with that, Frank; hope you get it sorted. I should go. They'll be onstage soon."

He lifted his eyebrows in farewell and headed out the door.

"Hope you get it sorted too." Frank's parting words just reached his ears as he rounded the doorframe.

~//~

Boone watched the concert in the end, unable not to somehow, though he'd found a quiet spot backstage, looking on from Jack's side of the stage where he didn't have to suffer from full-on Sawyer. Despite his feelings, he had to admit the crackling energy the singer helped create was contagious, and Boone found himself watching him more than he thought he would, although most of his attention was directed towards Jack. The bruise wasn't hurting that much and he easily forgot it and Jack's words. Besides, Jack looked stunning too, even though he wasn't quite as upbeat for the whole show as Sawyer and the others were.

A pang of jealousy went through Boone every time Sawyer came near Jack; more than he'd ever experienced before, and Boone tried to tell himself things hadn't changed, but clearly they had. Even though Jack had touched him for the first time in anger, something inside Boone tried to create hope and tell him that Jack cared more than he was letting on. He kept mentally kicking himself, knowing that thinking this way wouldn't get him anywhere, but he couldn't seem to stop his thoughts from circling back to it.

The new song proved incredibly popular, with the crowd going wilder than Boone could ever remember before. Jack was right up there; centre stage with Sawyer, guitar slung low around his body, and singing backup into the mic with Sayid on the other side of him. Boone's heart swelled with the intensity of the song and his love for Jack. When it finished and he was cheering and clapping as much as anyone in front, he lifted a hand to his face to wipe away sweat; instead he found tears. He hadn't even realised he was crying. Wiping at them roughly, he blinked away more and tried to calm his thumping heart. It proved impossible as the concert continued, and it didn't surprise him to find his tears returning at the end of the second encore.

The power of the concert seemed to have blown everyone away, and somehow Boone didn't trust himself backstage with so many people tonight. He watched them all leave, pulling back into the shadows behind a curtain and sitting on a piece of equipment as he regained his breath.

Finally, when the place had darkened and gone a little quieter as the roadies and engineers slowly began to pack up, he made his way out through the corridor leading to the lounge, passing by the door and smiling at the jubilant sounds coming from within. He kept going though, too scared of what might happen if he showed his face now.

Stepping out into the cool evening air, Boone took a deep breath and wandered over to where crates of equipment were stacked, waiting to be loaded onto one of the tour trucks. He hopped up onto a low one, shifting so he could lean back against the higher one beside it. There wasn't a lot of light here, but he could see the stage door well enough if he turned his head sideways, and if he looked up, a few stars twinkling away in the clear night.

Boone took another breath, holding it in and then letting it out slowly. What on earth was he doing here? He really should take Shannon and go home. His mother hadn’t wanted him to follow the tour – letting him know in no uncertain terms how much money it was wasting and how much he could be doing with his life – but he knew she'd never cut him off.

She couldn't care less about Shannon, who was only Boone's step-sister, though they didn't advertise that fact. Her father had died the year before. Boone's mother had never liked her, nor had Shannon felt much other than intense dislike and mistrust in return from day one, but Boone and Shannon had clicked immediately when their parents married some years earlier. In all ways they were truly brother and sister as far as he was concerned, and bringing her on tour had been the best thing for both of them. It got Shannon out of the line of fire, and Boone away from a lecherous boss who insisted his job was on the line if he refused to sleep with him.

Maybe all this craziness was the world's way of telling him he should have a reality check; get back into what he should be doing and give up his fantasy of being Jack's live-in lover and living the rock-star life.

His internal monologue was suddenly interrupted as someone climbed onto the crate next to him.

"Shit, Jack!" he exclaimed as he realised who it was, unable to calm his hammering heart – for the second time that night – as the man of his dreams settled cross-legged beside him. "What are you doing here?"

"Missed you inside; wondered where you'd gone."

Jack gave him a shy look and then stared upwards, studying the stars. Boone couldn't say anything for a minute, confusion filling his senses. He gawped at Jack, trying to figure out why he even cared after what had happened earlier.

"I'm sorry I ran out before," Jack murmured at last, still staring into space. "I was scared."

"Scared?" Boone was completely lost now. Why would Jack be scared?

Slowly, Jack lowered his eyes to meet Boone's. They looked at each other for a moment without speaking, Boone's brow furrowed in puzzlement; Jack's worry more sad.

"I'm scared…" he started lowly, dropping his eyes to his restless fingers picking at something on his boot, "…that Juliet was right about me. I've never… I've been pushing that side of me away; trying not to let you close. I don't know…" He trailed off, his frown deepening.

"What?" Boone said dumbly, uncertain what Jack was really saying. He could feel his heart's thump, thump, thump, and he wondered if Jack could hear it. In any case, he was much too afraid to accept the words could mean what he was hoping.

"Boone, I don't know how much you heard earlier, but I wasn't sleeping with Juliet. I haven't been… intimate with anyone for years. Not since… well, okay I fooled around a little at one point, trying to get someone out of my system, but… I don't do casual that easy and… it didn't work, so I gave up. I figured it'd be easier if I just… if I didn't go with anyone. When I met Juliet… it seemed perfect. I cared about her and she seemed to love me. She told me she didn't want sex until she got married and I was willing to accept that; it made sense that not everyone's as free as we'd like to believe. You know…" He looked up at last, flicking a beautiful smile at Boone for a moment before going on seriously, "Some people are old-fashioned and I told myself I liked that. But… now I realise it was just another way of hiding from the truth."

"What truth, Jack?" Boone asked softly, and then bit his lip, holding his breath. Did he dare hope?

"I didn't love her; not like she wanted. I _cared_ for her; that's true, but love?" He shook his head, "No, I… I'm not really capable of something like that, I don't think. Not with…" He swallowed hard as he paused, looking away from Boone again and out into the darkness surrounding them.

Boone was still too scared to say anything; worried that Jack couldn't possibly be going to admit what he'd always dreamed of; not now. Something in him wanted to acknowledge how privileged he felt that Jack should share such a private thing with him though, and he reached out a hand, touching Jack's closest knee.

Jack's eyes flew to watch his hand at the touch, but he didn't flinch or tell him to remove it, so Boone kept it there, unmoving so Jack wouldn't read too much into it.

"I…" Jack said, his breathing erratic, then he clamped his mouth shut, looking at Boone with barely held back tears brimming at his eyes.

"Jack," Boone warned in a soft voice, "You don't have to tell me this."

Swallowing, Jack blinked, dropping his eyes once more, and reached up, scrubbing a hand through his short hair, and licking at his lips. "I need to tell someone. Who else would understand? All this time and I… I can't keep pretending. Boone, I've been… I… I'm in love with…"

"Who, Jack?"

Boone knew it couldn't be him; there was no way. Perhaps it was one of the other band-member's girlfriends, although Jack hadn't given him any clues. If anyone would see his interest in another girl, it was Boone, who watched his every move when he could.

Jack didn't answer at first, his hand reaching for Boone's and gripping it tightly where it lay on his knee. Boone almost missed the word when Jack finally spoke, it was so low, but when it finally registered, he felt his nausea return.

"Sawyer."

~//~//~


	8. Sayid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sayid learns some interesting facts from Sawyer's old girlfriend, and one or two things from the man himself.

_I never wanted anybody, and I won't start now  
I never planned it, I don't understand it, so tell me what can I do  
Don't turn away, ooh I think I'm still learning  
Yeah, there's something 'bout you_

'Something About You' Bad Company

Sayid couldn't help his jealousy, but equally, after the concert, he couldn't help feeling his heart swell with pride at how well he and Sawyer had used the anger they felt to build up something amazing. Now, he could no longer be annoyed with Sawyer; all he wanted was to get him alone and fuck him through the nearest flat surface.

But Sawyer was intent on being the centre of attention at the after-party, which Sayid couldn't really blame him for after the amazing show tonight. Jack had somehow managed to disappear fairly early on, and everyone was surrounding Sawyer and telling him how wonderful he was. Sayid hovered at the fringes, not really interested in anyone else, but politely making conversation where he could until Sawyer gave some indication of leaving. The glances they kept exchanging made Sayid fairly sure he wasn't going to be disappointed in the long run; it was just a matter of how long he'd have to wait.

The other band members were enjoying themselves too, and Sayid knew he should be happy about how the show had gone and where it could lead them, but it was difficult to think about anything except Sawyer's heated body under his as he mingled and kept seeing and hearing the object of his desire. The women were all over Sawyer too, which made something prickle behind Sayid's eyes, but Sawyer didn't seem to care. Although he threw the odd lust-filled look in Sayid's direction as if to say 'It'll all be worth it', he was kissing and touching them like he was enjoying it; and maybe he was.

"You look like you wish you weren't here," a voice at Sayid's elbow said.

Sayid turned towards the girl: a slim, dark-haired figure only slightly shorter than him, and raised an eyebrow. "You don't seem terribly bothered either, er…" he waited for her to fill in a name.

"Kate. I'm not really. I came to see Sawyer, but he's obviously… busy." She gave Sawyer an unsurprised glance and then turned her concentration back to Sayid. "You seem to be waiting for him too, or is that a bad guess?"

Sayid's expression didn't change, but he felt a coolness glide through him. "What makes you think that?"

"It's alright," she smirked, "I know how he is. I used to date him, once upon a time."

Surprise reached Sayid's face this time. "Date him? As in… actual dates? More than a one-night stand?"

She nodded, smiling with more genuine friendliness this time. "Yes, we were high school sweethearts. I live here in Portland now – with my husband – and I thought I'd catch up with him."

Sayid was intrigued. He had no idea Sawyer had once 'dated'. From everything he'd heard, the singer only ever had one night stands, if you didn't count Boone. That thought made him frown for a second, but then he allowed a smile across his features, not wanting this old girlfriend to get any clues about his feelings for Sawyer. He could at least find out a few things about the man's past while he had the opportunity.

"So, Kate, tell me," he began, letting his smile increase, and leading her away from the main crowd to find a seat in a corner, "How long ago was this? And how long did you two date for? I know so little about the band's youth - you know I only joined a few months ago. To be honest, I'm very interested in what kind of people they were before they became Constant Daze."

She already had a drink in her hand, or Sayid would have found her one, and as they settled into a couple of chairs at the far side of the room, she gave him a very warm smile. _What was the bet she was the girl next door_ , Sayid found himself thinking, studying her freckled face and friendly blue eyes.

"Sayid, isn't it? I've been following the band, so I heard about Ethan's death and how they found you. You sound great, by the way. Much better than Ethan, especially near the end. He was… well, wasted in more ways than one, you know?" She quirked an eyebrow at Sayid, and he nodded knowledgeably but said nothing, waiting for her to go on. "Sawyer and I… well, where to begin? I guess you could say we've known each other all our lives. Of course, I haven't really been around much since the band got big…" She wrinkled her face and shot Sawyer a look across the room.

Offering the man another look himself, Sayid couldn't help but smile at the way Sawyer was holding everyone's attention. He just hoped they'd let him get away eventually, so Sayid could… but Kate was speaking again, and with difficulty, he turned his attention back to her.

"He was a cute kid," she laughed, "Such an entertainer from an early age, and everyone loved him. He could get away with murder… but he courted trouble, and as he got older…" She stopped, smiling, and looked down like some secret she held had changed everything. "Anyway…" she said more brightly and looked back at Sayid. "We dated for about three years at high school, then maybe a couple more after that. He met Jack at college, and that was that. The band got underway, they dropped out, and when they got a little airplay, it was on the road. Haven't seen him much over the years, but every now and then I get invited to a show."

She threw Sawyer another look; one that Sayid thought he understood only too well, and then smiled back at Sayid. "Not that we talk exactly. You know what he's like. I'll get a kiss and a hug at some point… when he realises I'm here… and he'll ask me how it's going, but that's about it. Then it's home to my husband and kids."

"Are you happy?" Sayid asked, not sure what prompted him to do so.

"Happy?" Kate asked, like there couldn't be any doubt. "I guess so. I love my family, I'm doing things I enjoy, and it's not like I stood much of a chance with Sawyer anyway. He found Jack, and playing with the band took over, not that there was ever a time when music wasn't more important than anything else!"

Giving Sayid a curious look, Kate licked her lips, and then took a breath, like she was going to ask something, but then she stopped, shaking her head and looking back towards Sawyer.

"Did he and Jack…?" Sayid asked carefully, not sure whether any of her words had indicated knowledge of Sawyer's sexuality or not.

"Did they what?" Kate asked, puzzlement lining her eyes.

"Never mind," Sayid gave her a reassuring smile, "So it was him heading on tour that ended things for you?"

"No, he…" She swallowed, like it was a painful memory, "…he fooled around with someone else, and I couldn't take that. He never was much of a one-woman man. Hardly surprising with the way the girls throw themselves at him." She gestured at the two women currently wrapped in his arms. "He's always been Mr Popular, and nothing's changed. I was lucky we had such a good relationship as long as we did."

"You stayed in touch, even though he cheated on you?"

"Well… what can I say? I'm a sucker for him, even after all these years. But hey, Kevin's a good guy too; in fact, much more reliable than Sawyer, so I'm not complaining. I love him and things are good. Sawyer's ancient news, really. I'm not in love with him any more.

"So, what were you waiting to talk to Sawyer about? I'm surprised you don't have more women falling over you, actually. You were pretty hot up there too." Kate looked at Sayid brightly, eyebrows raised in query.

_I was waiting for him to ditch the women, so I could nail his hot ass to the closest wall and fuck him senseless._

Sayid smiled graciously and waved a hand dismissively. "I hardly stand a chance with him at centre-stage. But I was… well, I just wanted to go over a few things with him." _Go over his lean body with my tongue._

"Well, he's nothing if not professional, when it comes to the music," Kate assured him, glancing around the room. "He and Jack would ensconce themselves in a room for hours at a time writing songs when they first met. God knows what they had in common – they sure don't seem to get on very well outside of the music arena – but somehow they managed to write these amazing songs together. Maybe it's the friction between them; who knows?" She shook her head lightly, obviously still in wonder after all this time. "Whatever it is they have together, it's definitely magic."

Barely able to keep his smile in place, Sayid felt the prickling heat of jealousy rise through him. The women meant nothing, even he could see that, but it was becoming increasingly obvious that Sawyer was far more into men than he'd indicated. And the only relationships he'd had, other than this girl, were the sexual one with Boone over the last who knew how long, and his partnership with Jack.

"Jack?" he asked, trying to appear casual. "There's nothing else between them, then?"

"What do you mean?" Kate asked, looking around, "Where is Jack, anyway? He and Sawyer are usually on such a high after a show like tonight that they're often the last ones left backstage."

"I thought you didn't see them very often?" Sayid asked, trying to work things out.

"Oh, I don't; not any more, but in the early days, I used to go to all the shows. Of course, I wasn't exactly his girlfriend any more, but… well, once he and I split… Jack and I…" She looked guilty for a second, biting her lip like an embarrassed schoolgirl. "Just for a while. Sawyer hated it; he was so jealous. I like Jack; _liked_ him I should say, but there was no spark there, you know? I kinda hoped… but I could see Sawyer hadn't changed, so I gave up after a while; let them go off together."

"Together?" Sayid asked, stunned. Did she mean that the way it sounded? The jealous tingle behind his eyes started again.

"Oh, you know; I mean with the band. There wasn't anything funny. Sawyer was always screwing some groupie or other - and obviously nothing's changed." She indicated him across the room, quirking an eyebrow as he kissed the cheek of one of the girls next to him and squeezed her closer to his side. "And Jack… well, I did wonder about him sometimes, but he's had a few girlfriends too.

"Oh, is Juliet here, by the way? I should catch up with her. Ah…" She furrowed her brows and smiled, like she understood something, "They probably went back to the hotel."

Sayid didn't disabuse her of the notion, although he couldn't remember seeing Juliet for a while. Tapping his thumb against his jaw thoughtfully, he wondered just what had gone on in the rooms Sawyer and Jack used to hide away in. Had they ever done anything other than make music? Sawyer had indicated he was reasonably inexperienced with men, but maybe he just meant he usually only fucked and got sucked, rather than the other way around. He hadn't really seemed reluctant when he'd given Sayid head; more untried. Sayid had some interesting questions for Sawyer now; questions he was desperate to know the answer to.

"Hey Sayid, it's been nice chatting with you," Kate was saying now, he realised as he looked up, "but I think I'm gonna go. Sawyer's obviously going to be too busy for little old me tonight. It's getting late and I have kids who'll wake me early tomorrow, no matter how late I get to bed. Good luck with things; I'm sure the new song is going to push you guys into the spotlight. Bye now!"

She stood up as she spoke and Sayid did likewise, murmuring his thanks and watching her leave before turning his attention back to Sawyer. The singer looked across at him like he'd felt the kiss of his gaze, and the heat behind green eyes made Sayid's cock throb. Oh, he was definitely getting some tonight.

Sawyer's eyes turned back to one of the women quickly enough that Sayid doubted they even realised his attention had shifted, but Sayid knew he wasn't imagining things. Smiling to himself, he decided to go back to his hotel room. Sawyer knew where to find him, and there couldn't be any doubt in his mind what Sayid wanted, not after that exchange.

~//~

Sayid was lying on his bed, shirt undone, barefooted and quietly smoking a joint when the knock sounded. He smiled to himself and lifted off the bed, lightly stepping across the pale carpet to open the door. It was pushed out of his hands quickly enough and then slammed as a whirlwind came through, and before Sayid knew what was happening, he was pushed against the wall, Sawyer's tongue halfway down his throat.

"Mmmhmmm," he murmured into the forceful mouth, trying to hold the joint out of the way with one hand as the other gripped Sawyer's shirt tightly and pulled him closer.

Hard cock rocked into his own quickly responding one, and slowly Sawyer drew back from the kiss to stroke hands inside Sayid's shirt and run his eyes up and down Sayid's face.

"Fuck, you're making me so damned horny," Sawyer finally muttered, going back for another kiss and thrusting a thigh between Sayid's open legs, his cock stroking over Sayid's hip.

Eventually, Sawyer let him take another breath, and Sayid pushed forward as Sawyer's thigh pressed into his erection more firmly.

"You didn't seem very interested for a while," Sayid managed, lifting the smoke in his hand up to offer it to Sawyer.

Sawyer quirked a half-smile, removing one hand from the nipple he was currently twisting and claiming the joint. "Didn't want to disappoint the fans," he remarked, and put the pot between damp lips before backing away from Sayid and staring back at him with sultry eyes. He took a deep drag and held the smoke in, still studying Sayid from a few feet away.

Sayid continued to lean casually against the wall, letting his eyes half-close and smiling sexily.

"Saw you talking to Kate," Sawyer almost accused after letting the breath out, and then gave a swift look at the bed behind him before backing towards it and meeting Sayid's eyes again as he did so.

"Yes, and I learned some very interesting things."

"What things?" Sawyer said, drawing on the joint as he sat down, legs apart and one hand back on the bed.

"You dated her for some years when you were a teenager," Sayid advised, stepping forward, "Jack and you used to hide away to 'make music' alone together, and she dated Jack too for a while, which apparently made you _very_ jealous."

Sawyer's smile faltered for a second and he let out more smoke, gazing dispassionately at the joint still in his fingers. Sayid reached the bed and looked down at him before stealing the joint back and taking a long, slow hit.

Sawyer still didn't say anything, nor look up at Sayid.

"Did you fuck him?"

"No!" Sawyer burst out angrily, lifting his head to look up at Sayid, his eyes whirling green-blue storms.

Sayid huffed in disbelief and held the joint back down towards Sawyer, his fingers inches from the other man's mouth. His cock was pulsing, waiting for Sawyer to do more than deny his relationship with Jack existed.

"I didn't… and before you ask; no, I didn't let him fuck me either!" Sawyer growled, snatching the joint back and shifting backwards so Sayid's cock wasn't so close to him. Stuffing the pot in his mouth, he kicked at his boots while Sayid stepped away, and then leaned forward to hide under his shaggy hair as he got rid of the offending footwear.

"We…" Sawyer puffed hard on the joint, flicking his hair back and looking sideways at Sayid who had circled around to sit next to him on the bed now. He let the smoke out and handed the joint back to Sayid. "One time, when we were drunk… we got each other off; that's it. Hands only; no kissing. After that, we pretty much avoided each other in case something happened again. I told you; he's straight, and I only… shit, I don't usually do this, man."

Quirking an eyebrow, Sayid laughed outright. "What do you call Boone? And you more or less admitted to me you've been with other men. And why do you think I care? I want to fuck you, not live with you."

Sawyer huffed a laugh now, a bitter edge to it as he turned on the bed and held out a hand for the pot.

"You asked me if I fucked him; you care all right. Okay, so I fucked Boone, and more than once. It don't make me queer. What about you, Queen of the Night? You ain't exactly straight from what I've seen. I know you fucked Shannon, but from what Boone said, you've been makin' eyes at him too. What, you just fuck anything that moves?"

Sayid stroked Sawyer's nearest thigh as the singer took another hit of the weed, his fingers lingering near the crotch. "No, not quite, but I want to fuck _you_."

"Who says I'll let you?" Sawyer asked, watching Sayid's fingers for a moment, and then meeting his eyes.

Sayid could feel the heat of Sawyer's arousal as his fingers brushed nearer to it. He let his fingertips graze the hard strength once, then went back to stroking the thigh. Sawyer's breathing went shallow and he took another long drag on the joint before handing it off once more. Sayid took a final hit, keeping his other hand on Sawyer's leg as they continued to stare into each other's eyes. Very slowly, he let the smoke out, puffing it softly downwards as he pinched the end of the joint and placed it blindly in the ashtray on the nightstand behind him.

Still moving slowly, Sayid pressed Sawyer's chest until he lay back on the bed, and then straddled the man, sitting carefully on his thighs and pressing his hot groin against the answering hardness below. He leaned forward, gripping Sawyer's wrists and pressing them onto the bedding on either side of the man's head. Letting his hair float about his face as he dipped his head lower, Sayid's eyes roamed over the inviting skin and lips of his target.

Mere inches from meeting his lips as Sawyer's dilated eyes stared back at him curiously, he whispered almost menacingly, "You'll let me. You want this as much as I do; I know it. I see it in your eyes every time you look at me."

The eyes widened even more, almost impossibly, and Sayid shifted closer, letting his lips touch Sawyer's, but doing no more than brushing over them as his cock rubbed against Sawyer's through their clothing. Sawyer tried pushing at him, but there was no real fight in it, and then his lips were opening, his head lifting to deepen the kiss. Sayid couldn't resist now, and he simply kissed back, following Sawyer's head as it fell back to the bed.

Sawyer's arms relaxed under him as they kissed, and Sayid couldn't stay like this, no matter that he wanted Sawyer under his power. He let go of the man's wrists and cupped his face, stroking it and his hair as their tongues wound together wetly. He tasted incredible; of pot, bourbon, cherries and hot, excited man all mixed together; it was enough to drive Sayid to distraction. He rocked his arousal into Sawyer's, unsurprised when Sawyer's hands ran up his back under his shirt, pulling him closer.

"Fuck!" Sawyer exclaimed when Sayid finally pulled back to allow them to breathe, both of them panting and writhing against each other.

"Yes," Sayid breathed, and climbed off Sawyer to seek the lube he had stashed in a drawer. One-handedly, he dug it out as he unsnapped his jeans with the other. Flicking a lascivious look back towards the feast on the bed, Sayid grinned at the speed with which Sawyer was removing his clothes, and dropped the tube near the pillow to get rid of his own attire only slightly more slowly.

Naked, both men climbed back on the bed properly; Sawyer not even fighting to be on top as Sayid moved over him and once again sat on his thighs. Gazing down at the golden-skinned beauty, Sayid decided he was definitely lucky. Boone had passed Sawyer over, and Jack wasn't interested, but Sayid was getting all this over several women who'd have given their right arms to be touching it.

He grinned widely, appreciating the hard length jutting up towards him as Sawyer's breathing sped up at his hungry look. Finally touching it, Sayid's ran his fingertips down the satiny covering, causing a tiny gasp to escape Sawyer's lips. Oh, he wanted it alright. Evilly, Sayid took his own cock in hand and began to pump it, ignoring Sawyer's for now.

"Fuck, Sayid," Sawyer groaned, reaching up and gripping Sayid's arm, effectively stopping his motion.

Sayid's grin widened wickedly for a second, but he let go of himself and licked a wide swath across his palm before encircling Sawyer's cock with his damp hand. Sawyer groaned again, his eyes half-closing as he watched. Sayid worked him for a few minutes, his pace steady, but not enough to take him over the edge. Suddenly, he let go, shifting so he could push Sawyer's legs apart, clearly startling the other man.

"Fuck, no…" Sawyer protested feebly, but didn't try to stop him.

Sayid's hand went back around Sawyer's cock as he settled between his legs, causing the most delightful noise to emanate from the singer. Sayid grinned as he located the lube with his other hand and deftly flicked it open. He twisted the hand on Sawyer's dick slightly on the upstroke, making Sawyer repeat the incredible sound, and begin to writhe.

"Sayid…" Sawyer muttered, his hips jerking into Sayid's hand.

"Patience," Sayid whispered and took the hand away to coat it with lube.

He slid the wet fingers down Sawyer's crack, watching his face all the time. Sawyer's eyes held his, but he didn't pull back or move other than to tremble slightly under Sayid's touch. After a few seconds, one of his hands lifted, and initially Sayid thought the man was going to stop him with it, but the fingers met his beard, stroking it gently – almost encouragingly – and Sawyer nodded imperceptibly, saying nothing.

Sayid smiled softly, liking the touch on his face. He moved closer, his lips meeting the smooth glans of Sawyer's cock. Sawyer's gasp doubled as Sayid's damp fingertip found his entrance and circled it lightly. Sticking out his tongue, Sayid licked into Sawyer's already moist slit and collected the bitter liquid there as he allowed his finger to breach Sawyer's hole.

Watching the man's face carefully, Sayid stopped the progress of his finger for a second, engulfing the whole head of Sawyer's dick in one smooth movement and sucking it gently.

"Holy Christ," Sawyer muttered unevenly, watching Sayid's lips.

The trembling increased, but his hole hadn't tensed any more, and Sayid started moving his finger in deeper, amazed at the velvety smoothness of the tight channel. He began to stroke his finger in and out, sucking more firmly on his mouthful, his eyes still upturned towards Sawyer's face. Sawyer was still breathing shallowly, but he was evidently enjoying the action, the fingers of one hand spread against Sayid's beard while the other arm wrapped around the pillow under his head, muscles straining.

Sayid's cock pulsed in anticipation of what was to come. He pushed his hips down into the bedding, savouring the thought as his cock scraped over the rough quilt. Getting braver, he pulled his finger out and, adding a second one, went back for more. Sawyer made the noise again, sending a shiver of delight right through Sayid and he smiled around the cock in his mouth.

"Oh, fucking God, fuck…" Sawyer groaned, his hips lifting as Sayid's seeking fingers found his prostate and pressed into it repeatedly. "I'm gonna…"

But Sayid pulled off the hot cock quickly, drawing his fingers out of Sawyer's ass in the same motion, and shifted himself rapidly so his own cock was close to where he wanted it. Sawyer whined in disbelief, his eyes widening once more as his fingers left Sayid's face.

The whine turned into an erotic groan as Sayid pushed into the waiting hole, and he found it hard to understand why Sawyer had protested so much about being fucked. It was as if he'd been waiting for this moment as long as Sayid had, and as he gripped Sawyer's hips to slowly sink to full depth, the singer pushed back and wrapped his legs around Sayid's waist, speeding up the inevitable.

Sayid gasped at the tightness; the absolute luxury of being fully sheathed by the heated, pulsing channel causing a rush right through his own body and making his vision dim as all his blood headed straight for his cock - as if it wasn't already hard enough.

Sawyer groaned again, and Sayid felt the rush once more. He shifted his knees forward for purchase, pulling Sawyer up his thighs as he began moving, slamming into the hotness with force. Sawyer took it, his hips jerking in reply at every thrust forward, one hand still gripping the pillow and his head thrown back wantonly, eyes fully closed now.

The cock in front of him bounced at every plunge forward, and Sayid had to let go of a hip and take it into his fist, pumping it in time with his thrusts. Sawyer raised his head for a moment, looking on incredulously, then he obviously couldn't hold it up any longer and it fell back, filthy words spewing out of his smooth lips like a winning round of coins from a slot machine.

The dirty language incited Sayid more, and he sped up his actions, feeling his climax spiralling nearer.

"Fuck! Fuck me, you fucking queer asshole, fill me with your spunk, you bastard. Fuck, fuck, _fuck me_!" Sawyer ground out as Sayid did just that, his head growing light as his seed flooded the red hot channel of his desire. He kept pumping his hips, his fist still jerking on Sawyer's dick, and within seconds white chains of Sawyer's come spat all over his warm hand and down the man's belly.

Sawyer jerked several times, his muscles clamping down hard on Sayid's cock, causing a last gasping sigh from him as he let go of Sawyer and pulled out to collapse beside the singer on the bed.

Both of them heaved with the effort and Sayid couldn't move for some time, until a damp hand stroked at his sweaty back, and he managed to roll towards Sawyer.

"Fuck, that was some ride," Sawyer rasped, his chest still rising and falling rapidly.

Sayid reached out a hand, placing it over Sawyer's heart and smiling at the pounding still evident.

"You weren't so bad, either," Sayid advised.

"Not bad for a rookie, huh?" Sawyer managed.

The raw honesty in his green eyes as Sayid sought them with his own was surprising. He'd been saying all along that he didn't do this; that he was somewhat inexperienced with men, but Sayid hadn't really believed him. Knowing he'd slept with Boone didn't confirm he'd been fucked; Sayid knew this much, but he'd just assumed that at some point, Sawyer would have gone with someone who wanted to fuck him rather than the other way around. Apparently this was not so, and Sayid had just taken the man's virginity, in a manner of speaking.

Strangely, a sense of pride filled him, and something else; something he wasn't quite sure he understood. He'd never felt it before, but now, more than anything, he wanted not only to repeat the performance with Sawyer, but he didn't think he wanted to let anyone else have him any more.

Blinking, he shifted closer as Sawyer smiled at him and wrapped him in warm arms. He closed his eyes, breathing in the sexy smell of his lover as they ignored the dampness between them and twined their legs together. Sawyer shifted an arm and brought the blankets over them with difficulty. They twisted, falling closer into each other as he pulled at the bedding, and then Sayid's head was against Sawyer's chest, feeling his heartbeat slow down as the man drifted into sleep.

For the first time ever, Sayid didn't pull away from someone after sex, and within moments, he felt his own consciousness begin to leak away.

~//~//~


	9. Charlie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie gets one or two surprises, and there's a bit of a confrontation by the tour bus.

_Get up in the morning and it's just another day  
Pack up my belongings, I got to get away  
Jump into a taxi and the time is getting tight  
I got to keep a-moving, I got a show tonight_

'Movin' On' Bad Company

The bus always made Charlie sleepy, no matter how much he'd slept the night before, but then last night's party had gone on pretty late for some of them, so he was looking forward to a good doze for most of the trip, and maybe a bit of practising the rest of the time.

His head was pounding something chronic when they were awakened for hotel check-out and told they had an hour 'til the bus left. Charlie and Claire had both been a little woozy after all the booze and pot, but somehow they'd got their shit together and packed up before they were kicked out.

Coming out into the corridor, he hadn't been altogether surprised to see Sawyer exiting Sayid's room somewhat surreptitiously, clearly wearing the same outfit he had onstage last night, and somewhat the worse for wear.

"Fuck!" Sawyer exclaimed, eyes wide when Charlie raised an amused eyebrow in his direction.

"Caught!" Charlie smirked, and started to laugh when Sawyer actually had the decency to blush.

"Fuck off, asshole," Sawyer growled and took off down the hallway, throwing an embarrassed scowl over his shoulder.

"Asshole…yeah, right," Charlie muttered, shaking his head at the man's retreating back. "It's not me who's playing with someone else's asshole."

"What's that?" Claire asked, coming out into the corridor behind him with her bag slung over her shoulder. "Who's playing with assholes?"

"Sawyer and Sayid," Charlie informed her.

"Sawyer and _Sayid_?" Claire looked stunned. "Together?" Charlie nodded. "Are you sure? I thought Sawyer was… what happened to Boone? And _Sayid_? Sayid's gay? He's screwing _Sawyer_?"

"Well, I don't know who's screwing who," Charlie replied with a wince, "and I'm not really sure I want to, but yeah. Sawyer just came out of Sayid's room wearing the same clothes he had on yesterday. After some of the things I saw yesterday, and his reaction just now, I'd say it's pretty clear they're fucking."

Claire blinked at him in surprise. "I had no idea," she murmured. "Very interesting. Penny'll be thrilled anyway, even though she's usually rooting for Boone."

"Penny? What the…?" Charlie couldn't quite figure out why Penny would be so interested, although Des had implied she was curious about such things the day before. He screwed up his eyes in wonder and picked up the bag he'd put down as he waited for Claire. "Does she get off on the idea or something?"

Claire laughed, and took his arm. "She's got a thing about gay guys, and she especially loves Boone. Haven't you noticed? It's not that surprising. Look how many of you guys get all excited about two women getting all 'groovy' together."

"Do you like it?" Charlie asked as they headed outside, "I mean… you know I don't… ugh, I mean! Putting it _there!_ "

Claire waggled her eyebrows, but she shook her head, "It's all right, Charlie, I'm not going to ask you to fulfil a hidden fantasy by snogging Des in front of me or something, I promise. Although…" She moved away from him as she caught sight of Penny, her grin widening. "Penny might like that! You should ask her."

"Might like what?" Penny asked as they neared, her smile curious.

"Fuck off!" Charlie scowled, "I'm not asking her _that._ She might say yes."

He threw a confused look at Des, who was leaning on the bus, smoking a cigarette and raising his eyebrows in question at their words. Des was wearing his favourite blue shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and Charlie could see enough of his chest to wonder if the pose was deliberate, like he already knew what Claire was suggesting. Mind you, he'd said he wasn't into the 'gay thing' yesterday, so Charlie was probably safe.

Penny took Claire aside and they started whispering and gesturing. Charlie shook his head, still frowning, and went to bum a smoke off Des.

"What's that all about?" Des asked, knocking a cigarette out of the pack for Charlie and flicking his lighter.

Charlie let the smoke fill his lungs before he leaned back beside Des and allowed his gaze to wander back to Claire and Penny.

"Those two fag hags," he muttered, "I'm not fucking kissing anyone just so they can get their jollies."

"Kissing? Claire wants to watch you too?" Des asked, and Charlie's eyes flew back to his face.

"Penny's actually _asked_ you to?" Charlie asked, stunned.

Des laughed, and then put his cigarette back in his mouth, taking a long drag. He studied his girlfriend for a few minutes then turned back to Charlie. "She's suggested it, but I told her I don't do boys. She won't do girls, so why should I?"

"Fuck, is everyone here mad?" Charlie asked, not really expecting an answer.

"Pretty much," Des nodded, and straightened up as Sayid came outside to join the group.

"Fuck!" Charlie muttered, watching the guitarist as Claire and Penny turned towards him with obvious excitement. "They're not actually going to ask him, are they?"

"Ask him what?" Des puffed on his cigarette, eyeing Sayid curiously.

"If he and Sawyer are fucking."

"Eh?" Des asked, nearly dropping his smoke in surprise as he spun towards Charlie. "They're not, are they?"

"Probably," Charlie nodded, "going by the evidence."

"You're kidding me! Penny'll be having an orgasm any minute now. Shit. Well, I suppose I should be glad it takes the focus off me again."

"What?" Charlie asked, but then was distracted by trying to hear what the women were saying to Sayid. Surely they hadn't asked him if he and Sawyer were sleeping together. Even if it were true, such a direct question seemed a little much.

"No," Sayid was saying, smiling and shaking his head. "Just a last minute chord change. It worked wonderfully though, I think."

"Oh, it did," Penny was enthusing, "and Sawyer really put his all into the song too, don't you think? I'm sure it's going to be a major hit."

Charlie was sure she emphasised Sawyer's name, like she was trying to get some kind of reaction out of Sayid, but at least they weren't asking him about his sex life - so far. If she was aiming for a reaction, Sayid didn't take the bait; he simply nodded at her, agreeing, and went on to compliment Charlie and Desmond's ability to follow the late change. He offered Charlie a cool smile as he spoke, as if daring him to bring up what he'd seen before the concert yesterday.

Charlie just wanted to get on the bus, but he knew there was no point until everyone was here. They'd be on it long enough for the trip to Reno. Deciding to ignore the whole thing for now, he turned back to Desmond and started talking about drum kits and cymbals. Anything not to think about _that_ any more.

Another half hour went by before Jack showed up, looking more than a little guilty and freshly showered. By now the girls and Sayid had found some equipment to sit on and he and Des were onto their third cigarette each.

"Sorry everyone," Jack offered, then looking around and realising Sawyer was nowhere to be seen, frowned and went on, "Obviously I'm not last. Where is he?"

Des and Charlie exchanged a look and then both glanced in Sayid's direction, although Charlie knew Sawyer had left Sayid's room some time ago.

"What?" Jack asked, shifting his gaze between the two of them for a few moments before turning to look at Sayid. "Sayid? You know where Sawyer is? Ben said everyone was ready."

Just then, as if he was going on the bus with them, Boone came out of the building, and almost right behind him was Sawyer. Both of them looked as clean as Jack; Sawyer's hair was still damp. He had a duffle bag over one shoulder and another bag in his hand, and he stepped forward as Boone stopped in front of him, almost crashing into the young groupie.

"Watch it, kid!" Sawyer growled, grabbing Boone to keep them both upright.

Boone's face had already been pinkish; now it glowed hotly and he jumped about a foot forward, spinning around and spitting at Sawyer, "Fuck off, asshole."

"Not touching your damned asshole," Sawyer hurled back, dropping his bags and looming over the boy. "You want me to? 'Cause I fuckin' did that for the last time. Why don't you ask Jack for a change?"

"Don't fucking touch me!" Boone shouted, trying to back away, but he had a wall behind him now.

"Just calm down, Sawyer," Jack said loudly, stepping forward and grabbing his arm.

Everyone else appeared glued to the spot as the altercation began, and no-one said or did anything until Jack moved, perhaps too stunned after this morning's early start.

"I am fuckin' calm," Sawyer muttered, but he backed off, shaking his arm out of Jack's grip. "Tell your boyfriend to get a grip."

Jack's concerned look in Boone's direction jerked back to Sawyer's face, and Charlie wondered for a moment whether there was something in what Sawyer had said. But no, it couldn't be. He was just being as smart-arsed as ever; Jack was as straight as a die.

"Just fuckin' leave him alone," Jack snarled. "Go pick on someone who's interested." Sawyer smirked at that, and started to say something, but Jack glared harder. "Don't even try it. I've had it up to here with you, you bastard. Come on, Boone, I'll walk you to your car."

Boone had watched the other men with wide eyes, his face still a deep pink, but he pulled away from the wall where he'd ended up leaning awkwardly to nod at Jack. Glaring at Sawyer, who pursed his lips and offered him a mock kiss through the air, Boone circled around him and took a few careful steps towards Jack. They didn't touch, but both gave Sawyer one more glare and walked off towards the cars on the opposite side of the parking lot.

Sawyer flicked his hair back and grinned at the rest of them. "What, you never see a damsel in distress get rescued from the fire-breathin' dragon? There he is, the hero of the story: Sir Lancelot. Give him a fuckin' cheer."

With that, he grabbed his bags from where they'd fallen, stalked past them all and clambered on the bus like he hadn't a care in the world.

Charlie and Desmond frowned at each other once more, and Charlie watched Jack and Boone cross the parking lot for a while. Just when he thought he had them all figured out something like this had to happen. Well, at least Sawyer and Jack being pissed at each other wasn't anything new.

Boone had his hands in his pockets and was kicking at the ground and watching his feet. Jack stood a couple of feet away, speaking earnestly and rubbing nervously at his hair. As Charlie watched, Jack cast a look back towards the bus, meeting Charlie's eyes and looking away again immediately. Jack was too far away to judge his expression, but seconds later he reached out a hand, touching Boone's arm in a gesture of comradeship, and then moved away from him. Boone looked down at his hand as it touched him, and then frowned at Jack, nodding. As Jack walked off, Boone got into his car and immediately reversed out, almost skidding in his hurry to leave.

Jack spun around as the car drove off, watching, then abruptly turned back, striding over to where Charlie and Des were. Sayid and the girls climbed off the crates they were sitting on and filed onto the bus, Penny and Claire whispering something as Sayid followed a few steps behind. Sayid flicked a calm glance in Charlie's direction, but said nothing. Charlie and Des looked at each other as he stepped onto the vehicle, and shrugged in unison before looking towards Jack.

"Let's go, guys," was all Jack offered, as if nothing had happened at all.

There was nothing to do but get on the bus.

~//~//~


	10. Boone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boone finds his life changing, and he couldn't be happier.

  
_I want you to stay, I want you today  
I'm ready for love, oh baby, I'm ready for love  
I'm ready for love, oh baby, I'm ready for love  
I'm waiting for your call, oh yeah_  


'Ready For Love' Bad Company

Boone drove as fast as he could to the motel room he and Shannon were sharing. They needed to get moving if they were going to get to Reno around the same time as the bus. It would be late when they got in, but it would be worth it. During the tour, there had been times when he and Shannon would stop off early on one of these long driving days, crash in a cheap motel somewhere along the journey, and then they'd get up early and catch up with the tour the next morning, while the band were still sleeping.

But things were different now and he wanted to be there tonight. Even Sawyer's asshole behaviour hadn't put him off, and Jack… Jack defending Boone in public like he had was major, even though he didn't want everyone to know what was going on with them.

"C'mon, Shan," Boone called as he opened the door to the motel, "We gotta check out. The tour's moving on, and we're going with it."

Shannon stirred sleepily in one of the beds, shoving at the guy next to her and blinking at Boone in confusion.

"Thought you said we might skip out today? You were talking like you'd had enough yesterday. 'Those bastards can go fuck themselves', remember?"

"Changed my mind." Boone grinned, unable to stop his happiness. He gestured at the man still snoring next to Shannon. "Who's he? We need to ditch him and get moving if we're going to get to Reno tonight."

Shannon curled a lip as she sat up and looked at the dark-haired man in her bed. She pulled the sheet up around her breasts – not that Boone hadn't seen her naked before – and frowned at him.

"So what changed?"

"Jack," Boone said, looking down and then lifting his eyes shyly.

"Jack?" She attempted to get the bedding off from around the guy and move away from the bed, "What d'you mean?" Her eyes widened suddenly and she stood still as she asked incredulously, "He didn't…? You didn't…? You're kidding, aren't you?!"

Boone shook his head, his smile growing. "I'm not kidding. He was amazing! Oh, Shannon, I never… I really never imagined, after all this time…"

~//~//~

After Jack's admission about Sawyer, Boone froze for a moment, unable to believe what he was hearing. Jack's head stayed bowed and he didn't move either, until Boone suddenly sprang into action, leaping off the crate and stomping across the parking lot in search of his car.

Of all the people for Jack to be in love with, why _him?_

The tears were rolling down his cheeks, and Boone didn't know of any reason why he should stick around now he'd heard _that_. It was worse than thinking Jack was straight for all this time.

"Boone!" Jack yelled behind him, but Boone didn't stop.

He couldn't remember where his car was parked now, but he wasn't about to hang around and let Jack rub in how completely out of luck he was. Sawyer might have screwed Sayid by now, but the chances were if he knew Jack was available and interested, he'd ditch the guitarist as quickly as he'd tried to shed Boone.

"Boone!" Jack called again and then he was right behind him, grabbing his left wrist and trying to get Boone to turn towards him.

"Fuck off, Jack," Boone sobbed, tears blurring his eyes so badly he couldn't see straight.

"No, Boone, no," Jack was saying, his voice low and full of something Boone couldn't judge. "Come here, please?"

Boone kept trying to pull away, but Jack didn't let go, his other hand coming around to take Boone's right arm.

"You wanna fuckin' bruise me, do you? Fuck, Jack, it's bad enough you don't care about me, without this! Go find Sawyer and tell him it's all on. Fuckin' let me be! I can't take it, I can't! Just fuck off!"

But Jack wouldn't let go. Eventually Boone stopped fighting and gave in to the embrace he found himself in. Jack stroked his hair with one hand, the other arm encircling him tightly as he pressed into Jack's chest and sobbed against his shirt.

"Sshh, it's okay, it's okay," Jack was murmuring, and Boone cried all the harder, not sure why he was letting Jack hold him or why the man was even doing it.

They stayed that way for some minutes, out in the darkened parking lot, and it was only the fact that he realised he was getting Jack's shirt all wet that finally made Boone pull away.

"I'm sorry," he managed as Jack looked at him sadly. "I didn't mean to cry all over you. I'd better go now."

"Don't go, please?" Jack asked forlornly.

"Look, Jack, I do understand, believe me. I know all about unrequited love and holding things back, believe me, but…" Boone paused, wiping harshly at his damp face and taking a deep breath before he gave Jack the good news, "All you have to do is tell him. It'll be different to this, I can promise you."

"What?" Jack asked, confusion pooling in his eyes.

"Sawyer. He's… look he wasn't screwing me because he _likes_ me. He was doing it to make you jealous. It's _you_ he wants."

"No," Jack shook his head, "No, he doesn't. And anyway, it's…" Jack paused, licking his lips and turning his head to stare back at the building for a moment. He shifted again, scrubbing a hand across his head as he looked at his boots, and then gazed up at Boone, the shine of his eyes brilliant as he went on. "I don't want him, Boone. He's such a fucking jerk. I can write songs with him and I can… hold onto this… this… _feeling_ I have for him, tucked away somewhere, but there's no way on God's earth I'm going to do anything about it. I don't want that. That's what I was trying to tell you, Boone… I'm in love with him, but… as God is my witness, I want to get past it, and I think… well, I think…"

"Think what?" Boone was completely at a loss for what Jack was trying to tell him.

"I care about you too… I… I've been… Shit, I've been a jerk, Boone. Half the reason I didn't talk to you was because I was scared how much I wanted to…"

"You don't mean that." Boone shook his head, stepping backwards. He was aware he was shivering, but he didn't care about the cold; he was too frightened of being further hurt to even consider that what Jack was implying could be true.

Jack took a step towards him, his hand out, and Boone almost backed away further, but the fingers touched his cheek and he couldn't; not now.

"I do," Jack murmured, "I've wanted to kiss you since I don't know when. I kept telling myself it was crazy, that even _thinking_ something like that was just wrong… that I shouldn't want that, not when… and there was Juliet… But now she's gone and I… I just don't see any reason for holding back any more. Please, Boone? Please don't say no."

"I should though, shouldn't I?" Boone asked, shivering harder and trying not to respond to the soft fingers travelling across his face.

"Yes, you probably should," Jack answered, letting his hand drop away and taking a step back.

"Tell me you're not doing this just to drive Sawyer crazy?" Boone asked then, following him.

"No, I wouldn't do that. I don't play his kind of games. Boone, this is something I've been thinking about really hard, ever since we talked earlier and I just know… well, if I don't… If I don't take the risk, how will I ever know for sure? I do care about you, Boone. I'll be honest, I'm not sure it's _love_ , exactly, but… it's a hell of a lot more than just _like_. I want to touch you, kiss you and get to _know_ you properly. Is that so very wrong? I don't want any of that with Sawyer, no matter what I feel."

Boone felt like his heart would break. The raw honesty in Jack's admission was almost too much to bear. He wasn't sure if it was love, the man said, but it was _something_ ; something more than Boone had imagined likely before tonight. Boone knew if it went wrong, he'd be the one getting hurt, but how _could_ he say no after that, especially when it was so close to what he'd wanted for so long?

Looking down and swallowing to keep the tears at bay, Boone whispered, "It's not wrong. I want it too."

Jack moved then, enfolding Boone in strong arms once more, and Boone could do nothing other than cling to him. Jack's hands stroked through his hair, turning his face upward and then his lips were on Boone's, melting any resolve he might have had completely.

~//~

They'd gone back to the hotel, finding Jack's room without anyone seeing them – much to their amazement – although they were no longer touching, just in case.

Once inside the room, Boone felt shy all of a sudden, and he watched Jack from near the door as the man he had loved from afar for so long moved towards the bed and sat on it, unbuttoning his shirt and looking back up at Boone with warm eyes.

"Better get this off," Jack said cautiously, his eyes shifting like he didn't know what the expression in Boone's eyes meant. "It's wet, and I probably stink anyway. Maybe I should have a shower."

"Maybe you should." Boone looked around the room and rubbed his arms. "And I'm sorry about the tears. Hope I didn't ruin it."

"It's okay," Jack said softly, and stood up again, bare-chested now. "Will you come with me?"

"Come where?" Boone said, his eyes widening. His heart was thumping crazily and he was beginning to think he'd made a huge mistake. They were both acting so awkwardly, and Boone wasn't even sure if Jack was going to do anything with him beyond the simple kiss they'd shared in the parking lot.

"The shower. Please?" Jack held out a hand to Boone, waiting patiently, like he was the one who had all the experience in sleeping with men, rather than Boone.

A sudden thought went through Boone's head and he ignored the question, and didn't touch Jack's outstretched hand. "Did you ever have sex with Sawyer?"

Jack swallowed, his eyes shifting around uneasily as he dropped his hand.

"You did, didn't you?" Boone asked, incredulous.

"Boone, it's not what you’re thinking. It… it was just _one_ time when we were both drunk. It was years ago – before you or Juliet were around – and Desmond was asleep in the room, for God's sake." He laughed, embarrassed, and shoved a palm across his hair. "Just… it wasn't even… we just jerked each other off, we didn't even kiss!"

"Really?" Boone was amazed. If they'd done that much, how was it that they'd never gone any further - talked about what they felt or slept together properly. "Why didn't you… why wasn't there more? If you loved him? After all this time; I… I don't understand."

"I don't know; scared, I guess. Neither of us thought we were… into men. I thought he hated me after that; he backed off so damned quickly, and I just… fuck, I was too afraid to go near him. Then he started screwing around really hard… I mean, you've seen him; different girls all the time. I just thought he was straight. You know, like it was one of those dumb things you do when you're drunk, and then wish you hadn't. And by the time he was sleeping with you, I was seeing Juliet."

Boone nodded, thinking about both men's usual manner. They did circle each other like wary dogs at times, like they didn't know whether to fight or fuck. Of course, it all made so much sense now. They had chosen to fight. Perhaps the Daze might be a different band if they'd picked fucking instead, but Boone wasn't going to think about that now.

Jack had said he wanted to get to know Boone; to actually... maybe he was even talking about having some kind of relationship with him. Surely, if he thought things could develop with Sawyer, he wouldn't even be suggesting it? The guy might have been hiding his nature away all these years, but he wasn't the type to just fuck and run.

Or was he? Boone still wasn't completely sure, but he had to know if Jack was going to go through with this; if he meant what he'd implied. They'd kissed, but it was such a chaste thing; no more than he and Shannon did some days, although Shannon had never felt Boone's hard cock pressed against her leg when they embraced like that, nor had he felt an answering firmness that told him there was definite interest in his partner.

"Have you ever been with a man other than Sawyer, Jack?" Boone had to know. What he was trying to convince himself that he was gay as a way of hiding from his grief over his relationship with Juliet finishing? "Done more than just jerking each other off, I mean?"

Licking his lips, Jack took another step closer and put a hand on Boone's arm, running his palm back and forth and causing hairs to rise all over Boone’s body. How could such a simple touch from the man be so intensely erotic? Boone had to close his eyes for a second as he felt his blood rush south.

"A long time ago. I was a teenager then. This guy from school... he and I... well, we experimented a little. But... I still liked girls, and at school we both had girlfriends. We did a few things over a weekend when he stayed with my family while his folks went on a business trip. But... back at school, we didn't talk about it and I guess we both sort of... forgot about it. It just didn't seem real any more when he was dating the head cheerleader and my girlfriend was organising the prom and making me help her. I haven't done anything like it since... until Sawyer... but, Boone..."

He stopped talking, his free hand finding Boone's other arm and drawing him nearer with a gentle touch. Boone looked into the depths of Jack's eyes, knowing this was the honest truth. How could it be anything else?

"Are you really sure you want to do this now?" Boone couldn't stop himself from asking. He wanted it so much, but to sleep with Jack and then find out the guy thought it was as horrible a mistake as he had done with Sawyer... that would kill Boone. Having the fantasy come true just for one night and then having Jack act like he was nothing again would be too cruel. He had more pride than that, no matter what people thought of him.

"Do you?" Jack asked, his hands straying up to cup Boone's cheeks.

"You know I do," Boone told him, his lip quivering as he tried to maintain his composure. "But I'm not prepared to be walked over any more. Sawyer treated me like his lap dog; there for the taking any time he wanted, but ignoring me otherwise. _You've_ practically ignored me until now. If I let you fuck me, is it going to be any different?"

"Boone, I said I'm sorry about that - I know I was a bastard to you, but I'm _not_ Sawyer. If I _make love_ to you, I'm not going to cast you off tomorrow or talk about you like you're a joke. I _care_ about you and I wouldn't hurt you for all the world."

Boone's eyes fell to the bruise Jack had made earlier. That was clearly not true, or he wouldn't have made that mark on Boone's arm. But he had to admit, Jack had been fighting some harsh inner demons when he'd made that – and probably still was – so he could probably be forgiven for that one foolish incident.

"I'm so sorry about that," Jack murmured, caressing Boone's face still. "I won't ever do anything like that again, I promise."

And then he was kissing Boone, soft lips gently opening Boone's mouth and his tongue dipping in so tentatively that Boone almost cried again. His hands finally found Jack's bare waist, drawing him nearer, and he let the kiss deepen, their tongues tangling together hotly. The kiss grew more urgent, and Boone could feel Jack's hardness against him, his own cock not in a very different state.

Gasping, they drew apart, and then Jack's hands sought the buttons on Boone's shirt, fingers fumbling in urgency. Boone watched, almost dumbfounded that Jack was so desperate. He had always been so cool and collected around Boone before; this kind of letting go wasn't expected.

Then the shirt was off and Jack attacked his jeans, unzipping quickly as Boone eventually moved himself, reaching for Jack's fly in turn. With some more fumbling, many muffled giggles and a lot of speed, they were suddenly both naked and pressed together once more.

Boone couldn't believe they were finally touching this way, and he had to run his fingers through Jack's chest hair over and over as they kissed once more, just to know for certain it wasn't his mind playing tricks on him as he had sex with Sawyer again. Their bodies were so different, although they were a similar size.

Jack groaned as their cocks slid heatedly against one another, and Boone managed, "The bed," between more urgent kisses. Jack's hands were warm against Boone's skin as he backed Boone towards the mattress. He fell easily, uncaring of the weight as Jack landed on top of him.

They continued kissing for some time, the taste of Jack sublime. Boone didn't want it to stop, even though he wanted so much more, and for a change, was about to get it.

"Do you have something?" Boone asked, finally getting to the point of desperation himself, needing Jack's cock inside him before he burst.

"Something?" Jack queried, preoccupied with kissing Boone's neck just below one ear.

"Something slippery? Lube?" Boone muttered, his throat dry from the sheer bliss taking him over.

"Lube?" Jack repeated, like he had no idea.

"Jack, I don't… I'm not a girl. If you're going to fuck me, we'll need something, and spit really doesn't do it for me."

Jack pulled back, blushing, although his cock certainly hadn't gone down. "Okay, umm, what?" He looked around uncertainly.

"Lotion? Vaseline?" Boone suggested, rocking his hips upward so Jack wouldn't forget what they were there for.

"Lotion! There's some in the bathroom," Jack said brightly, and then he frowned. "But I don't want to leave you."

"I know, Jack, but it's necessary," Boone soothed, his hands caressing whatever skin he could find.

"Won't be long," Jack assured Boone, and moved quickly off him, padding silently across the carpet and grinning back from the doorway to the bathroom before disappearing inside.

Boone felt cold as Jack's body left his, but he stretched out, closing his eyes as he listened to Jack clattering in the other room, and appreciating the thud of his blood pulsing around his body. God, his cock had never felt so damned hard! He opened his eyes as Jack returned, smiling with pleasure. Jack gave him a loving look as he moved back onto the bed and Boone's heart swelled with the intensity of his love.

"Come here," he murmured, reaching out a hand.

Jack obeyed, handing him the bottle and nervously eyeing it.

"Not that, silly; I want you," Boone told him, sitting up and wrapping himself around Jack's neck, bottle still in hand.

They looked at each other for a moment, and then they were kissing once more, tongues sliding deliciously against one another as Boone moved into Jack's lap.

"Oh God, I want you so bad," Jack groaned, his hand moving between them, although not touching Boone's cock yet.

The power that gave Boone was heady, and he kissed the man again, and put his own hand on Jack's, lifting it to wrap around both of their erections. Jack took less encouraging than he might have expected, his grip tightening in a way that suggested he would learn anything he was unsure of quickly. The action made them both gasp, and Boone began to doubt he could last until Jack entered him.

"Please," he begged in between kisses, and made Jack let go again. "You need to fuck me now!"

Jack offered him a heated smile and pushed him down to the bed. Flipping onto his stomach, Boone offered the bottle back to Jack over his shoulder, along with a sexy look.

"No." Jack shook his head. "Not that way. I want to look at you while we do this. Please?"

Boone gave him a surprised look. Sawyer had never wanted to do it facing each other – apart when Boone was on top – and most other guys he'd been with hadn't been bothered either.

But this was _Jack_. Jack was different and special, and somehow it wasn't surprising.

Turning back over as Jack smiled shyly down at him, Boone spread his legs to allow Jack in between them. Perhaps understandably, Jack had a shy look on his face as he smiled nervously and fingered the bottle, that Boone knew he had to give the man a little direction or they mightn't get anywhere.

"Um... how much did you do with your friend? You'll have to prep me... unless you want me to show you?" Boone said, feeling nervous himself.

He bit his lip as Jack's eyes flew to his and widened. Definitely hadn't gone all the way, then.

"Here," he said, reaching to take Jack's hand, "Just put some lotion on your fingers... circle around there a bit and then-"

"No." Jack shook his head as he cut in. "I..." He blushed deeply, swallowing before dropping his eyes and muttering, "I want to watch you... do that."

Boone grinned despite Jack's embarrassment, and murmured, "Dirty bastard." He leaned up and took the bottle out of Jack's loose fingers, grinning more when Jack lifted his head and huffed a shy laugh. "I have a feeling you're more kinky than I'd have guessed."

Jack bit his lip, looking slightly shifty, and then joined in when Boone laughed. It really wasn't a big deal to Boone if Jack wanted to watch; he'd have jerked off in front of him long ago if he'd known.

He flipped open the lid of the bottle and poured some of the liquid onto his fingers, smiling up from under his lashes as Jack watched interestedly. Dropping the bottle, Boone shifted to prop himself on the pillows piled behind him, adjusting things to begin touching himself as Jack got comfortable beside him.

Boone spread his legs, hitching his hips up over one pillow to allow easier access. He gave his cock a couple of slow strokes and looked sideways to appreciate Jack's reaction. Jack evidently _did_ like to watch, as his lips went slack, and his breathing seemed to speed up. Slipping his hand down further, Boone arched back as he fondled his balls and then stroked along the crease behind them, circling delicately around his pucker. Jack took an audible breath, and Boone let his smile grow as his fingertip slipped into his asshole. He couldn't stop the gasp as Jack suddenly moved nearer, pressing his hard flesh against Boone's hip in his eagerness.

"You sure you don't wanna help?" Boone asked, pushing his finger in further and then pulling it almost all the way out.

"Oh God..." Jack groaned, watching between Boone's legs. He sounded completely breathless. "You... you're doing fine."

Deciding to step things up, Boone drew his finger out and pushed two back in almost immediately. Jack shifted again and the action sent a frisson of lust spiking through Boone. He started rocking into the action of his fingers just as Jack's hand found his thigh, stroking over the fine hairs there deliciously. Stretching his fingers out, Boone knew he’d better not aim for his sweet spot yet, or he'd be going off way too soon. What he desperately needed was Jack's cock in there.

"Oh, fuck," Jack muttered, and Boone looked about for the lotion, grabbing the bottle with his free hand and flipping the lid awkwardly without moving the fingers of his other hand out of his body.

Jack kissed his cheek, eyes still trained on Boone's fingers, but Boone knew he had to keep things moving in order for Jack to be inside him when he came; and he definitely wanted that.

"Jack... here," Boone said, pulling his fingers out and turning to find Jack's cock, slicking it up and letting go of the bottle to concentrate on Jack's pleasure for a moment.

Another delicious groan came from Jack's mouth, and he plucked Boone's fingers away like it was too much all of a sudden. Jack turned further, pushing Boone's nearest leg upwards and out of his way as he instinctively headed for the place Boone wanted him. Boone held his breath, trying to relax, but Jack was thoughtful and slow, carefully checking Boone's face as he manoeuvred himself nearer. Managing to line himself up, he pressed just the tip of his cock in before angling Boone's leg higher up and over his shoulder, then leaned forward onto one arm to avoid squashing Boone.

"Okay?" he asked, his whole body trembling as he waited for Boone's reply.

Boone could only nod, desperate for Jack to carry on, and then it was happening; hot strength driving slowly into him and filling him so completely it was like coming home. His whole body seemed on fire as Jack held his gaze, the most amazingly tender expression in his eyes.

"God, that's good," Jack breathed, and leaned in to capture Boone's lips.

The intensity of the kiss and the sensation tightening his heart was incredible. Boone had never imagined he'd ever find himself in this position with Jack, and the reality was almost more than he could bear. His cock pulsed hotly, and then Jack was finally moving, slowly at first as his lips sought places on Boone's face and neck, sucking at different sensitive places, and then more quickly as his excitement built.

Boone wasn't sure he'd need any touch on his cock, but Jack was there almost before he had the thought, the hand that had been holding his leg up shifting to encircle him. The feeling shot electric sparks through Boone and it took a mere couple of strokes, as Jack continued his steady thrusts into him, before Boone felt himself spasm sharply, and jerked underneath Jack, hot come spurting out wildly.

"Fuck!" he grunted, clamping muscles down tightly on Jack's cock, and feeling the man hit his own peak as his powerful thrusts lost direction and a warmth spread inside Boone.

Jack pumped into him a few more times, then quickly drew out, letting Boone's aching leg down and dropping half onto him to pant deliciously in his ear. Boone grabbed the edge of the sheet, wiping himself quickly and then turned to seek Jack's lips.

"That was... fuck, that was good," Jack said weakly, kissing Boone and drawing him nearer,

"You're not kidding," Boone managed. "Worth waiting for."

Then they lost the ability to speak, and closing his eyes, Boone felt himself falling into unconsciousness.

~//~

Drinking in the scent of the sex and sweat underneath his chest, Boone came awake slowly, blinking as he tried to work out who he was with. He'd hardly ever _slept_ with a guy, although he'd had sex with quite a few.

It came back to him with a rush, and he lifted his head, smiling in pleasure at Jack's warm countenance. He had obviously been awake for a while longer, and seemed happy to see Boone; beaming cheerfully at him and stroking a gentle hand up and down Boone's arm as he gazed down with what looked like love.

"Hey, sleepy-head," Jack greeted at last. "We should get moving. I had a wake-up call a while ago - the bus is leaving in less than an hour. I didn't have the heart to disturb you when you looked so gorgeously happy asleep. Felt pretty good too, actually."

Boone's smile widened at the warmth in Jack's voice, but then he made a serious face. "You better not be late; they might send someone looking for you. Do we have time for a shower? I feel… sticky."

"Yeah, 'course we do," Jack nodded, but didn't move, his own expression becoming worried, although he held Boone over him with one hand and continued to lightly stroke at his arm with the other.

Boone guessed what was going through his head, and although he wished it didn't have to be so, he understood Jack's need for secrecy. As far as anyone else knew, he and Juliet were still together, and Boone had most recently been sleeping with Sawyer. Jack might be in a rock band, but 'free love' still wasn't that easy for him, and this would be admitting not just an affair, but a homosexual liaison; something Jack may not want to do right now, if ever. Boone couldn't see that he was the sort of guy who'd deny it outright like Sawyer had done, but he still might not be so keen to have it splashed about openly.

"I'm not going to tell anyone, Jack," he said, pushing up and moving off Jack's body, though it was the last thing he wanted to do. "I mean… I don't know what last night meant to you, but I… I know how you don't like people to know your business, and I respect that."

He managed a tight smile, and moved to the edge of the bed.

"Boone…" Jack murmured, sitting up and taking his arm - and much more gently than he'd done yesterday that first time.

"What?" Boone eyed the hand on his arm, his heart speeding up.

The bruise just above where Jack currently held wasn't that bad, but anyone who saw it had to know it was from someone holding him tightly. He wouldn't move in case Jack considered doing it again, although he didn't really think it likely.

"Boone, I… last night meant a lot to me. I was hoping… well, that maybe it meant something to you too. I want…" He faded off, dropping his eyes away from Boone's and letting go of his arm.

Jack's face was flushed, and Boone couldn't read his expression now. But the assurance that what they'd done meant something to him made him smile – if nervously – and he felt a need to reassure the man.

"Jack, I meant it when I said I loved you. I haven't just been hanging around, hoping you'd take me to bed so I could run off and tell everyone I screwed a rock star, and that's it." He felt tears threatening, but he wouldn't let them near. His emotions felt stronger than they had in all the time he'd been in love with Jack; last night had finally taken his love from pure fantasy into the realms of possibility. "I want to be with you, and not just for sex. I don't know what you want, but I want to find out."

Nodding, Jack looked back up, a concerned look across his face as he opened his mouth to speak. "I never thought I'd be saying this to another man, despite everything I've told you. I want to be with you too. I know it looks like I'm just on the rebound from… from Juliet, and it's a way to avoid Sawyer, but… it's really not like that.

"I never wanted to love him, but I realise after everything that's gone on between us since we first met that it's exactly what happened. I don't even know _why_. You know what he's like; why would I love that? He's… Christ, he's arrogant, he treats people like shit, he has no patience, no understanding, and sometimes he's downright mean. But for years… I've been fighting it; explaining it away in my head, and yet it was still _there_.

"I thought Juliet was the answer; that if I had someone like her, I wouldn't be… drawn to him so much, but it didn't change anything."

Jack stopped, his lips trembling until he pressed them tightly together and swallowed; he was clearly fighting tears. Boone opened his mouth, but Jack shook his head, silencing him with a pained look.

"Last night was the first time I actually felt like he didn't matter; like I was with someone because I _wanted_ to be, not because I was trying to forget him. In the whole time we were making love last night, Boone, I didn't once wonder what it would feel like to touch him instead of the person I was with.

"I won't tell you I love you; that'd be crazy so soon, but… can you… will you… if I say I want you more than anyone else I can remember since… I don't even know; would that make you consider taking me on? I don't want to lie to myself any more, Boone, or to you, ever. I just want… I want you."

"Jack." Boone wasn't even sure what answer he could give that wouldn't sound like something out of a bad romance novel, but he smiled, unable to stop the tears from pooling in his eyes. "Of course I'll take you on! It's more than I ever imagined."

And before he could say anything really stupid, he moved across the bed and wound his arms around Jack's neck, kissing him harshly. Jack's hands went across Boone's back, drawing him nearer as the kiss deepened.

Before Boone could control it, his desire rose like an out-of-control wildfire. Jack groaned, obviously feeling it too, and kissed him again, his hands sliding to cup Boone's ass and bump their growing erections together.

"Fuck…" Boone whispered, not sure if he could stop now.

"The shower, we need to…" Jack tried, but then they were kissing again, his hands caressing bare skin and sending jolts of electricity through Boone.

"Yes, yes, c'mon," Boone replied, tearing his mouth away and finally managing to think about something other than his increasing need. "Let's get in the shower." He pulled Jack's hands off his ass with difficulty and backed out of the man's reach.

Jack looked surprised, but he let Boone move away. Boone grinned sexily and grabbed Jack's hand, encouraging him off the bed too, and then, laughing, led him into the bathroom. Jack grinned and pulled Boone close, kissing him suggestively while slowly making their way to the shower stall. He pressed Boone up against the edge of it as he reached past to turn the water on, grinding hard flesh into Boone's body as he cupped a cheek and delved his tongue more deeply into Boone's eager mouth.

Boone didn't care about morning breath or about their sticky and sweaty bodies; all he cared about was being close to Jack, and _staying_ close to him. In the end it was Jack who tore away from the tangling of tongues and manoeuvred them into the shower, practically lifting Boone to do so.

Under the spray, Boone tried to kiss Jack again, but Jack had other ideas, sliding his hands down wet skin and tipping Boone's head to lick at his neck. Boone let his head fall back, his hands loosely holding Jack as he gave in to the pleasure. Jack nipped and sucked at his skin, working his way downwards half-under the warm stream of water. His tongue played with Boone's nipples one after the other, making them rise to sharp points with ease.

And then he was gone again, trailing further downward as Boone's hands found their way to his shoulders.

"Jack…" Boone breathed, unsure his lover was really about to do what it seemed, but then he was pushed back against the tiles, Jack's lips finding his cock, and all question was gone.

Incredibly, Jack was doing it; sucking eagerly on his hard cock like he hadn't been near anything so delicious in months, and Boone shut his eyes and moaned at the sensation. But he couldn't keep his eyes shut; he had to open them and see what Jack was doing - prove to himself that it wasn't just a dream.

 _Oh God!_ Jack was an amazing man. Whether he'd done this or not, Boone wasn't sure, but he seemed to know what he was doing, licking the wetness off and then circling his tongue around tender places before engulfing as much of the shaft as he could.

Sawyer had never done this for Boone; in fact only one or two other men had ever attempted it on him. Most of them just wanted his ass, or _his_ mouth doing all the work. But Jack, in all his generosity – as Boone had almost known he would – was offering this before Boone even had a chance to suggest he did it for Jack first.

_Christ!_

Boone found his excitement building so quickly, he had to hold back from pumping his hips into the heated cavern of Jack's mouth, his hands clutching at short hair he couldn't get a grip on. All he wanted to do was come where he was, but somehow he wasn't sure Jack could handle it.

"Oh God, Jack, now, now, now!" he babbled, trying to drag Jack's head away as his back slammed into the wall.

Jack evidently got the picture, as he pulled his mouth off just as Boone could no longer hold back, his come exploding out like a volcano. Jack's fingers stayed on him as the spray from the showerhead washed away the mess that had landed on his face and chest.

"Jesus Christ..." Boone muttered, pushing Jack's hands away and sliding down the wall.

Grinning widely, Jack leaned forward over him, the water drumming off his back noisily.

"Was that okay?" Jack asked, pecking his lips.

"Okay?" Boone looked up, stunned, sure his face must be completely pink from pleasure. "It was fucking amazing. You've done that before, right?"

Jack shook his head fractionally, a shy look coming over him. Boone lifted an eyebrow in surprise. "You do it pretty well. Mind you... haven't had it done much."

The question in Jack's eyes was glaringly obvious, but clearly he didn't want to ask it.

"He never did; not for me. Don't worry, Jack, there's no comparison. Come here." Boone pulled Jack nearer now his heart was getting back to its usual rhythm. He licked at the soft lips, and then plunged his tongue inside, one hand curved around Jack's neck and the other reaching for his still very hard cock. "Let me return the favour, okay?"

"Oh God, yes," Jack breathed as Boone's fingers wrapped around his length.

"Stand up."

Gulping, Jack slipped a little as Boone let go and he tried to obey the instruction. His body was quivering as Boone pushed him against the opposite wall. Boone went onto his knees and lapped at the damp hairs around Jack's cock as he teased it lightly with one hand and fondled his balls with the other.

Allowing his head to tilt backward, Boone looked up the length of Jack's body, a cheeky smile on his face, enjoying the lack of control Jack seemed to be exhibiting. His hips jerked uneasily into Boone's fist, and his jaw was slack, watching Boone. Water trickled sexily down Jack's body and Boone licked at it, then let go of Jack's cock and tormented him by suckling at the base of his erection. He licked a long slow stripe up the underside of the heated flesh, circling his tongue around the head before softly covering it with rosy lips.

Jack's breathing was uneven and his eyes were glazed as he watched what was happening to him. Boone couldn't take his own eyes off the beauty of the man in this state - not that he ever found it hard to look at him.

Suckling more firmly, Boone shifted his hands to Jack's hips, holding him steady as the warm water played over his back. Bobbing up and down on the smooth flesh in front of him, he could hear Jack's rasping breaths as he neared his climax, and it shot a bolt of desire through him, making him moan around his mouthful.

Jack whimpered, his hands slipping on the wall behind him, and Boone moved faster, desperate to give the man more pleasure. One hand found Boone's hair, stroking through the wet strands as Boone suckled tightly, then plunged his mouth down over the broad dick as far as he could.

"Fuck!" Jack practically screamed, pushing at Boone's head like he wanted him to back off, but Boone had sensed the impending orgasm and he was happy to take everything Jack offered. He gripped Jack's hips more tightly and sucked harder, offering a reassuring look up as Jack gave in to the inevitable and shuddered into his climax.

Boone swallowed around his mouthful, savouring the taste, and then slowly licked his way off as he kept hold of Jack's hips to steady the shaky man above him. Jack shuddered and banged his head back on the tiles, wincing as he opened his eyes to stare incredulously down at Boone.

Climbing back up Jack's body and kissing him as he held him against the wall, Boone asked, "You okay? That looked like it hurt."

"Fuck, I was still..." Jack rasped, and cleared his throat before going on, "I'm still high from what you just did; I barely noticed." He grinned and pulled Boone closer to kiss at his lips softly. "That was pretty damned good."

"Thank you. You were great too." Boone couldn't stop smiling.

"We better get washed, huh?" Jack kissed him one more time, and then reached for the soap. "We'll be late for the bus. Uh... well, I will be. You'll come by car with Shannon?"

As Jack started washing him, Boone shivered delightedly under his touch. He nodded, "We were thinking about leaving, but I won't now... if you don't mind, that is." He shot a hopeful look up at Jack's face, biting his lip.

"Don't be silly. Of course I want you around, especially now. But... not just because of the sex, okay? I... look, I don't want anyone to know yet, but it's not 'cause I'm ashamed of this. I don't want them going all stupid over us, that's all. You know what they're like, and... well, Sawyer would be such a damned bastard if he knew. I'm still wrapping my head around it, anyway, although..." He paused in soaping Boone's back. "I still want it; want you. I want to get to know you better, anyway. I've short-changed you so much. I know you really like the music and... well, you're not stupid. I wish I hadn't..."

"Don't worry about it, Jack, I know that. We'll have time. Obviously, I wish we could be open, but... I understand."

He turned, taking the soap out of Jack's hands and beaming up at him. Jack looked sad, but he managed a smile at Boone's reassurances and just nodded.

Jack didn't say anything though, so Boone went on, "Reno tonight. I'll drive all day to be there if I have to. I have to see you again tonight before I sleep."

"I hope so - I want you sleeping with _me_ ; that's if you want to."

Boone grinned happily. There was nothing he wanted more.

~//~//~

Shannon smiled and reached out a hand to take Boone's. "I'm so glad for you, baby. He's… well, it's about time he discovered you properly. He really didn't know what he was missing. But… what about Juliet?"

"They broke up. She left him; she's getting married to some other guy."

"Good. That bitch just about cut off his balls, if you ask me. Oh, Boone, I'm so happy for you!" She bounced closer, almost losing the sheet in the process. Somehow she managed to hold onto it as she kissed and hugged him tightly. "But, Boone… I’m not going with you. Steve…" She gestured behind her to the snoring figure on the bed. "He's gonna take me back to LA. I can't do it anymore. Sayid was the last straw. I… I'm not into the band quite like you are, and I'm tired of running around after them."

"But… Shannon, it won't be the same without you." He flicked a glance at her 'boyfriend' and then frowned at her. "Weren't you going back to LA with me if I went?"

She smiled at him apologetically, still holding his hand. "I knew you wouldn't leave, Boone. I kinda… well, Steve was my back-up plan. I need to get back to the city, get myself together and get a job, you know? He's not important, but he's okay." She wrinkled her nose, casting the guy a fond look over her shoulder. "And he'll take me there, so… yeah, anyway. Don't worry, baby, he's a good guy."

Boone looked at the guy – who he had to admit was different from Shannon's usual rock-star type – and nodded, hoping she was right. She was an amazingly good judge sometimes, to his surprise, and the man certainly didn't seem like anyone she couldn't handle.

"You sure?" he asked, lifting an eyebrow. "You've got a credit card, right?"

"I have _your_ credit card, Boone. I'll be fine, honest! You… you pack up your bags and get outta here before you miss that boyfriend of yours. He's one lucky guy. Don't forget to send me a postcard, huh? I'll be at Maria's once I'm back in LA; just until I sort something out."

"Thanks, Shan. I'll miss you, y'know. You be careful, huh?"

"You know I will. And you tell Jack that if he hurts you in any way… I'll finish the job Juliet started."

"What?" Boone asked, confused.

"Cut off his balls."

Boone couldn't help his laughter. She could really be protective when she tried. And he wasn't in any doubt that she was capable of what she'd suggested, either.

~//~//~


	11. Sayid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This time, Sayid gets under Jack's skin, and Sawyer is still in denial.

_Sittin' up there at the top of the charts, lookin' like Mr. Cool  
You take all the money, steal their hearts, they'll come runnin' to you  
Your fame and your fortune, look what it brought you  
All your fame and your fortune, you better take a look around  
With your fame and your fortune, careful who you talk to  
Or the fame and your fortune, watch it all tumble down_

'Fame and Fortune' Bad Company

Claire and Penny, who were travelling with them on the bus, would barely leave Sayid alone, although they didn't ask anything directly about his 'relationship' with Sawyer. Clearly, they were at least suspicious that it existed, as the looks they kept directing at him and Sawyer indicated some speculation, if not actual knowledge.

Sayid was not unaware of Penny's interest in Boone and other men she suspected of being gay, but until now, he had managed to avoid her attentions as she presumably thought he was straight. How they had heard about Sawyer and him, he wasn't sure – unless Charlie had suggested something after he witnessed the scene backstage yesterday – as Sayid didn't think they'd been obvious, but perhaps someone had seen them going to his room.

What intrigued him more was how everyone had failed to pick up on what was happening between Boone and Jack. When the two of them had appeared by the bus, with Sawyer immediately on their heels, it had seemed clear to Sayid that there was something happening with them, and as the altercation with Sawyer progressed, he became convinced he was right.

Evidently, the women were far too obsessed with the idea of Sayid and Sawyer to even notice, and he immediately discounted Charlie – despite what he'd seen before – and Desmond as being far too unobservant to notice something like this.

But Jack… well, from Sayid's observations and the man's clear denials of any homosexual inclinations, it was a little surprising to see he'd jumped the fence rather quickly, or else Sawyer didn't fascinate him as much as Sayid had surmised. Perhaps it had been Boone he was interested in after all when Sawyer had stirred him up by taking the boy to bed.

Intrigued by the whole situation, and what Sawyer had admitted about him and Jack jerking each other off that one time long ago, Sayid was determined that he would find out what was going on, one way or another.

After Penny and Claire finally allowed him to be alone, smiling and whispering to each other as they made their way forward to rejoin their boyfriends, Sayid glanced about to see what the others were doing.

Sawyer, of course, was ignoring Sayid, laughing and joking with Charlie and Desmond near the driver. Jack was chatting with the sound engineer, Miles, and one of the roadies, Frank, who were travelling with them today as relief drivers, since the bus had a twelve hour journey to make and they were only stopping for a couple of short breaks during the day. That way they should be in Reno by midnight at the latest.

Sayid wasn't surprised by Sawyer's attitude after the past few days. He would screw anything he could get away with, seemingly uncaring of who knew when he ended up in another man's bed of an evening, but come the morning light he'd deny it for all he was worth.

After last night, Sayid had no doubts about Sawyer's need for male company, but he could appreciate the pains the man went to so that people would think he was a full-blooded heterosexual. The image of the band was rather more important to Sawyer than his casual attitude would imply; Sayid had worked that out by now. And the image he wanted the band to have was not one that most American fans would label them with if they knew the lead singer had distinct leanings towards his own sex.

Why Sawyer wouldn't admit things to his band-mates and close associates Sayid was less sure of, although he supposed the fewer people who knew, the less it was likely to be leaked to the wider public. Perhaps it was the fact that he had now been with Sayid twice, just as he'd been with Boone on several occasions, yet had rarely screwed any woman more than once. Maybe he didn't want them to think he preferred men over women . But did the multiple sessions with the same men imply he was more inclined towards them than women in the end?

Perhaps he was just avoiding emotional dramas with the women, and felt such things were less likely with men, as Sayid had generally found in his own relationships. With men, it was usually about pleasure, and emotions came later, if at all; whereas women tended to want the emotional interest up front if they could get it. In this business, women would often snare unsuspecting men with the sex, but this could be heavily paid for immediately afterwards. But if it was only about pleasure, was that a reason not to admit to his male conquests?

Sayid had been sleeping with women since joining the band, mainly because it seemed easier than looking for like-minded men here, but he was always cool from the start, hoping the women got the clear message he gave that there was no guarantee of anything beyond mutual sexual satisfaction. Of course, as he was learning – Shannon being the one of note – even being this upfront didn't always work.

He really had no interest in forming a relationship with anyone, even with what had happened with Sawyer. He enjoyed being a free agent, and casual sex when he felt the need suited him far more than having someone around all the time. He knew he'd been interested in Sawyer from the moment he met him – the sexy confidence the man exuded and his beauty were enough to ensure this – but Sayid hadn't wanted much more than to bed him.

He told himself that the fact that they'd slept together twice didn't mean anything. Sawyer was simply attractive and convenient, and good in bed; that was enough. In fact, his cool disregard of Sayid this morning was a good thing. It implied there would be no emotion clouding every interaction, even if there had been a little of that yesterday.

Reflecting on the scene yesterday with Boone, Sayid wasn't sure why he'd been so annoyed at seeing Sawyer with the pretty groupie. The situation had been quite out of character for him, and really, he shouldn't have allowed himself to lose his cool that way. After what Boone had said then – and perhaps it was him who had implied to Penny and Claire that Sayid and Sawyer were 'involved', now he thought about it – and the incident this morning, he doubted he would even have anything to be annoyed about on the matter any longer, in any case.

Stretching and yawning, Sayid was just beginning to think it was a good time to settle down for a nap, when Jack looked up at him and lifted an eyebrow as if to ask would he mind if Jack joined him. Curious about what the man wanted, Sayid nodded, and waited for Jack to move over to a seat nearby.

"You were great on stage last night, Sayid," Jack complimented, scratching his nose as he sat down. "The band's finally getting really tight. And the way the crowd responded to the new song… well, we have nearly enough material for the new album now. I was hoping you might do a song or two. Sawyer says you write some and it's really good. The one you played for us last week - if that's any indication, well, I'd like to hear more."

Lifting his eyebrows in surprise, Sayid tried to work out when Sawyer would have had time to discuss such a thing with Jack. An uncomfortable feeling behind his eyes made Sayid frown. He wasn't sure he liked the idea of Sawyer being alone with Jack. Blinking away the image of the two of them touching each other, he reminded himself mentally that it didn't matter to him if Jack and Sawyer _did_ give each other hand-jobs on the sly whenever they wanted.

"I have written a few, but… to be honest with you, Jack, I didn't think you'd be interested."

"Why not?" Jack appeared bemused.

Sayid wasn't sure that his musical efforts would be appreciated, but he hadn't expected amusement at his hesitance to put his own work forward.

"You and Sawyer write most of the songs; Charlie barely gets a look in, from my understanding. I'm not sure why you'd want anything of mine over his when you haven't heard many of them. I thought you were the musical genius, not Sawyer." He lifted a brow in query.

Jack huffed and shook his head lightly. "Someone's been over-stating my abilities. Sawyer has as much say in what goes on the album as I do. He often has a better ear for what will work, believe it or not." He turned to look at Sawyer where he was grinning at something Desmond was saying. Jack shook his head and then turned back to Sayid, his expression curious.

"Is it true? About you and him?" Jack appeared embarrassed, but not enough to stop him raising the question.

"Why? Do you care?" Sayid asked instead of answering, leaning further back against the seat and half-closing his eyes, giving a sultry look towards Sawyer before gazing back at Jack.

"No, I don't care," Jack replied, looking even more flustered. "Just… it seems so unlikely. I mean… shit, what do I know? If you two want to get it on half a dozen times a day, it doesn't matter to me unless it stops the band performing. I'm just… well, everyone else was curious and no-one's brave enough to ask."

"For a man who just found his own boy to fuck, you seem rather embarrassed about the whole thing," Sayid said quietly.

Jack's eyes locked with Sayid's, his cheeks pinking up and his brow furrowing angrily. He looked incredible when he was worked up this way, Sayid thought, wondering why he'd never noticed how attractive Jack was before.

"What the fuck does that mean?" Jack growled lowly.

"Oh, come now, Jack. Are you seriously going to deny that Boone was in your bed last night?"

Jack swallowed tightly, looking away, and then fixed Sayid with a serious glare as he asked, "How do you know that?"

Sayid laughed softly, amused that he had so easily rattled the man. "I didn't until now, not for sure. But seeing the way you protected him from Sawyer this morning – considering how little you normally have to do with him – was a fairly good indication there was something going on between you. That and the fact that he came out of the hotel not five minutes after you, and you both looked as if you'd just stepped out of the shower."

"Sawyer was right behind him; he could have been with… oh. Fuck, it is true then."

Neither denying nor confirming, Sayid just continued to smile at Jack's discomfort. Jack sighed heavily and scrubbed a hand through his hair, offering an unsure look at Sayid.

"How does Juliet feel about your little… dalliance?" Sayid couldn't resist asking.

Jack blinked, and then answered angrily, voice lowered as he leaned forward, "Are you threatening to tell her? Because if that's your game, Sayid, you're wasting your time. She dumped me a couple of days ago. She's marrying some guy she's been screwing back in Montana."

"You didn't waste any time, did you?" Sayid grinned, enjoying the exchange.

He looked up to see Sawyer's green eyes studying him with curiosity and something akin to annoyance. He merely smiled back casually and turned back to Jack's indignant look.

"What's it to you if I didn't?" Jack was saying.

"Nothing," Sayid answered nonchalantly, shrugging like it was simply a throwaway comment. Jack was certainly easy to wind up; no wonder Sawyer played with him so much. And now he could see the attraction it was obvious why Sawyer was so drawn to him, although if it were true they'd only fooled around once, Sawyer had more self-control than he'd thought.

"Just don't say anything to any of them, please," Jack hissed, his flush returning.

"If you're no longer seeing Juliet, what does it matter?"

"You see what they're like… there's no damned privacy around here. I don't want them discussing my personal business."

Sayid lifted an eyebrow."And yet you're happy enough to discuss mine… or Sawyer's?"

At least Jack had the decency to look uncomfortable. He shook his head, and then nodded, looking totally confused as he scratched at his head, and kept his eyes focused away from Sayid.

"It's not like you've actually told me anything," he finally managed, lifting his eyes again and staring straight into Sayid's eyes.

"How much did you want to know?" Sayid asked, letting his tongue play delicately with his lip for a moment and noting the way Jack's eyes followed it for a second before he snapped them back to meet Sayid's. "What turns Sawyer on? Whether he sucked my cock, or let me fuck him? Would you tell me what you and Boone did?"

"Shit, Sayid… there's no need to be crude. I'm not interested in that," Jack growled, his cheeks reddening further, "and I'm not telling you anything about Boone."

Sayid laughed, delighted at Jack's reactions to the whole conversation. "Why ever not, Jack? Most men like to exchange a few graphic details. For instance, did you know that Sawyer-"

"Just shut the fuck up," Jack interrupted, his face like thunder.

He got up and walked unsteadily away down the bus, the others looking at him in surprise as he moved. Sayid quirked a lip in satisfaction as Jack threw himself down in another seat alone and offered one last glare back towards him before turning stiffly to stare out the window. His posture did not invite company.

Sawyer lifted an eyebrow at Sayid, querying, and Sayid smiled knowingly; almost hoping the man would come and ask him what he'd said to Jack. Sawyer offered Jack a thoughtful look, and then turned to say something to Desmond.

Sayid sighed, stretching his legs out, and wondered whether Jack would still be interested in his music. Mind you, he and Sawyer fought all the time, but it certainly didn't stop them from writing songs together. It might be different, however, if it was something Sayid had worked on alone. He was just wondering whether Sawyer would consider collaborating with him when the man in question plonked himself unceremoniously in the seat opposite Sayid, sniffing thoughtfully as he relaxed into the seat cushions.

"What did ya say to get him so riled?" Sawyer drawled, his dimples beginning to show as he gazed lazily out from under his lashes at Sayid.

He had to know what effect he had on people; the casual pose was far too sexy for words. Sayid let his eyes run over Sawyer's body: the half-open shirt, the smooth skin, the tight jeans across his crotch, and even the long-fingered, beautiful hands.

"No worse than you do most nights, I imagine," Sayid offered once he'd finished his inspection.

Sawyer slowly licked his lips, returning the scrutiny, as if he'd jump Sayid's bones the first opportunity he got.

"What, threatening to sleep with Boone? Or discussing me?"

Huffing lightly, Sayid ignored the egotistical question and replied, "Boone's not really my type, although…" He paused, wanting to see what reaction Sawyer would give. "He's pretty enough to pretend he's a girl. Is that what you did? Do you think Jack does?"

Sawyer threw a look over his shoulder at Jack, who was still hunched near a window like he could disappear if he stayed still. "He's not interested in Boone. And yeah… guess I did, some of the time, at least." He focused back on Sayid, and then frowned at the look he met. "He's not fooling around with the kid, is he? Jack's _straight_. He's been fucking Juliet for at least a couple of years. I expect wedding invitations to be issued any time."

"Oh, really?" Sayid inquired, lifting his eyebrows and smiling inscrutably.

"What did he say?" Sawyer asked, clearly stunned.

"He and Juliet broke up. Last night, he found out he is interested in Boone after all."

"Shit! You're kidding me? Jack? No way!"

Sawyer turned again, his eyes seeking Jack, who must have heard his name, as he was now glaring angrily towards Sayid and Sawyer. Before Sawyer could turn back, Jack stood up, stomping angrily in their direction. Sawyer pulled back in his seat, looking almost frightened of the fury evident on Jack's face.

Unable to hide his pleasure, Sayid flicked a look down the bus where everyone else was now staring their way in various open-mouthed states. If Jack truly wanted to keep his relationship with Boone, and/or his homosexual leanings under wraps, this really wasn't the way to go about it.

Jack noticed Sayid's look and stopped to turn towards the others, obviously schooling his face.

"It's all right," he advised them, "I'm not about to hit anyone. Just… take it easy. No big deal, just a difference of opinion over… songs for the next album. We'll work it out."

"If you're talking about which songs to put on the album, shouldn't I be in on the discussion?" Charlie piped up, looking innocent. "I have a couple I'd like included."

"No!" Jack practically yelled, then brushed a hand over his head, shaking it before continuing, a placating hand out towards the bass player. "No, I'm sorry, Charlie, not for this discussion. Your songs are fine; I don't have any issues with them, but there's something Sayid's been working on… Sawyer and I need to talk to him about it alone, okay? I'll let you know if we need your help."

His voice sounded strained as he turned again, his brow furrowing as he made his way down the bus to sit gingerly in the free seat next to Sawyer.

Charlie whispered something to Claire and she giggled, holding her hand to her mouth and then leaned over to repeat whatever it was to Penny and Desmond, going by the laughter on their faces.

"So, Jack, you naughty, naughty boy," Sawyer began, his dimples increasing as he turned to his band-mate. "Sayid tells me you discovered your inner woman."

"Fuck off, Sawyer," Jack muttered and turned to Sayid. "I asked you not to say anything. I suppose I should have known you couldn't resist telling your _boyfriend_. It'll be all over the show before nightfall now. Thanks so much for your discretion. You two deserve each other; you really do. Assholes."

"Hey, wait a minute." Sawyer frowned, pulling Jack back as he tried to stand up. "He's not my _boyfriend._ And what do you expect? You fuck Boone, everyone's gonna be interested after the way he pines over you."

"Not your…? And what exactly did you two do last night?" He gestured angrily down the bus. " _They_ all think you're screwing, and Sayid more or less confirmed it just now. What I did or didn't do with Boone is no more your business than who screws who in your relationship is mine. Why can't we just keep it to ourselves? Do you really want them all to know?"

Jack looked incredibly pissed off now, like the fury from before was a mere puddle and this new emotion an ocean.

"There's nothing going on with me and Sayid," Sawyer lied, shifting uncomfortably and frowning at Jack.

"Oh, like there was nothing in you fucking Boone?" Jack threw at him.

Sayid kept quiet, intrigued as to which of them would end the argument and how.

"Boone… okay, so I screwed him, but I don't want the whole world to know. I couldn't exactly admit that in a room full of people. Do you realise how quickly that would get leaked to the press? Can you imagine how seriously the music industry or the fans would take us if that got out? Jack, neither one of us wants that kind of publicity."

"Yes, so you can see why I'm not about to announce my interest in him either, right?"

"Well… yeah, but what difference does it make if the band knows or not?" Sawyer looked completely lost, like he wasn't doing the same thing about his involvement with Sayid.

Jack laughed wryly. "And you're not admitting to anyone that you're sleeping with Sayid because…?"

Sawyer scowled and glanced behind him. "Don't wanna give them the satisfaction. Fuck, Jack, who I screw is no-one's business."

Jack huffed another laugh, "And who I sleep with is? You're unbelievable, sometimes."

"Yeah, I've been told that," Sawyer smirked.

Jack just shook his head and rolled his eyes. Sayid could see why they butted heads so often. Jack had no patience with Sawyer's sense of humour, and Sawyer was blind to his own failings.

"So, last night with Sayid was a one off?" Jack finally asked.

"Yeah," Sawyer said flatly, looking out the window, avoiding the gaze of both men now trained on him.

Jack's eyes shifted to Sayid and he lifted an eyebrow. Sayid, amused at the stand-off, but slightly annoyed by Sawyer's lie, tried to keep the amusement at the surface and merely smiled at Jack as if what Sawyer had said could be true - or not.

Jack studied him a little longer while Sawyer continued to stare out of the window, then Jack narrowed his eyes and huffed, saying nothing as he stood up and wandered towards the others.

"Why do you care what Jack thinks about us?" Sayid asked.

"I don't," Sawyer replied, finally allowing his gaze to drift back towards Sayid's face.

"You have a funny way of showing it."

"I just don't happen to want this..." He gestured vaguely between them. "...to become like some kind of... public gossip subject. So we fucked; so what? We both go with girls too, and chances are..." He paused again, studying Sayid's expression almost warily. "…we'll both be with a woman again next time, right?"

Sayid felt a hot surge of anger at the thought, but if Sawyer was going to treat this casually, there was no way he was going to imply it meant anything to him. He definitely didn't need to be 'involved' with anyone right now. Sawyer was a good fuck, but he was right; there were plenty of women about for each of them to take advantage of.

"That's right," he agreed, "and perhaps we can leave the subject alone for now, hmm? It's become less than interesting suddenly."

"With you on that," Sawyer agreed, his eyes turning steely. "You got a cigarette?"

"I don't smoke."

"No, that figures," Sawyer said, rolling his eyes as he stood up, then he stomped back up the aisle, leaning over towards Desmond to ask something. Desmond quickly found a cigarette to offer him.

Unable to take his eyes off Sawyer, Sayid felt his anger rise. The man might be gorgeous and a good lay, but Sayid wasn't about to go to bed with the arrogant lying bastard ever again.

~//~//~


	12. Charlie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the tour bus makes a stop for lunch on the way to Reno, something unexpected happens that has Charlie wondering what the hell is going on.

_You better watch your step, I mean it  
You're just running out of time  
You got a nasty streak, and I've seen it  
But it ain't nothing next to mine  
Too bad you made me mad, and now you know it  
You'll see, you know me, I can't wait to show it_

'Here Comes Trouble' Bad Company

The entertainment on the bus consisted of a few rounds of cards, smoking cigarettes and drinking beer, and watching the antics between Sawyer, Jack and Sayid for the most part. They were hilarious, although the tension in the air for most of the trip was getting a bit much to handle. Neither Charlie nor Desmond were sure if they should speak to any of them, although Sawyer had been brave enough to sit in on the cards for a while, so they managed some trivialities with him, not daring to mention sex or the new album for fear of getting their heads bitten off.

Sayid and Jack both kept pretty much to themselves at different places on the bus, although Miles, their sound engineer, was clearly oblivious to the whole thing, as he approached Jack at one point and was clearly surprised to be growled at so threateningly. Charlie couldn't help but laugh at the way he backed off so quickly, acting like Jack was some kind of wild animal he should never have gone near. Miles kept flicking odd looks towards Jack after that, like he was scared the animal might just attack.

They stopped in some out of the way town about halfway between Portland and Reno for lunch; some place Charlie hadn't even bothered to take note of the name of, not that he worried about such things most of the time anyway.

They all left the bus with relief, making their way into the closest diner and setting the staff into a spin to get them food. The place seemed dead apart from them, and typically, Sawyer immediately started chatting up one of the two waitresses, the other having scurried out back to get their order filled.

Desmond rolled his eyes at Charlie and flicked his eyebrows in Sayid's direction. The guitarist was doing his best to look nonchalant, but even Charlie could see there was still plenty of tension there. Presumably, he was none too happy to see his 'boyfriend' warming up the other side of his personality. Charlie stole a look at Jack, who was scowling at Sawyer, although he was at least sitting with everyone.

"Where's Ben?" Charlie suddenly remembered he hadn't seen their manager this morning, and he certainly wasn't on the bus.

"He went on ahead last night," Jack informed them. It was the first civil thing he'd managed to say. "He told me after the show he was heading straight out. Needed to see the promoter about the billing or something. Said it was nothing to worry about, though."

He shrugged, like it was no big deal, and went back to studying Sawyer and the waitress.

"Give it a rest for once, can't you?" he said after a minute, rather more loudly than necessary.

Sawyer stopped speaking and turned slowly around to give Jack a curious look.

"You talking to me?" He eyed Jack suspiciously. "'Cause I happen to enjoy talking to fans. Maybe you should do it a little bit more; get down off that high horse of yours and thank the people who count."

"Talking?" Jack huffed with a distinct lack of amusement. "The only thing you're interested in is talking your way into their pants!"

The waitress looked uneasy at this and backed up a step. Sawyer swung around to face her, trying for a reassuring smile.

"Hey, baby, it's okay. He's just in a mood 'cause his boyfriend didn't come on the bus with us. I ain't trying anything here; just wanted to talk."

Jack exploded, leaping up from his seat and dragging Sawyer across the table, scattering cutlery and assorted condiments across the floor and over everyone. The waitress screamed and ran out the back, while everyone else pushed out of the booths and tried to drag Jack off Sawyer.

Jack had already got in a couple of good punches by the time Frank got hold of him, and Sawyer finally got his act together enough to start swinging back, but Sayid and Desmond held onto him too tightly for his fists to connect. Charlie and the others were hovering at the edges as the two men traded insults, and then suddenly, Jack stopped fighting Frank's hold and grit his teeth, giving Sawyer one of the most evil glares Charlie had ever seen.

"Let me go, Frank. He's not fucking worth it," Jack spat at last, throwing off Frank's arm and stalking out the door.

Sawyer, surly and bruised, struggled for a moment longer, and then straightened up as Des and Sayid finally let him go. He gave the door a powerful glower as he rubbed his jaw.

"Did you see that? Bastard damn-near knocked my teeth out. And I'll probably have a black eye too. Asshole."

The manager of the diner had appeared and stood in front of the group; the frightened waitress half hidden behind him.

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave," the man said with some authority. "We don't allow fighting in the establishment. You've frightened my staff enough and I won't tolerate it."

_Fuck!_

Some of the group started grumbling and gathering their things, but to his credit, Sawyer sprang to the foreground and spoke up.

"I apologise on behalf of the whole group, sir," he said apologetically, looking slightly uncomfortable. "I'm afraid I insulted my friend one too many times this morning and he lost his cool. He's left now, and if you insist, I'll go too, but it really wasn't anyone else's fault, and in fact, some of these gentlemen stopped it from getting any worse. We don't aim to cause trouble, and we're willing to pay for the damage, sir. Please, just let them stay and eat. We've been on a bus for almost six hours straight, and we've got about that yet to do again before we're done today."

The manager faltered, looking first at Sawyer and then glancing around their motley group. Charlie thought he was going to say no for a moment, but he gave the girl behind him a look and then turned back to Sawyer.

"The man who caused the problem has left, and if you personally assure me there will be no repeat performance, then I guess I can allow your group to stay." He took in the mess around the table, and Charlie felt a sense of relief as it was clear nothing had been broken in the melee. "Nothing appears to be badly damaged so there's nothing to pay for except the clean-up and a little spilled ketchup, but I would expect my waitresses to receive a decent tip."

"Thank you. Thank you, sir. We really appreciate it," Sawyer smiled with obvious relief.

With a last nod at the waitress, the manager left the room, and the waitress went to find a broom. Sawyer and the others began picking up the dropped items, and within minutes, the tables were cleaned and they were re-seated.

Charlie was amazed at how deferential Sawyer had become to the manager, and had to admit he was slightly impressed. It could so easily have ended up with them all looking for another place to eat, and in this one-horse town he wasn't sure they'd find anything so easily.

He grinned at Sawyer and asked, "Where'd you learn how to shift from fighting to arse-licking so quickly?"

Sawyer gave him a proudly dimpled grin, and replied, "My mama taught me never push your luck with people who provide your food, or you may not eat again."

The others laughed, and then it was back to normal - or as normal as things ever got around here. Charlie wondered for a moment if someone should go look for Jack, but in the end he figured the man was grown-up enough to look after himself, and it wasn't as if he didn't spend a fair amount of time away from the band anyway.

About an hour later, they were all clambering back on the bus when Jack showed up. To Charlie's surprise, Sawyer took Jack's arm and led him away from the group as they boarded. Even more surprising was the fact that Jack didn't resist either his band-mate's touch or the desire to talk away from the others. Inside the bus, Charlie could see from the way Sayid found himself a seat halfway down the interior and watched the pair out the window that he wasn't too happy about the situation.

Everyone else pretended to ignore the two of them, but Charlie knew they were all waiting with bated breath to see what transpired. The tension had been bad enough before, but if they didn't come to some understanding now, the rest of the trip was likely to be even worse. It wasn't that they hadn't been on uneasy terms before, but usually it only extended to foul looks and not talking to each other; they'd never actually come to blows before.

What had Sawyer meant by the crack that set Jack off? _His boyfriend didn't come on the bus._ Was he talking about Boone, who never came on the bus, anyway, and if so, why was that suddenly something worth hitting Sawyer for? He was always making cracks about Boone's interest in Jack; that was nothing new.

Outside, Jack was leaning against a wall and Sawyer was in front of him – close but not touching – one arm against the wall beside Jack supporting his own weight. The body language was more than confusing, and Charlie narrowed his eyes, trying to work out what was different today. Sawyer put a hand on Jack's arm then, and Jack, eyes downcast, shook his head and said something as if he was having difficulty with the words.

Charlie couldn't see Sawyer's face, so he had no idea what the man was saying to Jack, but he'd obviously forgiven being hit, going by his manner. As Charlie watched, Sawyer took his hands back, straightening up, and clearly said something else to Jack. Lifting his eyes, Jack gave Sawyer a pained look; one Charlie could almost have sworn implied he was the one sleeping with Sawyer. To his surprise, Sawyer lifted a hand, patted Jack's cheek lightly, and turned back towards the bus.

Sawyer's expression was hard to read, but he certainly didn't look angry, and Jack watched him sadly as Sawyer climbed on the bus, plastering on his usual easy grin as he caught sight of the group inside and flicking his hair out of his eyes as he offered a joke to the girls.

"Sorry ladies, no kisses today, but at least we made up."

"Awww," Penny offered and Sawyer laughed lightly as he sat down next to her and started chatting about the last time he'd been to Reno, like this morning's fight had never happened.

Charlie watched Jack board the bus, exchanging a look with Des as the man ignored everyone and made his way to a seat near the back, pausing momentarily and exchanging a look with Sayid as he passed. The look on Sayid's face was anything but friendly, and Charlie turned back to Des with a raised eyebrow.

"What d'ya reckon that's all about? Jack's never hit him before and he's made plenty of smart-arse comments about Boone before."

"Fucked if I know, mate," Des replied, shrugging his shoulders. "If I didn't know better, I'd think Jack's jealous of Sayid and Sawyer. You don't think they ever…?"

Charlie scoffed, "Nah, don't be silly! Jack's not queer. He and Sawyer have always fought. Maybe Sawyer's trying to get his boyfriend in on more of the creative stuff and Jack's not happy about it? They've always written all the songs - you know how hard it is for me to get them to take my stuff seriously."

"Yeah, but your stuff's crap!" Des grinned cheekily.

"Oi! Don't you be maligning my talent!" Charlie growled, although he knew Des was only joking.

"What talent? If it weren't for me, you'd still be playing the ukulele in Manchester pubs and dancing like a monkey for tips!"

"Fuck you, ya Scottish bastard," Charlie complained and wrapped Des in a stranglehold, grinning and laughing the whole time so no-one would think he'd lost it too. Des went along with the joke, scuffling and laughing too. What else could they do?

~//~//~


	13. Boone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boone hurries to catch up with the band in Reno.

  
_How long have I been waiting on love  
Now that I've found you, I can't get enough  
How long have I been waiting on love  
I've been waiting for somebody like you_   


'Waiting on Love' Bad Company

Boone had driven all day, stopping only twice for quick breaks, and hadn't seen the tour bus at all, so he wasn't even sure if he'd taken the same route in the end. By the time he finally pulled into the hotel the band was staying in, it was close to midnight, and he was ready to collapse. He couldn't immediately see the bus, but a sign indicated there was more parking at the rear. He slotted his own car into a space at the side of the building and stretched as he got out of the car.

He couldn't wait to spend another night with Jack. It was so different to most nights on tour so far, when he'd either been kicked out of Sawyer's bed immediately after sex, or had gone back to the motel alone straight after the backstage party died down. His smile grew as he thought about seeing Jack again, and he almost had to pinch himself to believe it was real.

Feeling a little nervous as he approached the front desk, Boone gazed around, hoping he wasn't going to run into anyone – other than Jack – from the band. The receptionist beamed at him kindly when he told her his name and asked for Jack's room. She gave him the spare key without a fuss, advising him he could go straight up. He shook his head when she offered to get someone to help him with his bags and thanked her for the offer. Immediately relaxing at the fact that Jack had thought to leave a key for him, he almost tripped over the band's manager as he turned to move away from the desk.

"Sorry." Boone blushed hotly as he hoisted his bag back up his shoulder and made to go around Ben.

"Boone. What a pleasant surprise." Ben's grin was distinctly smarmy. "Gone up in the world, have you? And where's your delightful sister?"

Boone smiled uneasily and tried to ignore the sarcastic tone of the first question. "She decided to go back to LA. But I'm here for the duration. Just… checking on whether you'd all arrived safely."

He smiled again and tried not to let his nervousness show. He wasn't sure if Jack would have told Ben about Boone staying here with him, and Boone didn't want to make things difficult for his lover, so it was better not to give anything away.

"I got in this morning, but the boys have only just arrived. Think they'll be in their rooms by now. You're staying here? Not a motel?" Ben managed to make the word 'motel' sound as cheap and tacky as they usually were.

"Uh…" Boone hesitated, unable to hide the fact that he quite clearly had a hotel room key in his hand. "Yeah. Thought I'd splash out for once."

"Funny, I could have sworn Jack has room number 408." Ben looked first at the tag on the room key and then lifted his eyes ominously to meet Boone's anxious gaze. "I must be mistaken. The band members are all on the fourth floor and the room numbers are all so similar."

Boone's heart thudded painfully in his chest as he held Ben's look with difficulty. He wasn't sure why the man made him so uncomfortable, nor what Ben stood to gain from causing trouble for him, but he got the distinct impression that Ben _knew_ he wasn't mistaken and that he was not in the least bit impressed with the thought of Boone going to Jack's room. He hadn't seemed to care when Boone was sleeping with Sawyer, and Boone knew damned well the man had seen them together on more than one occasion. Why this was different he didn't know, but he wasn't about to test it.

"Yeah, well… easy mistake," he finally said and smiled with difficulty. "I'm pretty tired; I'm just gonna go up… go straight to bed and get some rest. See you, Ben."

He stepped away from Ben and headed for the elevator, his heart doing a fine impression of bongo drums.

As Boone glanced back, Ben turned to watch, his smile coolly evil, like he knew exactly what Boone would be doing upstairs. A slice of fear ran through Boone as he entered the elevator and he had a very weird feeling that Ben wasn't going to let his relationship with Jack develop without incident.

~//~

"Boone!" Jack grinned happily, giving a quick glance out into the hallway before drawing him into the room.

Not even waiting for him to speak, Jack shut the door quickly and pulled Boone into his arms, holding him tight and kissing him firmly. Boone melted into the embrace, still incredulous of Jack's interest in him, even after last night and this morning's activities. He determined to forget about Ben and what had happened downstairs, which wasn't hard with Jack wrapped around him.

"I was worried about you," Jack said when they parted enough for breath. "Was the trip okay? It's a long journey alone."

"I'm okay, Jack. I'm used to driving long days." He shrugged. "Been following you guys long enough. But it was better today, knowing I'd be with you at the end of it."

Jack smiled softly and kissed him again, drawing Boone's body nearer and allowing the kiss to deepen. It was sublime to be allowed to touch the man so easily, and Boone couldn't help how quickly he responded to Jack's touches, despite his tiredness. Evidently, Jack felt the same, as Boone could already feel his hardness pressing into him. All he wanted was to strip the man naked and swallow him whole, right now.

It didn't seem like Jack had any objections; he pushed Boone away gently in order to undo his shirt buttons, while Boone reached for Jack's belt-buckle.

"God, I want you," Jack murmured, running his hands inside Boone's shirt and pushing him towards the bed.

"Sit down?" Boone asked before Jack could get him onto the bed. "Let me undress you?"

Jack smiled curiously, but sat down to look back up him, his eyes glittering with desire.

"Or I could…" Boone teased, sliding his open shirt off his arms before reaching to unsnap his jeans, "…undress myself first."

The smile on Jack's face grew as Boone slid the jeans off his hips, and he shifted on the bed like he couldn't wait. Boone lifted a foot and pulled his boot off, then repeated the manoeuvre with the other foot before finishing the removal of his pants, dropping them and his underwear over his shoulder as he grinned at Jack and spread his arms invitingly.

"Like what you see?"

"Definitely." Jack nodded, licking his lips. "Come here."

He pulled his t-shirt off over his head rapidly and spread his legs as Boone moved between them. Jack took Boone's hips in warm hands and rubbed his thumbs over the bones there, before offering a lust-filled look upwards. Despite the proximity of Jack's face to his already hardening cock, Boone kneeled down and leaned in to deliver another tongue-tangling kiss, his arms around Jack's neck. Jack moaned into the kiss, hands sliding up and down Boone's back, and then grabbed his ass.

"Mmm, Jack?" Boone asked, pulling back at last. His body was thrumming now, ready for anything, but most of all he wanted to taste Jack's cock again.

"What?" Jack barely paid attention, his lips seeking soft skin under Boone's ear to kiss and lick at, sending more delicious shivers right through him.

"Need to get your pants off. I want your cock." Boone pushed at Jack until he could shift downwards and get at his fly.

Jack giggled manfully, the sound tickling Boone's ear, but he helped as Boone stripped off his jeans. Immediately the pants were gone, Boone curled his tongue around the object of his desire, causing Jack to moan sexily and tip his head back, eyes closing in pleasure. His fingers threaded through Boone's hair as Boone took the hot flesh in properly, closing his eyes and savouring the incredible taste.

"God!" Jack exclaimed as Boone found a sensitive spot, and his fingers tightened in Boone's hair.

Boone didn't care; Jack could pull his hair out by the root right now and it wouldn't matter. He had what he wanted and he was going to make the most of it. He knew he was good at this; Sawyer had told him often enough.

But he wasn't going to think about Sawyer now.

This was _Jack_ ; the man he'd loved and worshipped and thought about doing this with for years, and now he had free access almost any time he wanted, he was going to make the most of it.

Jack sounded breathless as Boone did his best to show him exactly what he'd been missing all this time. Taking him to the edge and then backing off to extend the pleasure was as much fun as he knew it would be. Again and again he could feel Jack tense up, and he'd pull back just a little; just enough to keep him from going over the edge but still keep things moving.

"Jesus, Boone, just…" Jack's fingers gripped tightly again and his voice sounded weak and faraway, like he would expire any minute.

Twisting his tongue around the satiny feel of Jack's cock one last time, Boone knew he'd pushed it far enough, and this time he suckled harder as he took the length in further, keeping his rhythm steady. Jack grunted hard as his orgasm hit, the spasms wild as he held on tight and Boone swallowed eagerly.

_Delicious._

Jack let go at last, collapsing back onto the bed as Boone licked his way off, and then kissed up his stomach. Tiny shudders went through Jack's body as Boone's mouth moved upwards and he climbed over Jack, pressing his own hardness into the man as he went. He smiled against Jack's slack mouth, kissing softly before lifting up enough to gaze down into the sated man's sex-darkened hazel eyes.

"Fuck," Jack exclaimed faintly, unmoving, as a slow smile formed. "Are you trying to kill me with pleasure?"

"Not kill you, exactly." Boone grinned, stroking a finger around Jack's mouth. "Mostly it's to show you what you could have had a long time ago."

Jack shook his head fractionally and closed his eyes. "I know," he murmured, "I'm sorry."

"Sorry? You don't have to be sorry, Jack. It doesn't matter." Boone kissed the lips under his finger again, a tightness clenching his heart.

Jack, evidently believing actions spoke louder than words, gave in to the kiss, opening his mouth and meeting Boone's tongue with his own, and reached to pull Boone tighter against him. Boone could feel Jack's heart thumping under him, and he squirmed in the man's grip, his cock rubbing against firm muscle.

"Mmm," Jack murmured and rolled them with a swiftness that surprised Boone.

He pressed Boone back against the bed and kissed his face softly, caressing him in ways Sawyer had never bothered. The touches sent warm shivers through him and Boone's cock throbbed with need. Jack shifted downward slowly, his lips and tongue leaving goose bumps of anticipation behind.

When Jack reached his abdomen, he looked back up at Boone almost apologetically. Boone's breathing was erratic with want, and it was with difficulty that he held back from pushing Jack towards his straining cock.

"I'm sorry, I'm… it won't be as good," Jack whispered self-deprecatingly, a slight flush across his features.

A blowjob in the shower like before was one thing, but Boone wasn't sure how eager Jack would be without the water. "Doesn't matter," he assured Jack shakily, "You don't have to, you know. Just… use your hand, or… or… we could wait…" Waiting was the last thing he wanted to do right now, but it seemed like the right thing to offer.

"I want to," Jack said and kissed his belly. "I really want to, don't worry."

"If you're sure."

Jack nodded and shifted again, wrapping soft lips around the head of Boone's cock. A whiny sort of gasp escaped Boone's mouth, and he had to shut his eyes for a second, willing his orgasm away. Jack moved his mouth slowly, his tongue teasing delicately around the ridges of Boone's cock-head, making Boone tremble all over. His fists grasped the bedding and he opened his eyes again to stare into the most loving expression he'd ever seen.

Gulping at the depth of emotion he was seeing, Boone had to look away again, concentrating on the sensations spiralling through his body. Jack, despite his claims of inexperience, was good; as good as he'd been that morning in the shower, and inevitably Boone couldn't hold off for long.

"I'm gonna come," he warned in a rush, sure Jack wouldn't want to swallow.

"Mmph," was all Jack managed through his mouthful, gripping Boone's hips tighter as if to say it was alright. Although Boone squirmed a little longer, he couldn't stop it now, not when Jack's tongue was doing _that_. Letting out a gasp, he shuddered into his climax harshly, fingers twisting in the bedding as Jack swallowed once and then pulled away, come dribbling from his mouth.

"Sorry," Boone whispered, closing his eyes again and subsided back, breathing heavily.

Jack clambered back up to his side, wiping his mouth with his hand, and pecked at Boone's lips. "No apologies. I wanted it; I told you. All of it. I'm not used to it, but it doesn't mean I didn't like it."

He smiled reassuringly as Boone turned flushed features to study the honesty in Jack's eyes. Jack's smile widened lovingly, making Boone's heart flutter all over again. He was so gorgeous, and Boone still couldn't quite believe he was getting all this.

"Sleep now, huh? You must be exhausted," Jack suggested, pulling the blankets around and over both of them.

"I am, but I had to be here with you tonight."

"I'm glad you made it," Jack murmured as he drew Boone close, "and not just for the sex. It was good, but… I… I care about you, Boone. I missed you on the bus today and I need you with me." There was a fierceness in his eyes that Boone didn't quite understand, and he wondered for a moment if something had happened today with Sawyer while they were apart, but he let it go in favour of kissing Jack again. "Please, Boone…I don't want you to drive behind the tour any more. Will you come with us on the bus the rest of the way?"

Boone swallowed, unable to believe what he was hearing. It was as close to announcing their relationship as he could have hoped for. Everyone travelling with them would know something had changed, even if they didn't get the full significance. His car didn't matter; he could abandon it if he had to - it was a cheap hunk of junk anyway.

"I'd love to," Boone replied, snuggling into Jack's chest with happiness, "and thank you, Jack."

Jack turned Boone's face towards his own, a puzzled expression on his face. "Thank you? For what?"

"For everything. A week ago, I never would have imagined this. Two days ago, my heart was breaking and I was ready to leave. But now… I can't imagine anything better. If you hadn't taken a risk, Jack, I'd never have this. Don't wonder why, just accept it. I need to thank you."

The unspoken words were there too; Boone could feel them and he was sure Jack did as well. When he looked at Boone, his eyes were full of it, and there was no denying such deep emotion.

~//~//~


	14. Sayid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sayid decides to stay away from Sawyer and concentrate on his music, but a surprise visit in the midst of writing a song changes things.

_You make it easy, the way you please me  
Every time I'm close to you  
All this temptation, I can't see wrong from right  
It's a new sensation, you know I'm blinded by the light_

'Holy Water' Bad Company

Strumming his acoustic guitar always calmed Sayid, and tonight he needed calming more than he could remember for some time. The bus trip had been much more stressful than any preceding ones on this tour. After the lunch incident with Jack and Sawyer and how _intimately_ they'd been talking before re-boarding, Sayid hadn't felt inclined to be generous to either one of them, and had kept pretty much to himself for the rest of the journey.

The 'magical' relationship they had that produced such amazing songs was clearly much more involved than either one would have the rest of the band believe. The way Sawyer had _touched_ Jack out there, so close to kissing that Sayid had actually held his breath at one point, sure Sawyer was actually going to do exactly that, _and_ that Jack would let him.

It seemed unbelievable that the rest of the band didn't think there was something sexual between them, when to Sayid it was perfectly obvious he'd been lied to. Sawyer wasn't against lying; Sayid knew that well enough, so it wasn't inconceivable he'd lied about his relationship with Jack. And Jack had his reasons for not telling Sayid the truth, so his dishonesty was hardly a surprise either.

Sayid knew he was getting into dangerous territory with Sawyer. The way he felt about whatever was going on between Sawyer and Jack certainly made him aware of that, but he was determined not to let it go any further. He wasn't about to seek Sawyer out; let the man come to him if he wanted sex, which Sayid doubted he would. Sawyer had made it perfectly clear that he'd had his thrills with Sayid and was ready to move on; back to women, of course.

Sayid would do the same; it made the most sense. There were always plenty of available women hanging around, so it wouldn't take much to find someone else to sleep with when he was feeling horny. He just wouldn't let any of them get their hooks into him. One night stands only.

Simple.

And Sawyer could go play with Boone, Jack, or whichever pretty girl groupie he wanted.

Letting the music flow through him, Sayid began humming as the chords fell into place. He had several bars worked out and even the lyrics were starting to form when he stopped to find paper and a pencil. Going back to the song he stopped and started several times, lost in the melody as he scribbled things down.

The knock on the door was sharp and loud, startling him out of his headspace so close to what seemed like finishing the first draft of the music – except for one small part that was escaping him – so that he practically jumped off the bed. Sayid swallowed hard and put down the guitar, heart thumping as he went to open the door.

Sawyer was standing outside, one hand holding him back from the doorjamb as he looked up from under long lashes and regarded Sayid coolly.

Sayid offered his own chilly look back and crossed his arms as Sawyer straightened up nervously, dimples showing as he rocked on the balls of his feet and thrust his hands into his pockets.

"To what do I owe the pleasure?" Sayid finally asked when Sawyer said nothing.

"You got any more of that weed?" Sawyer's expression turned hopeful.

Sayid snorted and gestured for Sawyer to enter, waiting to shut the door when Sawyer had passed him. Sawyer was looking good, as always, in tight jeans and another of his trademark loud shirts with buttons undone halfway down his chest.

"You're more interested in pot than I realised. Becoming addicted?" Sayid asked, moving towards a chair and digging into the pocket of his leather jacket.

"No, not addicted, no," Sawyer said far too casually. "Just... well, it was good stuff."

Sayid turned back around, his pouch in one hand and let a smile curve his lip at one side. He said nothing, but his look clearly said he was fully aware that Sawyer had come to see _him_. Pot, he could get from other sources, Sayid was quite sure.

Taking a hand out of his jeans pocket, Sawyer flicked a nervous look at him and brushed the hair back off his face as he moved towards the bed where Sayid's guitar and notes lay.

"Hey, what's this? You writin' something?" he asked, picking up the notes and studying the page.

"Yes," Sayid admitted; it was pointless to deny it. He stepped up to Sawyer and held out a hand. "It's not ready for public consumption yet though, if you don't mind."

"Am I the public?" Sawyer queried, still scanning the paper. "Hey, this is good. These lyrics... will you play this for me? If I'm guessing right..." He looked up, a look in his eyes that Sayid wasn't sure how to read.

Sayid narrowed his eyes, but nodded, putting the pouch down on the side table and picking up his guitar. Sawyer gestured to the bed and handed him the notes before sitting down in the armchair opposite. He ran a hand through his hair again as he watched Sayid get ready, and Sayid found his heartbeat increasing slightly.

Did Sawyer think the song was about him? _Was_ it about him? It hadn't been a conscious decision on Sayid's part, but now he thought about it, perhaps there were things in the lyrics that could be read that way.

He cleared his throat, and began playing; lowering his eyes from Sawyer's to follow his notes. Sayid had a good enough voice, but it wasn't a patch on Sawyer's, and he knew if the other man were to sing it the song would sound much better. Closing his eyes for a moment as he opened his mouth to sing, Sayid found himself lost in the melody before he'd got through many lines. He reached the chorus, which still needed something – something Sayid couldn't quite put his finger on – and found his voice faltering to a hum.

He hadn't realised Sawyer had moved until the man sat on the bed next to him, humming lightly himself, and Sayid's eyes flicked at him, surprised, as he stopped playing.

"Don't stop," Sawyer instructed softly, shifting closer and looking over Sayid's shoulder to follow the words.

Unsure exactly what was happening, but nodding uneasily before he picked up where he'd left off, Sayid started singing the second verse, and was almost unsurprised when Sawyer's soft voice joined in with his. By the second chorus, Sawyer picked up where Sayid faltered, coming in with lyrics that worked perfectly, but that had simply escaped Sayid.

Heart soaring as they sang on, Sayid finding the words with ease on the second repeat through, he blinked with pride at how well this was working, his voice fading out as he ran into the last few chords, while Sawyer repeated the last two lines softly, changing the inflection subtly and with absolute perfection.

As his guitar stilled, Sayid turned his head towards Sawyer, who was looking at him with such a sense of triumph that it was impossible for Sayid not to smile back at him.

"There's still a few awkward chord-changes," Sayid told him, unable to look away.

"Nothing we can't work out," Sawyer told him, and then they were kissing, Sawyer shifting forward as Sayid pushed the guitar aside.

Despite everything they'd both said, and what Sayid had told himself about Sawyer, he was feeling horny as all hell now and there was no thought involved in getting Sawyer's clothes off, and then struggling out of his own. Sayid somehow had the foresight to get the guitar off the bed and out of their way, but his notes stayed where they were as he pushed Sawyer back against the bed and kissed his way down the man's lean torso.

Sawyer was trembling all over as Sayid's hands caressed every inch of his beautiful body; lips following where he touched. Finally, he engulfed the heated length between the man's legs, twirling his tongue deliciously around the shaft and swallowing him down as deeply as he could. Sawyer had a sweetish taste to him that Sayid couldn't get enough of tonight.

"Whoa, Mohammed…" Sawyer muttered, trying to push him off. "Let me… fuck, I'm gonna go off too soon…"

But Sayid didn't care; he wanted Sawyer's come in his mouth and he was about to get it. Besides, after their previous sessions, he knew Sawyer was more than capable of a quick recovery and second go around. Sawyer whined, tossing his head back and clenching handfuls of bedding as his climax hit.

Swallowing everything Sawyer gave up as he jerked through the orgasm, Sayid looked up at Sawyer's face, pleased that he had made this man come undone so thoroughly. Finally, he licked off the lessening member and clambered back up his body to offer more heated kisses and press his own rigid cock into Sawyer's thigh.

"Fuck, you kill me," Sawyer mumbled between kisses. "You like fucking the dead?"

"You're not dead, Sawyer," Sayid assured him and reached across to find the lube he'd thrown in the drawer earlier for whatever reason he hadn't thought about. "I'm going to show you exactly how alive you are."

Sawyer laughed, getting his meaning, and stroked warm hands over Sayid's body as he moved. His touch was electric and Sayid rocked his hardness into the man's belly in retaliation before shifting downwards once more and pushing Sawyer to turn over.

"Backwards, huh?" Sawyer asked, tossing his hair as he looked over his shoulder.

"I want to appreciate your ass as I fuck it," Sayid offered, running hands over the object in question. There was no doubting it was one of the finest asses Sayid had ever had the pleasure to handle, and he dipped his fingers into the dimples above it, sighing at the perfection of it.

Sawyer buried his head, unable to keep still, and Sayid grinned evilly as he realised he'd just found one of Sawyer's weak spots. He wondered how many other people had been with him enough times to find this out, and tickled the dimples again, causing Sawyer to cry out.

"Fuck, Sayid, no fair," Sawyer managed when he finally stopped. "Just fuckin' do it if you're goin' to."

"Oh, I'm going to all right," Sayid whispered against the skin of Sawyer's fine ass, noting the tremble as he did so. "I'm going to fuck you so hard you'll forget every other man you've ever been with."

Sawyer shivered again, but didn't answer, and Sayid began licking his tailbone, his tongue gradually dipping lower between warm cheeks. Sawyer's body trembled more but he spread his legs, moaning into the pillow as Sayid's tongue moved lower. Finding the pucker at last, Sayid circled his tongue around it, breathing in Sawyer's pure male scent. For some moments he circled delicately, Sawyer's harsh panting the only sounds in the room, then without warning, pushed the tip of his tongue inside. Sawyer's erotic groan at the action sent a spiral of desire right through him, and Sayid knew he couldn't hold out long before he pushed his cock in there.

Keeping his cool, however, Sayid played with the hole a little longer, then shifted back, reclaiming the lube and slicking up his fingers as Sawyer shifted his ass up towards him. Sayid dropped the tube as he slid a wet finger towards the place he'd been licking, and felt underneath for Sawyer's cock with his other hand. As expected, he was hard again, and Sayid wrapped his hand around the firm base as he pushed a finger inside Sawyer's unresisting hole.

Sawyer groaned with the same sexy sound as before, and Sayid slipped in another finger, stretching and circling as Sawyer's hips moved into his actions. Deliberately, Sayid stroked the sweet spot inside and Sawyer cried out, shifting further onto hands and knees and tossing his head.

"Perfect," Sayid whispered, stroking more and smiling as Sawyer reacted by shoving himself further onto the digits inside him.

"Fuck… fuck… fuck me…" Sawyer groaned.

Sayid stroked the hardness between Sawyer's legs as he pressed the spongy button one more time, and abruptly removed his fingers. He found the lube again and quickly slicked up his own desperate cock, placing one hand on quivering warm skin and lining up carefully.

"Ready?" Sayid asked softly, his cock-head pressed against the wet hole.

"Just fuck me!" Sawyer grunted, rocking back in encouragement.

Sayid's smile widened as he obliged, hands shifting to narrow hips as he pressed deeply inside in one fluid motion. Sawyer's groan this time was even more erotic, and Sayid immediately began slamming into him, surprised when Sawyer pushed back with every thrust forward. Sawyer lowered himself somehow, finding the exact place Sayid needed him to be as if by instinct. Sayid curled over him, licking at the sweat on his back and enjoying the feel of Sawyer's buttocks bumping against his belly as they moved. This was heaven. Sawyer was hot and tight and so responsive, like he loved this as much as Sayid loved doing it to him, and why shouldn't he?

It occurred to Sayid that he still believed he was the first to have plundered this gold, no matter what other lies Sawyer had told him.

Sawyer's groans were coming closer together and he managed to ask, "Touch me? Please?"

It wasn't really any hardship for Sayid to do so; his own pleasure was rising fast and with Sawyer pushing back as he was, Sayid didn't need to grip him so tightly. He allowed a hand to curl around the damp length under Sawyer and was rewarded with a harder thrust back onto him, causing his own groan to escape.

There was no way he could stop it now and his orgasm burst forth as he slammed himself forward, Sawyer's cry louder than his own as his hand felt milky warmth jetting out of the prick he held and the muscles inside Sawyer clamped down on him.

Panting with effort, they jerked several more times together before Sayid let go of Sawyer's cock and the man collapsed down under him, Sayid's cock still buried inside. Sayid let his body rest on Sawyer's sweaty back, both of them breathing heavily and hearts beating a drum duet.

"Fuck, Ali, you sure know how to prove your words," Sawyer mumbled, not moving.

"Told you I'd show you," Sayid smirked, and kissed at Sawyer's back before pulling out wetly and slapping his ass as he left the bed in search of something to clean them up.

When he returned from the bathroom, Sawyer was lying on his side, his sweaty body looking delicious in all its sated glory, and holding the notes they'd somehow managed to avoid ripping in their exertions.

"Got to keep these," Sawyer grinned, waving them at Sayid. "We came all over your damned song."

Sayid couldn't help smiling back. " _Our_ song, Sawyer. We have to add those other lyrics you gave me."

The look Sawyer gave him told Sayid more than words would have, and he knew he'd never be able to stop fucking this man now.

"Hey," Sawyer said softly, sitting up and taking the wet towel Sayid offered him in exchange for the notes. "Maybe you could try a G chord on that funny bit, and use the fingering bit from the end in there again?"

"You think that would work?" Sayid asked, grabbing his guitar and sitting on the edge of the bed, unable to resist trying.

Sawyer moved up behind him, his warm chest pressed against Sayid's back, and hands caressing his shoulders as Sayid began playing. Said had never allowed anyone to touch him so closely when he played before, but somehow Sawyer wasn't a hindrance, and the warmth that spread through him as he tried the changes Sawyer had suggested was too good to let go of.

Nodding his head as Sawyer softly began singing in his ear, Sayid realised that Sawyer's ideas were perfect; much better than his original ones. If this was what working with Sawyer was like, it was no wonder Jack couldn't resist him either. A flare of jealousy went through him at the thought, but Sayid refused to let it take hold.

Even if Sawyer had lied to him, and he and Jack were screwing too, what did it matter?

 _This_ was what it was all about: creation, song-writing, and absolutely wonderful sex.

He played the song through one more time, Sawyer singing behind him so softly and so sexily that he almost wanted to fuck him again. Finally, placing the guitar back out of their way, Sayid reached for the pencil and scrawled the musical changes down before handing the pad and pencil to Sawyer.

Sawyer had been leaning over his shoulder, watching as he made the notes and then kissing under his ear before accepting the soiled paper and shifting onto his stomach on the bed to awkwardly scribble the lyrics he'd suggested at the bottom. Sayid moved closer, stroking his hand over Sawyer's ass and along his back muscles as he watched.

Offering Sayid one more smile, Sawyer put the paperwork and pencil onto the side table and turned, pulling Sayid down onto him. The kiss was soft and gentle, Sawyer's lips and tongue damp and eager as their breath mingled.

Sayid wouldn't think on what it was he needed or where this was headed. He would just let things happen, he decided, pulling at the bedding until they were covered. Sleep came easily as he held onto Sawyer, burying his face against smooth skin.

~//~//~


	15. Charlie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie is surprised to see Boone appear on the tour bus, and the band arrive in San Francisco.

_Ooh, you're like a book with a page torn out  
You can turn from a whisper to a shout, ooh yeah  
You come running just as fast as you can  
into the arms of another man_

'No Smoke Without a Fire' Bad Company

The show in Reno had gone amazingly well. Everyone was in top form, and the crowd was on fire. Charlie had thoroughly enjoyed the whole thing, including some amazingly hot sex with Claire afterwards. God knew where she'd learned that thing with her tongue, but fuck!

Climbing on the bus the next day, he was stunned to see Boone and Jack appear together, laughing and giving each other the eye. He thought back to the after-party, but he'd been pretty stoned for much of that, and couldn't say he'd noticed anything going on between them. This morning though, it was evident _something_ was, and before he could nudge Claire to look, they were climbing on the bus.

Naturally, Penny was the first to say something, grinning almost maniacally as she told Boone excitedly, "I _knew_ he'd come to his senses eventually! You two look gorgeous together! Congratulations, love."

Boone had the grace to look embarrassed and his already flushed cheeks deepened in colour. "Thanks, Pen. Just… don't say too much, okay?" He looked back at Jack, who smiled nervously at him, then flicked a glance out the window of the bus at where Sawyer and Sayid were just emerging from the hotel.

"Shit," Jack muttered, frowning, and made his way down the bus to find a seat in a corner. Boone followed him with his eyes, but didn't move.

"Come sit with me and Claire," Penny offered. After hesitating a moment, Boone nodded and took a seat between the two women.

Sawyer looked pretty cool behind his sunglasses as he sauntered up the steps, and Charlie couldn't help wondering how he'd react to Boone's presence. He'd screwed the pretty boy enough, by all accounts. Would Jack taking over there annoy him or give him more ammunition in the 'Jack & Sawyer show'? Mind you, he was with Sayid now… or they'd slept together at least once, anyway. With Sawyer it was impossible to tell how quickly he'd move on.

Sayid, behind him, was much more subdued, although there was something glowing in his eyes that Charlie hadn't seen before. It was funny, really; he'd never imagined the guitarist was into men. He'd been hanging with Boone's sister Shannon for a few weeks, and the only other people Charlie had seen him with until the incident the other day in Portland were girl groupies. But Sawyer oozed sex from every pore; maybe he was a one-off for Sayid? Just a curiosity thing. Who knew?

Charlie huffed, and turned to find a cigarette. Desmond was drumming fingers impatiently against his thighs, and gave Charlie a big grin.

"Brother, this bloody tour's turning out to be the queerest thing I've been on since my uncle gave me 'horsey rides' as a kid."

"You're not bloody kidding, mate," Charlie offered, frowning. "Your uncle? I hope you're not gonna ask to ride my lap next. You think there's something in the water?"

Desmond laughed awkwardly. "Fuck off. The old pervert got caught with his pants down before he managed to get mine off, thankfully. I've had a healthy respect for womanly shapes for way too long to want to swap teams now." He shuddered. "Some things you don't wanna try."

"With you there, brother," Charlie agreed, watching Sawyer's smile falter as he spotted Boone and turned to raise an eyebrow at Sayid.

Interesting. That was a lot less reaction than Charlie might have expected. He chewed his lip, thinking, as Sawyer walked down the bus towards Jack; Sayid close behind. Did they know already?

Boone looked over his shoulder worriedly, and then turned back to nod at something Penny said.

Jack didn't look too pleased as Sawyer descended on him, but whatever they were saying was in words too low for Charlie to hear. Sayid didn't sit with them, and Charlie couldn't see his face to judge how he was taking any of this. Charlie exchanged shrugs with Desmond, and lit up his smoke.

~//~

The bus ride to San Francisco was fairly uneventful in the end, despite Boone's addition to the party. Charlie dozed for a lot of it, but he came to with a jolt when Desmond slapped his back and announced, "We're here, brother. Think the flower children will want to stay?"

The hotel was the usual second-grade one, although a lot nicer than the dives they'd started out in years ago before they'd managed a little success. There were even a few girls hanging around the entrance that Charlie could tell were groupies. This could be interesting…

He grinned as he and Claire stepped off the bus together behind Desmond and Penny. A couple of fans moved forward with pens in hand, and he and Des dutifully signed the papers they were thrusting forward. Behind him, he could sense more than hear Sawyer coming down the steps, and then the gaggle of girls surged past him. Typical. Sawyer was the one they all wanted in the end.

Charlie turned to grin at the easy way Sawyer was already flirting, and as Sayid and Jack stepped out of the bus, Charlie raised an eyebrow at the small group of girls who moved away from Sawyer. Good on them for showing Sawyer he wasn't the only member of this band.

One girl latched onto Sayid like he was spouting the words of the prophet Mohammed, and a couple of them had Jack looking very serious as he explained something to them. But Sawyer still wasn't exactly alone… the greatest number of the girls had stayed with him, and he was grinning and signing autographs and encircling their shoulders for their friends to take photos of them with him just as he always did. Charlie had to admit to himself that Sawyer really did have a way with fans that was hard to equal, no matter what else you said about him.

The rest of the entourage had made their way off the bus by now and Charlie's eyes flicked to Boone, who was standing off to one side chewing his lip as he watched Jack with the fans. They'd all known Boone was in love with Jack, but Charlie had to admit he'd never suspected that Jack would swing that way for him. He frowned as Claire nudged him.

"Wonder what happened with Juliet?" she said. "I really thought she'd all but convinced him to give up the band and move back to Montana with her, you know."

"Who knows?" Charlie couldn't figure any of this out and he was ready to give up worrying about it. It was bad enough that it seemed like half the band was queer (not that it made any difference to the music, of course), but speculating on why was getting old very fast. "Let's just go up to our room, huh? I've had enough of all this."

He looked about for Ben. Their manager was saying something to Boone now, and the kid looked very serious. Charlie didn't think Ben disapproved of having Boone about—he'd been backstage most of the tour so far—but maybe he didn't like how things were heading. The band's reputation would take a battering if all this queer stuff came out, and Ben wouldn't want sales dropping because of some backlash over their lifestyles. In America you could get away with being many things, but queer still wasn't all that big on the list.

The people who bought their records were largely male and straight beer-swigging types, even if the fans who hung out at the hotels and backstage tended to be young women hoping for a screw from the good-looking lead singer. It wouldn't be much of a stretch to imagine that if any gay rumours hit the news then sales would drop, and Ben would definitely _not_ be pleased about that.

Some things could be hidden, like Sawyer having the odd night with Boone, and maybe the whole Sawyer and Sayid thing was so casual as to fade into the background of tour shenanigans, but if Jack and Boone were actually 'dating', he knew there was definite potential for the tabloids to turn it into something ugly.

Ben looked up and saw Charlie watching, and gave him one of his tight smiles before moving over towards him and Claire.

"At least some of you have the right idea," Ben said pointedly, nodding at him and Desmond, who had an arm about Penny's shoulder. "Let's get you checked in before we end up having the street cordoned off."

He ushered them into the lobby and turned to collect the errant rock stars still chatting with fans. He gave Frank some kind of instruction, and then spoke loudly to the fans still milling about. "Ladies and gents, Constant Daze need to get settled in their rooms now. Thank you all for your attention, but we're done with autographs and pictures for now. We have a big night ahead and the boys need some rest before then. Please enjoy the concert. Frank, over here…" He paused to point out the roadie. "…will give you all backstage passes for after tonight's show. Thank you."

With that, he smiled at the other band members and waited until they'd all gone into the hotel lobby, laughing as the girls practically knocked Frank over in their rush to avail themselves of the passes, before going inside himself.

~//~//~


	16. Boone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boone isn't convinced that what he has with Jack is going to last.

_Evil wind passed me by  
Troubled waters, pay me no mind  
I have heard the thunder  
Rolling across the sky_

'Evil Wind' Bad Company

"He doesn't like me," Boone told Jack as they entered their room, moving over to the big double bed and lowering himself to the edge. He picked at a loose thread on the coverlet and studied the floor.

"Who? Ben?" Jack asked, shrugging off his jacket and tossing it onto a chair before coming to sit next to Boone. "Too bad. But then again, perhaps that's a good thing; wouldn't want him thinking he could make a move on you."

He put an arm around Boone and lifted his other hand to tilt Boone's chin so they were looking at each other. Boone frowned sadly even though Jack was smiling at him with a teasing expression. He just didn't understand. Outside the hotel, Ben had told Boone in no uncertain terms that he wasn't to accompany Jack too closely in public; that if anyone got pictures of them together or heard anything dubious about what they got up to, he'd be out on his ear, no matter what Jack told him. There was no way Ben was risking 'his band' to any queer rumours, no matter how true they were.

And to top it off, he'd told Boone not to say anything to Jack about their 'discussion'. Ben had suggested that he'd deny the conversation even took place if Boone repeated details to Jack, and Boone was still too unsure about their relationship to know how Jack would react. Perhaps he'd see the sense of what Ben was saying and tell him to go away, or think he was lying about Ben, whom he'd known much longer. No, he'd better not risk it; not yet.

"Why do you think he doesn't like you?" Jack's brows creased when Boone's expression didn't lighten any.

Boone forced a smile. "Oh, just… he kind of gives me the creeps, is all. Don't worry about it; I'll be fine." He leaned forward, placing a tender kiss on Jack's mouth.

Jack, looking relieved, kissed him back, his hands curving around Boone's body and beginning to lay him back on the bed. "Don't worry; I won't let him near you. Besides, he prefers women."

Oh yes, Boone knew that well enough; Shannon had told him how Ben had made suggestions to her. She might have tried sleeping her way through the band, but she wasn't completely indiscriminate. She hadn't liked Ben any more than Boone did, and they'd both watched him with other groupies and seen exactly how he worked.

Jack's next kiss made him forget about Ben for now though; the alluring quality of his tongue seeking Boone's was far too hard to resist. Jack's hand found an opening in Boone's shirtfront and slid inside, strong fingers stroking downward through the hairs across his lower belly, making Boone shiver in delight. Then Jack was flicking open the button of his jeans, slipping to his knees beside the bed, pulling Boone's pants away and removing his shoes in the process.

"Jack…" Boone managed, feeling breathless as he sat back up again. Surely he should be the one offering such things to Jack, not the other way around?

"Mmm?" Jack murmured, only half paying attention as he smoothed his hands back up Boone's thighs and engulfed the head of his erection in warm, wet lips.

"Oh… God…" Boone groaned, unable to say more as he fell back again, eyes partly closed as he watched Jack's warm hazel eyes sparkling with pleasure and his eager mouth beginning to bob over the cock in it.

He might not have been doing this long, but he was certainly a quick study.

~//~

Some time later, dazed and sated, Boone lay back in the big bed, naked and alone, listening to the shower running. Jack had to get ready for tonight's sound-check, but he'd urged Boone to stay where he was, since he thought Boone looked so comfortable. They'd gone several rounds, actually, and he was exhausted. The only thing stopping him from sleeping was the worry of what Ben could be planning to get rid of him.

He might not actively stop them from being together – yet – but no matter how discrete he was, Boone was convinced the man would try to make him leave before the tour was out. He wondered how Jack would feel about that. He said he cared – loved Boone, perhaps – but what was really most important to him? Boone wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer to that.

The shower turned off, and minutes later Jack appeared in the doorway to the bathroom, one towel wrapped around his hips, another in his hands as he dried his hair. He smiled at Boone and stepped closer. Boone couldn't help smiling back.

"You look like a fallen angel; all gorgeous and satisfied. You should sleep if you're tired though; it's not like you have to be anywhere." Jack sat on the edge of the bed as he tossed the towel in his hand towards the chair and reached out to touch Boone's naked chest. "I still can't believe this."

Boone quirked an eyebrow but didn't speak yet.

"What?" Jack asked, a blush rising to his cheeks, though he didn't stop touching Boone. His fingertips moved over Boone's smooth chest. It tickled, and Boone put up a hand to catch it, bringing it close to kiss the calluses on Jack's fingers.

"You can't believe you're sleeping with me? Imagine how I feel; I never thought this was even possible. You… you’ve always been so unattainable before now. I just hope…" Boone paused, biting his lip and looking down before Jack could see the worry in his eyes. "Never mind."

"You're beautiful, Boone; I can't believe you want _me_ ; you could have your pick of any number of guys. I'm… I'm just glad…" Jack hesitated, shifting the hand Boone still held to caress Boone's face. He wasn't looking at Boone either now, but his hand felt good on Boone's skin. "Glad you were still willing to take me, after everything."

 _Everything_ was Sawyer, and the spectre of what he was to Jack – even now – hung in air between them; silent and eerie like a ghost, but almost palpable without a word spoken aloud about him.

"I didn't want any of those guys…" Boone couldn't believe how Jack could downplay his own attractiveness, but he supposed all those years with Sawyer's arrogance were enough to make anyone doubt their own appeal. " _You're_ my pick."

Jack smiled shyly, his face flushing once more, and finally lifted his lashes to smile into Boone's eyes with what Boone hoped was love. On impulse, he sat up quickly and kissed Jack before he could move away, holding the man's head and deepening the kiss as Jack responded.

Groaning, Jack pulled away at last, the darkening of his eyes betraying his growing lust. "If you keep doing things like that," he warned, his voice low with need, "I won't make it to sound-check. Sawyer'd bust a gut if I didn't show." He shifted off the bed, but not before realising what he'd said. "Shit, I'm sorry. I shouldn't-"

"It's okay, Jack," Boone said softly, though his own guts were twisting in response to the sound of Sawyer's name on Jack's lips. It was like nothing happened without Sawyer coming into it – spoken or not – though Boone knew it wasn't fair of him to think that way.

Constant Daze was Jack and Sawyer; Sawyer and Jack - everyone knew that. He had to stop being so sensitive just because Jack mentioned his musical partner; since _they_ were together, and now that Sawyer was spending more time in Sayid's bed, what Jack and Sawyer _could_ have had together meant very little, despite the 'ghost' that kept visiting them.

Jack gave him a look that said he _knew_ how it upset Boone, but didn't say anything else. He moved to his bag and began digging around for clothes, glancing back at Boone as he slowly put things on.

Boone flopped back on the bed, but he was restless. He wouldn't stay after Jack left; he'd probably go to the bar for a drink, and then maybe head up to the stage to see how the sound-check was going. He hated to miss all of it, although it was true he was tired.

"I'll see you later; before the show," Jack said as he tied his bootlaces and came to kiss Boone one more time. "You'll be in the dressing room for the kick-off, yeah?"

Boone smiled, reaching around Jack's neck and nearly upending him again, before letting him go with an evil laugh as Jack's eyes widened. "Try and stop me."

"I wouldn't want to." Jack backed away from the bed like he thought Boone might make a last-ditch attempt to keep him there, but he was still grinning as he held up a hand in farewell at the door.

Boone sighed, staring after him sightlessly. God, he hoped Ben wasn't going to make things too difficult for them. A hollow feeling of worry in his gut couldn't be dislodged though.

~//~

Down in the bar about an hour later, Boone was nursing a beer when Sawyer slid into a seat next to him and ordered his own drink. It wasn't surprising to see him there since the sound check didn't need his voice in particular, and he often left before they were done; once they'd run through a few songs. Boone froze for a second, but said nothing, eyeing Sawyer sideways. The singer tossed his hair back with a hand and sniffed lightly as he turned to grin lazily in Boone's direction.

"So… finally got what you asked for, huh? Who'd 'a thought it?"

Boone wasn't sure what to say to that, so he simply nodded slightly and took another sip of his drink. He knew talking to Sawyer alone really wasn't a good idea, especially after last time, and he had to wonder if Sawyer was just a little bit jealous, even though he seemed to have something going with Sayid.

He and Jack wouldn't still be making music after all this time if there was absolutely no attraction from Sawyer's side, he decided now. Why that hadn't occurred to him before he wasn't sure, but he knew the man well enough after having been to bed with him several times. Sawyer was relaxed in bed, prone to giving away more things than usual, and although he'd denied having feelings for Jack, the more Boone thought about it, the more he realised Sawyer always spoke of Jack with a certain tone… a tone that certainly implied more than mere musical admiration.

Smirking at the realisation, he looked straight at Sawyer, who was sipping thoughtfully at his own beer. "Jealous?"

Sawyer swung his head back, something blazing in his eyes that he quickly damped down, a buzz of anger replacing it. "What have I got to be jealous of? You were just a fuck toy to me. If Jack wants more than that, good for him."

The bartender glided by then and Sawyer gave an uneasy glance in his direction, but the man didn't seem to be paying them any mind as he served another customer at the other end of the bar. The place was pretty quiet, with only a handful of others in the room.

Boone huffed, half over Sawyer's furtive glances around them, and half over what he was assuming Boone meant. "I didn't mean me," he offered in a low but steady voice. "You had your chance, anyway. From what I heard, you blew it."

Sawyer took another gulp of beer, his eyes still angry. "Yeah? What bullshit has he been feeding you?"

"It's not bullshit though, is it? Too scared, that's my bet. Well, good luck with Sayid. I hope you two… well, I hope that if it's real, you don't ruin it with him too."

Boone got up, draining his glass as he stood, and quirked his lip at the confused expression on Sawyer's face. The man didn't even seem to have a come-back for that, and Boone felt a certain satisfaction at causing the worry lines on his handsome brow. He pursed his lips in a 'kissy' motion and offered Sawyer one of his own lines as he walked away: "Seeya, Sweetheart."

Sawyer's face went from a brief flicker of bare emotion – one Boone could almost have thought had something to do with love if he didn't know better – to an angry scowl. "Fuck off, ya cocksucker."

"I had to be though, didn't I?" Boone retorted, turning back for a moment, "It's not like you were going to do it. Thank God Jack's not like you." And he didn't just mean in bed.

He snorted once more, seeing something unreadable in Sawyer's eye as the man turned back to the bar. He didn't say anything else, and Boone raised an eyebrow in wonder for a second, before turning and leaving the bar.

~//~

At the side of the stage, Boone watched Jack with pride. The concert was going well; the crowd seemed almost as energised as Portland, and the band were feeding off it. Jack in particular looked more relaxed and into it than Boone could remember in a long time, and he had to believe that he'd had something to do with that. He could barely take his eyes off the man, and his heart swelled with love. Feeling tears pricking at his eyes as he stood there, Boone blinked, backing up a little.

"You know Jack and Sawyer will always be the heart of it," Ben said into his ear, making Boone jump. He patted Boone's shoulder from behind, which made Boone feel like flinching away, but he managed to hold still. "Relax. They're in the groove tonight. Look at them together; they're beautiful."

Sawyer had moved up to where Jack was stroking the rhythm thoughtfully on his guitar, throwing an arm around Jack's neck from behind and pressing up against him. Boone felt vaguely sick; a jolt of jealousy made his skin prickle. Jack's head turned towards Sawyer's face and Sawyer whispered something to him, his lips inches from Jack's ear. Jack laughed, their eyes meeting in secret understanding before Sawyer moved away to launch back into song.

"You really think he'd choose you over the band?" Ben taunted, "If it came down to it? Jack's not going to risk their reputation any more than Sawyer would. As for the audience… they accept that those two are tight, but they'd never believe it was anything more than musical harmony. We know better though, don't we? Hmm?"

Boone felt a tremor run through him as he turned towards Ben. He tightened his fists with the urge to thump him, but something held him back. The little man was looking decidedly superior; like he _knew_ exactly what Jack and Sawyer were to each other.

"They've known each other a long time," Boone managed, his voice sounding surprisingly even in the circumstances. "There's nothing beyond friendship and… and a mutual interest in music there. Jack told me. And I'd never expect him to choose me over the band, anyway. I know it's his life. I wouldn't… why am I even trying to justify myself?"

Ben smirked, folding his arms across his thin chest and leaning back on a piece of equipment. "Because you know that there's no future in it. You want to convince yourself he cares, but you can see it as clearly as anyone else here; Jack's only real love – beyond the music – is Sawyer. And Sawyer… well, you can see in the way they are together that he belongs to Jack too. He'd never admit it; I doubt either one would, but I've known both of them a lot longer than you have, Boone, and whether they're screwing or not… they're closer than you can ever hope to be with either one."

"What about Sayid?" Boone didn't like what Ben was implying, although he couldn't help glancing back at them – seeing them move, the way they looked at each other – and realise that Ben was probably right. The good feeling he'd had dropped away and an aching hollowness returned. He shifted his gaze to Sayid, lost in the music as he bent over his guitar. He and Sawyer… there was something between them. Couldn't things work out like that: Jack and Boone, Sawyer and Sayid; why not?

He gulped a deep breath as Jack grinned lovingly in Sawyer's direction, and it hit him then that they made love every night on stage together. No matter how much Jack might deny it, Ben _was_ right. He and Sawyer were inextricably bound together, and no amount of sex with Boone was going to change that.

"Sayid's a temporary distraction; Sawyer's always had those. You should know that well enough! Jack has his too; look at Juliet. But at the end of the day… they're it. They are _it_." Ben gave Boone a self-satisfied smile and walked away.

Boone stared after him for a moment, the hollow feeling growing. No longer able to enjoy the onstage performance, he took a deep breath, flicked an angry look in Sawyer's direction, and took off in the opposite direction from Ben.

~//~//~


	17. Sayid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sayid thinks he's in for a quiet night. Little does he know what's in store.

_I'm gonna tell it like it is  
Yes it's always down to me  
I can't go on like this  
Watch your step, it's history  
Gonna burn this bridge  
You just wait and see  
Tell it like it is, yeah_

'Tell It Like It Is' Bad Company

The knock at the door was different from Sawyer's usual sharp rap or 'shave and a haircut' rhythm and Sayid frowned as he got off the bed to investigate. Opening the door, he was surprised to see Boone on the other side.

A very drunk Boone, who didn't wait to be invited in; he pushed past Sayid and headed towards the hotel fridge, opening it and pulling out a bottle.

"Don't you think you've had enough?" Sayid asked.

"Enough? I haven't had nearly enough," Boone sneered. "Tell me something, Sayid. Does Sawyer let you fuck him? I’ve been thinkin' about it..."

He gulped from the bottle and stumbled back across the room to where Sayid stood watching him uncertainly. He'd shut the door, sure that any scene the boy was about to cause didn't need to be witnessed by hotel staff or other guests, but he hadn't moved far away from it. He said nothing yet, waiting to see where Boone was heading with his trail of thought.

"Thing is..." Boone went on, his pretty face screwing up into a drunken-thoughtful look, "He always fucked me; made me suck his cock. He never… and I mean that as in _never_... did much for me that was... how shall I put it? He was a taker, anyway. Thank God he could move right. Anyway... I jus' don't see _you_ as the type to let him fuck you. So… I was wondering... how's that work? The two of you, I mean." He stopped at last and sat down heavily on the bed, looking at Sayid expectantly.

"That is hardly any of your concern," Sayid replied after a moment, looking at Boone with some distain. "Why are you here, Boone? Aside from questioning me about my sex life, there has to be a reason why you are so very drunk and here instead of in Jack's room with him."

Boone gazed up at him pacifically for a moment, then blinked, getting to his feet and moving nearer to Sayid. Sayid stood his ground as Boone looked him in the eye. They were a similar height, and Sayid wondered if Boone was considering kissing him with the way his gaze fell from Sayid's eyes to his mouth. Last week, Sayid might have considered taking advantage of Boone's inebriation. Now, he wasn't so sure he could do it.

"Did he tell you about him and Jack?" Boone asked.

"Tell me what?" Sayid asked, though his heart had begun to thud at the words. He turned away from Boone and moved towards the bed, sitting down and shifting back to get comfortable against the headboard. He was barefoot already and wore only jeans and a soft white shirt partially unbuttoned. He hoped his expression was casual enough that Boone wouldn't see how the thought of Jack and Sawyer together was affecting him. He reached for his pot pouch and leaned back again, crossing his ankles and beginning to roll a joint.

Boone had turned to watch him move, and one corner of his mouth quirked up in a knowing smirk. "Didn't he tell you how _close_ they are? How they had sex years ago?"

Sayid raised his eyebrows like the idea interested him mildly, but inside his gut twisted. Was he about to find out exactly how much more there was between the two of them? He couldn't forget the intimate way they'd been talking beside the bus that day when Jack had lost his temper in the diner in the middle of nowhere.

Boone took the few steps from where he stood to the bed awkwardly, almost tripping over before finding a seat dangerously close to Sayid and tossing the now-empty bourbon bottle he'd held into the nearby trash can.

"They were too frightened to do much, but they definitely did it at least once," Boone said, nodding. "Maybe more; I don't know. Probably, though Jack said it was only once. You think he'd lie to me?"

He looked lost; totally unsure, and Sayid wasn't certain whether to admit that Sawyer's story agreed with the 'one time' thing, or to ask more about Jack's disclosures to Boone to find out exactly _what_ his version held. Did it even matter what they'd done? There was definitely mutual attraction there; in the end that was probably more significant.

Sayid was aware of Boone's hand on his thigh, but he didn't think it was intentionally sexual at this point. The boy was drunk; he probably didn't even realise he was doing it. Sayid lit up the joint and took a deep pull, hoping it would relax him enough to forget how the thought of his lover wrapped in Jack's arms made him feel.

Boone didn't seem to need answers from him; despite his questions, he didn't appear to notice that Sayid hadn't answered any of them. "Have you watched them together? On stage tonight… God, Ben was right! They have something… even if they aren't screwing. How can I ever compete with that? Is it serious between you and Sawyer? Did... do you..." Boone trailed off, watching Sayid release the smoke from his lungs. "Can I have some of that?"

Sayid felt a shiver go through him at the sound of Ben's name. What on earth had their manager been saying to Boone? What did he know about their 'relationship'? Nodding, he handed the joint to Boone, and absently watched him smoke, his own thoughts racing. Before he realised what the boy was doing, he heard the clunk of Boone's shoes, and then he was moving over Sayid, straddling his legs and leaning in towards him. Sayid opened his mouth to protest, and Boone puffed sweet-smelling smoke straight into it, sealing his lips to Sayid's.

The pot was already weaving its way into his system and Sayid felt his cock begin to stiffen under Boone's backside. Boone ground down into him, wrapping a hand around his neck and deepening the kiss. He had a sweet taste beyond the alcohol, and Sayid couldn't help his response. After a moment, Boone pulled back, smiling stupidly, and stuck the joint back in Sayid's mouth.

Stunned and more than a little turned on, Sayid took another drag and held the smoke deep in his lungs as he watched Boone peel off his sweater. His pretty cheeks were flushed, and his eyes, although hazed with drink and the drug, held a promise that Sayid was beginning to think he'd find hard to resist as he got more stoned. And yet just last week the boy had run away from him, frightened, like he was some kind of torturer or something.

Boone pulled off the silky shirt he was wearing, dropping it with the sweater on the floor, and leaned towards Sayid again. His lips were incredibly soft, and Sayid found his hand stroking a pink cheek as he let out the smoke he'd been holding, directly into Boone's mouth. The boy took it and held it for a moment, turning to let it out again before removing the joint from Sayid's fingers and pinching the end off like an expert.

Sayid swallowed, watching as Boone put the joint in the ashtray on the nightstand, and then they were kissing again, Sayid's hands warming against the smooth white skin of Boone's flanks.

The door opened suddenly and Sayid pushed Boone away from his mouth, though they didn't stop touching. Boone turned curious eyes in the direction of the noise.

"Well, well, well; what a pretty little picture we got here," Sawyer drawled, smirking as he moved into the room and slammed the door shut behind him. He twirled the spare key to the room in his fingers as he watched the two of them on the bed. There was something evil gleaming in his eyes, and Sayid felt a sliver of fear prickle along his spine.

Nonetheless, he stayed where he was, holding onto Boone and gazed as nonchalantly in Sawyer's direction as he could manage. "You took your time. I got bored."

Sawyer raised his eyebrows briefly, the grin not leaving his face. "Looks like you found a way to relieve the boredom. Why waste it?" He moved closer to the bed and started unbuttoning his shirt. "I'm sure you won't mind sharin'."

Sayid could feel Boone's tension, but he held him firm. To his credit, Boone hadn't moved yet either, and he looked towards Sawyer uncertainly, then met Sayid's eyes. There was fear there, but a kind of excitement buzzed in him too, and Sayid wondered at it. A part of him couldn't help thinking that it would serve Jack right if his little hero-worshipper was less than faithful.

Maybe he _could_ take advantage of the boy after all.

Smiling lazily over his shoulder at Sawyer, Sayid unfastened Boone's jeans and nudged him upward so he could pull them down. Boone barely hesitated, his own smile curving lopsidedly as Sayid transferred his gaze from Sawyer's thoughtful green eyes to Boone's startlingly deep blue ones.

Somehow they managed to get Boone's pants off between them. Behind Boone's slim figure, Sawyer stripped down until he was only wearing jeans, and then he was on the bed behind Boone, smoothing tanned hands over the pale skin on Boone's hips. Boone glanced back over his shoulder on an indrawn breath, but before Sawyer could claim his mouth, Sayid reached a hand up and pulled the boy back towards himself.

The kiss was deep and thorough, and Sayid hoped it sounded erotic enough to annoy Sawyer into further action. He wasn't disappointed. Boone gasped after a few minutes, pulling his mouth away from Sayid's, and panted hard over him as Sayid stretched to see over his shoulder. Sawyer, who had disappeared off the bed briefly, was fully naked now, his cock standing almost straight up in front of him. He kneeled close behind Boone, his hand disappearing out of view between the boy's buttocks.

"God..." Boone muttered, dropping his forehead to rest on the skin near the open buttons of Sayid's shirt.

Sayid wondered how he was going to get his own clothes off. His shirt was undone, but beyond that, he was still dressed. With Boone over him and Sawyer distracting him as he was, it seemed unlikely he would be able to free his restricted cock throbbing inside his tight jeans.

Boone heaved another breath as Sawyer did something with his fingers, and then he was scrabbling at Sayid, pushing away from his body enough to unfasten Sayid's pants. His body began to undulate gently and he groaned against Sayid's mouth, kissing and licking from his mouth and down his neck as Sayid stroked his bare flanks and watched Sawyer's eyes.

"Let's see how open I can get him..." Sawyer murmured, his dimples deepening.

Sayid wondered what it was he saw in Sawyer's expression as the man let his gaze drop to where he was stroking in and out of Boone. Boone groaned again, and Sawyer shifted, withdrawing his fingers and pulling at Boone until he knelt up in front of Sayid, trembling with need.

"Trousers, Chief," Sawyer spoke softly, eyes on Sayid as his hands moved around Boone's body and pulled him back against himself to lick under one ear while Sayid hurried to shed his pants.

"Just relax; let me take care of things," Sawyer instructed, one hand circling Boone's engorged cock and pumping it slowly as he continued to nuzzle at the boy's throat. "Don't you taste good tonight?"

Boone moaned and turned towards Sawyer, who immediately caught his mouth with his own, pushing his tongue inside and giving Boone no chance to escape. The kiss was dirty and deep, making Sayid's cock pulse as he watched, although a flicker of anger went through him at the same time. Sawyer didn't let up on Boone's dick either, and the boy didn't seem to be fighting any of it.

Sayid had managed to get his pants right off, though his shirt remained on—unbuttoned, thankfully—and Sawyer, true to his word, began to manoeuvre Boone over Sayid again, letting go of Boone's cock to reach behind himself for something. Holding Boone still, the boy's back against his chest, he brought his hand back around, coated in some kind of grease—he'd probably found Sayid's jar of lube when he'd been off the bed before—and wrapped it around Sayid's erection, making him hiss.

Sawyer's smirk never faltered as he gazed coolly into Sayid's eyes, slicking up his cock. Sayid half-closed his eyes in pleasure, giving in to it and practically ignoring Boone, despite his proximity. Abruptly, Sawyer let go of his dick, and Sayid's eyes widened as Sawyer gave one more kiss to Boone's neck and began to shift him over Sayid's cock.

Boone grunted as Sawyer got him in place and Sayid felt the head of his cock penetrate the boy's body. Sawyer whispered something in Boone's ear, stroking his skin with those warm hands that Sayid knew well enough by now. The tightness was exquisite, and Sayid felt the urge to thrust up, but he couldn't move. It wasn't necessary in the end, anyway; although he moved slowly, Sawyer had Boone fully seated over Sayid's cock before long.

Sayid took a deep breath, watching the two of them still moving together over him and wondered at the feel of Sawyer's heat against his legs, unsure what he planned next.

"Beautiful," Sawyer drawled, grinning at Sayid and flicking a glance over Boone's shoulder as he began to rock the boy on Sayid's hard flesh.

"Oh, God..." Boone gasped, wrapping his hand around his own dick and jerking in time to the movements Sawyer was encouraging. Sayid felt on fire, his hips urging upwards only fractionally as Boone's slick hole rode him.

Suddenly, Sawyer pushed Boone forward so he was lying over Sayid, although Sayid's cock didn't leave the boy's body. Boone didn't seem to object as Sawyer's hand skimmed up his spine; he sought Sayid's lips and licked at them until he opened his mouth to Boone's tongue. Sayid became aware that Sawyer's other hand was sliding wetly between him and Boone, but he didn't stop the kiss. Gripping Boone tightly, if anything he deepened it.

Boone wasn't moving over him much now and Sayid's pleasure had receded, although it still felt good. And then he realised that Sawyer's finger was sliding against his cock, still inside Boone. Boone gasped, rocking back suddenly and breaking their lips apart. It felt odd to Sayid, having something else next to him inside Boone, but the friction stirred something deep inside him and he groaned, low and guttural.

It obviously encouraged Sawyer; his finger disappeared as slowly as it had found its way in there, and Sawyer shifted nearer, his legs straddling Sayid's as he pressed his cock up against Boone's asshole and slowly pushed in. Sayid and Boone gasped at almost the same moment, and their eyes met, brown and blue caught in some kind of needy surprise at Sawyer's audacity. Boone winced, his breath coming in short, noisy little grunts, but he didn't seem to be objecting from what Sayid could tell past the sensation of Sawyer stretching him around both of their cocks. Wanting only to make this easier, he stroked at Boone's smoothly flushed skin where he could, circling his fingertips gently in what he hoped was a soothing manner.

Sawyer huffed a breath over Boone's shoulder, supporting himself away from both bodies with one arm as he rubbed the boy's back and shoulder too. "Okay?" he asked, showing a concern Sayid hadn't expected.

It felt amazing to be ensheathed so, with another man's heated flesh rubbing against his own, and the fact it was Sawyer made it all the better. Boone was almost irrelevant—save for his stretched orifice containing them both—despite his trembling body taut between them.

"Okay," Boone managed, his voice sounding as tight as his body felt, nodding so that his soft hair tickled Sayid's skin.

Sawyer flicked one more grin, not quite as easy as before—probably due to the tight pleasure he was sharing, more than any genuine disquiet he was feeling at what he was doing to Jack's lover—and then he began to move, slowly at first, gradually building into a steady rhythm that had all three of them breathing heavily as he controlled their actions.

Sayid, unable to do more than allow it to unfold over him, felt light-headed with the strangeness of it, although it was exquisite to be so stimulated, both by the idea and the scraping of slicked up flesh against his own. The noises in his ears sounded loud and harsh, and he wasn't sure who made what sound for a while as Sawyer drove them all on mercilessly.

A whimper in his ear came from Boone and Sayid could feel the pulsing of the boy's cock against his belly. Boone practically squeaked, "Please, please..." Sayid slid a hand in between them, finding Boone's dick in the gap and rubbing his thumb over the damp head as his fist jerked it awkwardly.

Boone's mouth sought his and Sayid turned into it as Sawyer sucked on the back of Boone's neck, his movements speeding up as he grunted. The pleasure was so intense it almost hurt, and Sayid lost it, spinning and bucking under the others, his orgasm more powerful than he'd have imagined in the circumstances. The others obviously flew with him, as when he came back to his senses some minutes later, they lay in a sticky heap, still joined and heaving, his breathing coming with difficulty under his dual burden.

"Fuck," was all he managed, unable to move. Boone seemed to have passed out, and Sawyer did nothing but groan weakly. "Please," Sayid struggled to say.

Finally, Sawyer shifted, his flaccid cock falling out of Boone and allowing Sayid's to do the same. He groaned again and landed face down next to Sayid on the bed.

Sayid took a breath and moved out from under Boone. He climbed off the bed shakily, leaving the other two breathing noisily, and went for something to clean up with. On his way back from the bathroom, a knock sounded at the door. Sayid frowned and slipped into a robe, glancing at the bed. Boone was nearest him on his stomach, with Sawyer stretched out beyond him, also face down, both still uncovered. Briefly, Sayid considered drawing the sheet over them, but it would have involved getting one or both to shift, so he gave up on the idea and moved to answer the door, never for a moment imagining who he would find on the other side of it.

Jack.

Sayid didn't have the door open very far, and Jack probably couldn't see beyond him, but he was all too aware of the scene beyond and how Jack might react.

"Sayid, you haven't seen Boone, have you? I heard he was at the bar, and someone said he'd left to see you..." Jack blinked, looking confused as he took in Sayid's attire, although for all he knew Sayid was simply settled in for the night. "He didn't..." Jack started, and then frowned, before pushing the door back. "My God... of all the... Jesus, what..." Jack swallowed, looking away from the sight of Sawyer rising up onto his elbow and grinning at him over Boone's naked body.

Sayid smiled coolly, although something inside him was twisting at the expression in Jack's eyes.

"What's'a matter, Mr. Cool; not expecting to find your new boyfriend playing around quite so soon?" Sawyer smirked and slapped Boone's ass playfully, but the drunken boy didn't stir. "He was a lotta fun, eh Sayid?"

"What have you done to him?" Jack demanded lowly, his voice tight with anger as he met Sayid's eyes.

"Nothin' he wasn't willing to do," Sawyer answered. "Don't worry about him; he's just passed out from all the excitement of having two cocks up his ass at once."

Jack's heated face flushed further as he turned a shocked expression in Sawyer's direction. His lips moved like he was seeking words, but in the end he said nothing. Sayid watched him cautiously, but didn't speak either. Jack's fists were curling and uncurling at his sides, and as Sawyer continued to smirk at him, Jack pulled his lips back in a snarl, then abruptly turned on his heel and left, slamming the door behind him.

Sawyer snorted, sitting up and reached for his jeans. He pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and shifted to lean on the headboard as he lit up.

"Was that really necessary?" Sayid asked mildly, surveying Boone's unconscious body.

"Hell, yeah! Asshole! He's been actin' all high and mighty for years, like he ain't ever given the guy a second glance, but what happens as soon as he ditches the Ice Queen? He's all over the kid like a rash. And it ain't like Boone wasn't in for this; he was on _your_ lap, half-naked, before I even arrived."

Sayid could hardly deny it, and although Boone was more than drunk—nor could he have expected tonight's outcome—he had appeared willing. Sayid nodded slowly, an irrational sense of guilt filling him. "I don't even know where he's staying. We should get him back to his room."

Sawyer looked at him like he thought Sayid was crazy. "I thought you knew; he's stayin' with Jack. We're stuck with him the rest of tonight, 'less you wanna go to my room now?"

Somehow, the last thing Sayid felt like was being alone with Sawyer tonight.

"No, but you can, Sawyer. Somehow, I doubt I will be getting much sleep."

"What? What'd I do? You were in on this, bud. No way in hell I'm takin' all the blame here." Sawyer scowled, taking a hard drag on his cigarette.

"Get out, Sawyer. I'm simply not in the mood." Sayid gave Sawyer a look that he hoped had Sawyer re-thinking his position on things. Sayid couldn't imagine how Boone was going to feel in the morning, but he doubted Sawyer would be telling him the truth of the situation, and somehow Sayid felt he owed the boy that much.

Sawyer looked at him for a while, then huffed a breath out, shifting off the bed when Sayid's expression didn't change. Putting out the cigarette on the way, he kicked into his jeans and flapped on his shirt, leaving it unbuttoned. He glared at Sayid as he collected his boots, but he didn't say a word when Sayid opened the door for him.

Sayid watched Sawyer stomp off down the hall towards his own room. Sawyer didn't turn back, although Sayid found himself wanting him to. He closed the door before Sawyer reached into his back pocket for his room key.

What a fucking mess.

~//~//~


	18. Charlie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie and Desmond begin to wonder if the band has a future.

_I've got to kick away these blues  
Got to get on my rock'n roll shoes  
I'm leaving in the morning  
I'm heading for the promised land  
Oh baby; look out over there_

'Whiskey Bottle' Bad Company

The mood of the last San Francisco concert was strange. Charlie couldn't figure it out. Jack and Sawyer's usual antagonism towards each other was even worse than usual, and Sayid and Boone were somehow involved in it too.

The music was incredible though and the gig went fantastically, including the new songs that Jack and Sawyer had brought to this tour, but the on-stage glowering and other interactions had to be seen to be believed. Off-stage was even worse.

Jack and Sawyer hadn't spoken all day, as far as Charlie could tell—which wasn't so unusual—but Jack looked dreadful and he didn't seem to be talking to Sayid or Boone either. Sayid looked as cool as ever, and although he and Sawyer were on speaking terms, a lot of it was arguing. When Charlie happened to notice them, Sayid was suggesting they play the new song they'd written together on stage tonight for the first time, but Sawyer—looking towards Jack when he replied—refused point-blank. Sayid argued some more, but Sawyer was like a brick wall, glaring at his usual collaborator with more vehemence than normal and telling Sayid in no uncertain terms that he needed to 'bide his time', although there was considerably more swearing involved than those three words.

Boone seemed pale and subdued, barely looking anyone in the eye as he flitted through the place like a lost soul. Charlie caught him gazing wistfully at Jack at one point; it was like things had gone backwards between them and he was in a worse position than when Jack had ignored him. Now, Jack flicked hurt looks in his direction occasionally, but said nothing.

In fact, the only people Jack seemed to have any words for were the girls, and by dint of association, Charlie and Desmond. At first, Charlie didn't say anything much, but at the after-party when Jack was clearly avoiding Boone and throwing daggered looks toward the other two, he and Desmond decided words might be necessary.

Between the two of them, they managed to corner Jack.

"Tell us there is going to be a band after this tour, oh beloved leader," Charlie started off, casually enough.

"What? Someone say there wasn't?"

"It's not quite like that, brother," Desmond said, "but going by the increased tension around here tonight, Charlie and me have been wondering."

Jack shook his head, flicking yet another angry look in Sawyer's direction. Charlie glanced over to see Sawyer flirting sexily with not one but three pretty girls. He was whispering into one's ear, and then turned to grin at the other two as they bounced happily in front of him. Charlie let his gaze pick out Sayid, who was chatting up another dolly bird nearby, and then looking towards Boone, was somewhat surprised to find him in Ben's company. Ben looked as smug as ever, saying something that Boone didn't seem too pleased about, as he scowled angrily in Jack's direction.

"Look," Jack said, spreading his hands placatingly, "As far as I'm concerned, everything is the same as it was. Sayid…" His voice seemed to stick on the name as he frowned in the man's direction, then recovered and went on, "Sayid's working out well as guitarist and we're all writing… We should be able to go into the studio as planned in a couple of months. Touring again… well, that can wait for a decision, but everything's cool, okay?"

"I know it's none of my business, Jack, but what's going on with Boone? One minute you're all lovey-dovey; the next he's the enemy? If we've noticed… others might too. Is it something to do with Sawyer and Sayid?"

Jack's expression went steely. "You're right, Charlie; it's none of your business. I'm not about to discuss my private life with anyone." He gave them both a hard look and strode away.

Desmond scratched his head, looking at Charlie in a bemused way. "Guess that tells us where we stand."

"Yeah," said Charlie, gulping at the drink he held. "Nothing's changed, then."

~//~

Towards the end of the after-party, when Charlie and Claire were saying their goodbyes, Charlie looked around to see who was left. Jack was sitting in a corner with Ben, frowning deeply as he listened to their manager. Sawyer had gone off about an hour earlier with two of the girls he'd been chatting up earlier. No surprises there; whatever had been going on between him and Sayid was obviously just a fling. Sayid had also left with a girl—just the one though, Charlie was almost pleased to note.

Boone had been sitting with Penny and Desmond for a while now, and Desmond caught Charlie's eye as he looked in their direction, desperation painting his deep brown eyes. Charlie rolled his eyes at the way Penny was holding Boone's hand and whispering something to him, and murmured to Claire he'd just be a moment. He made his way across the room as Desmond stood up and met him halfway.

"Oh, Christ, brother, save me?" Desmond asked. "She's gonna invite him to spend the night with us; I know it."

Charlie blinked and focused on Penny and Boone again. "Surely she's not thinking you'll-"

Desmond cut in. "No, she bloody-well isn't! It's just that he's had a falling out with Jack and doesn't want to go back to his room tonight. That's where he's staying. You know Penny… she's a sucker for him and… well, she's just offering him a place to crash for the night. But I know what'll happen; I'll spend the night on the couch and she'll be cuddled up with him in our bed, comforting him and offering advice; then there will be reconciliations in the early hours or something equally as bloody stupid. Can't you and Claire take him?"

"Not on your Nelly!" Charlie laughed, "You're not worried she'll try and convert him while you're sleeping are you?"

"No, I bloody am not! More like, if she can't convince him to go see Jack, she'll be thinking maybe we should all expand our horizons. Well, no, not really; don't think Pen'd do that. She knows I'm not interested." He glanced back at his girlfriend with furrowed brows before continuing, "But I can't imagine I'll get a lot of sleep, to be honest. I'm shattered though… and we're on the bus again tomorrow.

"Come on, at least Claire wouldn't be whispering to him all night, would she? He'll be on the couch in your room, surely?"

"We haven't got a couch," Charlie told him honestly. "Think we got the bargain room this time around." He shrugged, feeling for Desmond's plight but unwilling to take Boone off his hands. "Sorry, mate. Looks like you might be stuck with him unless you can get Jack to see sense. What happened with Jack, anyway? Did he say?"

Desmond shook his head. "No, it's weird. He keeps giving Sawyer and Sayid daggered looks when he's not sending moony love-darts in Jack's direction, but he won't say anything about it."

Charlie rolled his eyes and gave Jack a curious look. He was still deep in conversation with Ben, although his eyes strayed to Boone as Charlie watched. But Charlie could see Claire gesturing at him and he knew it was time he took his leave.

"I don't think I want to know," he decided, "especially if it involves Sawyer and Sayid. Anyway, mate, good luck with the room-mate, and I'll see you on the bus tomorrow."

"Thanks, _mate_ ," Desmond said, with about as much cheer as a wet dishrag.

~//~

The next morning didn't seem to have changed matters much. Charlie and Claire arrived at the bus shortly before it was due to leave. Desmond plodded out looking exhausted some minutes later, with Penny and Boone following together shortly thereafter. Des lit up a cigarette as soon as he cleared the building, inhaling deeply and closing his eyes in pleasure. Charlie grinned and waited for Desmond to join them.

Claire said hello to Des and gave Charlie a kiss before wandering over to talk to Boone and Penny. Desmond leaned against the bus next to Charlie and heaved out a sigh.

"You look tired, mate. You can crash on the bus at least. Did Boone tell her anything?"

"Buggered if I know, brother. I tuned out early on, but still didn't sleep much."

Before much longer, Sawyer appeared, and he and Charlie got into a discussion about the songs Charlie had been working on while Des closed his eyes where he stood. When Sayid came out a while later, Sawyer stiffened slightly, but carried on the conversation with Charlie. Sayid flicked a cool look at Sawyer without speaking and moved to where Boone and the girls were.

There was some kind of disagreement going on there, which Charlie didn't want to get involved in, but Sayid obviously wasn't as reluctant. Sawyer turned to watch too as Sayid's words carried across the space between the two groups.

"We're on our way back to LA now and it really does seem pointless—not to mention more expensive—for you to find a separate way to get there now. I have no objections to you being on the bus, especially since you were _invited_..." He directed the last sentence towards Jack who was just arriving. "I doubt anyone else will mind either. Am I right, ladies?" He managed what Charlie thought seemed like a genuine smile, although Jack's frown was anything but friendly.

Sawyer, next to him, was frowning too, and let out a low curse before stalking off around the corner of the building. Sayid glanced at him as he left but no one said anything about it. The girls were all agreeing with Sayid and trying to get Jack to confirm how welcome Boone still was.

"Look," Jack said, holding his hands out placatingly as he focused on anyone but Boone. "I... I asked Boone to come along and if everyone wants him on the bus, he should be on it. Just because we have... an issue... doesn't mean he shouldn't go the rest of the way. I know I'm not the only reason he's been on tour with us, anyway."

At that, Jack gave Boone an incredibly hurt look, before turning away, blinking hard. He headed in the same direction Sawyer had gone. Boone looked about ready to cry too, Charlie thought, his cheeks flushing pinkly and his long dark lashes making him look prettier than ever.

"Okay," he murmured to Penny, and Charlie stopped watching at that point as a loud argument erupted around the corner.

Desmond's eyes burst open and he and Charlie exchanged a look before taking off in the direction of Sawyer and Jack's raised voices.

"I didn't ask him to get onto the damned bed! He was there when I walked into the room; ask Sayid!" Sawyer shouted, shoving Jack.

"You didn't exactly walk away though, did you? Just have to ruin things for me, every chance you get, don't you? Why? Why can't you just let me have something good for once?" Jack pushed Sawyer back as Charlie and Des ran forward to try and split them up.

"We coulda..." Sawyer started, but stopped, shaking his head and glaring at Jack as Charlie and Des held them apart. "Let go," he growled at Charlie, shaking him off and stalking away.

Charlie frowned, unsure what that was all about. He watched with a confused expression as Sawyer disappeared. Boone appeared, rounding Sawyer carefully and looking at Jack in something akin to terror. "Jack..." he breathed, "Please?"

Penny was right behind him, and she scowled at Jack angrily. "I don't care what you think he did, Jack Shephard. You could at least listen to his side of things before you give him the cold shoulder. Before you say anything," she said, holding up a hand and not letting him interrupt, "he hasn't told me _anything_. Whatever the problem is, it's between you two, but if you won't even talk to him, how can you work it out?" She stood there with hands on hips and glared at Jack, as if daring him to argue.

Boone, for his part, looked extremely embarrassed, but he gave Jack a hopeful look as Charlie and Desmond stood warily by. Claire was back by the corner of the building, trying to see what was happening without looking too obvious, but Charlie couldn't see Sayid anywhere and briefly wondered where he'd gone.

"Come on, boys," Pen ordered, "Time we left these two alone. Des!" She practically yelled Desmond's name and he jumped, snapping to attention and quickly making his way back to the bus with her.

Charlie brought up the rear, collecting Claire on the way and exchanging confused looks with her. Despite himself, he was dying to know what the hell had happened the other night now. As they rounded the corner, it was hard to resist, but somehow he managed not to look back over his shoulder to see what was happening with Boone and Jack.

A quick glance towards the bus confirmed that Sayid had already staked a place on his own near the back, but his face was turned away so it was impossible to judge his mood. Sawyer was nowhere to be seen though, and Charlie couldn't help but wonder what on earth would happen next.

Despite the raw energy that took the band so high on stage, after seeing this latest drama begin to unfold, Charlie began to doubt whether Jack's assurances earlier were actually worth anything.

~//~//~


	19. Boone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boone tries to apologise to Jack, and to figure out how things went so badly.

_You left and my world fell apart, and I was desperate to find you  
I want you back but where do I start, I need help to remind you  
I don't know if you'll ever remember, when love reigned supreme  
The only time that I get to see you now, is here in my dreams_

'Dead of the Night' Bad Company

As he stood facing Jack, Boone licked his lips, his brow creasing. "Please, Jack."

"How could you?" Jack asked, not meeting his eyes.

Boone dropped his own eyes, embarrassment and shame swirling inside him. "I was drunk. Really drunk and I…" He shook his head, swallowing hard, unable to go on.

Why had he done what he'd done?

Sawyer _and_ Sayid; both of them, not just separately, but _together_. He'd let them both fuck him at once.

He barely remembered anything about it, but his ass had ached like hell when he'd woken up naked and alone in Sayid's bed afterward. Sayid was still in the room, but Sawyer was long gone. Boone had been confused and nervous, trying to piece together events of the night before and why his ass should be so damned sore, but Sayid had taken great pleasure in filling in the blanks for him—including the part where Jack had walked in and seen him in bed naked with Sawyer; not to mention Sawyer's delight in informing Jack _exactly_ what all three of them had been up to.

Boone had been shocked to find out what they'd done, but there were no bruises nor other pain to indicate any of it was against his will. He'd rapidly dressed as the reality sunk in—why else would he be feeling so well-used? He'd been fucked by more than one guy in a night before—but never at the same time—and hadn't felt anywhere near as sore afterwards. There were only two possibilities: they'd been rough or Sayid was telling the truth. The lack of other marks spoke for the latter.

Flushed and aching—both his head and his ass—he had rapidly escaped from Sayid's room and crept back to the room he was supposedly sharing with Jack. Heart thumping wildly, he gazed forlornly at his duffle bag in the hallway outside the room.

Jack had kicked him out.

Jack wouldn't speak to him the next time he saw him; wouldn't let him near enough to explain. Thank God for Penny, Boone's saviour in more ways than she could possibly understand. Of course he hadn't been able to tell her exactly what had gone on in the room with Sawyer and Sayid, but she understood enough to know he'd fooled around on Jack and been caught out. He'd mentioned Ben's part in his actions only briefly, and more about how much he'd had to drink before he'd approached Sayid, so she was understanding enough, but the look in her eyes said he'd disappointed her almost as much as he had Jack.

Shame and guilt filled him, even though he blamed Ben for making things so unbearable, and all he wanted was to take it back; undo the day before and make Jack understand how frightened he was of losing him. But the thought occurred to him that maybe he'd ruined it himself because it was easier than waiting for Jack to throw him over for Sawyer and the band, like Ben had suggested he would.

Now, all he could think to say was, "I don't know. I don't even remember it. I was so out of it…"

"Why? Why would you have felt the need to get so drunk that you couldn't even…" Jack stopped abruptly, anger and something unreadable filling his eyes. He ran a hand unevenly through his hair and shook his head. "I thought we had something, Boone."

"We do! We did…" Boone gulped, blinking hard as he stood there uncertainly. He wouldn't mention Ben, despite the fact that if it hadn't have been for him Boone would never have started drinking that night. Ben was right: Jack would never believe him over Ben. "I have no excuse, Jack. I'm sorry though, you have to believe me. I never meant to hurt you and if I could undo it, I would."

Jack looked at him silently for a few more minutes, then took a step forward. Whether he saw Boone's pain or whether he just couldn't be bothered being annoyed any more, Boone wasn't sure, but Jack's anger seemed to bleed away as he moved, and then he was wrapping his arms around Boone.

"I'm so damned sorry!" Boone cried, tears spilling hotly onto Jack's shirt.

"Ssh, it's okay. I know it's more their fault than yours. Sssh, now."

Jack's forgiveness, though it was what Boone wanted more than anything, seemed wrong somehow, and it was hard to stop the tears. He sniffled for a little longer, desperate to stay in Jack's arms, but he knew he had to pull himself together. He wasn't a girl and no matter what anyone else thought, he didn't want Jack to think he was that pathetic.

Finally, he pulled away, wiping at his nose and eyes. Jack held out something and he took it without a word, only realising it was a handkerchief as he blinked away more tears. It smelt of Jack, and Boone nearly started crying again at the reminder of what he was losing. Gulping again, he used it to clean up as best he could while Jack stood watching him without a word.

"I'll get it cleaned and back to you as soon as I can. Jack, I…"

"It's okay, Boone, keep it. Don't… don't try and apologise again. I'm not sure I'm ready to take up where we left off, but… it's going to look strange if I keep being so damned angry at you. Look, let's just get on the bus, get back to LA, and we'll talk again later, okay?"

"Okay." It was enough for now.

~//~

The bus trip was more subdued than the last ride, perhaps due to Jack's mood, although Boone wondered at Sawyer and Sayid's evident strain with each other and how much that contributed to the overall atmosphere. He felt guilty about that too—in addition to his guilt towards Jack—without quite understanding why he should. Sawyer and Sayid seemed to be cut of the same cloth; both unable to face up to their true natures and how they felt for each other. Had he been some kind of punishment between them, he wondered now, trying to work out why he'd ended up with both of them.

In the end, he couldn't make sense of any of it and found himself dozing off on Penny's shoulder. He hadn't said too much to her about what he and Jack had said to each other; it was too difficult on the bus with everyone listening in, so he'd just let her know that Jack had agreed for him to come, and said he'd talk to her about it later.

He woke with a jolt when the bus hissed to a stop much later that night, and blinked stupidly as Penny asked him something. "Huh?"

"We're home. Are you staying with Jack tonight, or is that out of the question still?"

Penny's concerned smile was amused enough, but there was a lingering disappointment in her eyes and Boone felt dreadful all over again. He had let her down; let Jack down; and most of all, let himself down. He had to fix things; had to make it right so that no one would end up getting hurt anymore than they already had, especially not Jack.

"I'm not sure, Penny. I… perhaps I'll just head home. I… I'm not sure Jack's ever going to trust me again.

"Oh, Boone!" Penny took Boone's hand and looked sadly into his eyes. He smiled half-heartedly at her and gazed back down the bus to where Jack was gathering up his things. "Talk to him again?"

"I don't think so," Boone replied, shaking his head. "I'll call you later in the week, okay?"

Penny nodded, still looking concerned.

Boone gave Jack one last glance and stood up to grab his duffle and swing out of his seat and off the bus before Jack or anyone else could stop him. He sniffed in the gathering twilight and looked both ways down the street. He could see a taxi in the distance, and put up his hand to hail it before he changed his mind and did something stupid.

~//~

It was late and Boone had practically no food in the apartment, but he didn't feel up to going out. Truth be told, he didn't feel hungry anyway. Where hunger should be was an empty aching hollow, and he wondered if it would ever change, the way things stood. Jack hadn't tried to stop him as he got into the taxi, and Boone hadn't looked back.

The apartment smelt musty; it had been closed up for months while he followed the tour. His mother had paid the rent while he was away or it probably would have been re-let by now. Boone glanced at the phone as he dumped his stuff and went into the tiny kitchen. He should call her; thank her for indulging him once more, but he wasn't sure now was the time. He'd probably just get a lecture for leaving his responsibilities behind again, and then she'd be asking if he was ever going to find a nice girl and settle down.

Searching the cupboards, Boone found a single can of beans and the remains of a pack of coffee and grinned lopsidedly as he plugged in the coffeemaker. Thank God for small mercies.

Maybe he should call Shannon. Who did she say she was staying with? Boone frowned and heaved a long sigh. He'd just get a lecture there too, or else she'd think Jack was to blame and start heading off to carry out her threat of cutting off his balls.

No, there was no point in calling anyone just yet. Boone found a clean-looking cup and sat down to wait for the coffee to be ready.

The shrill of the telephone almost gave him a heart attack. Who even knew he was home?

Unsteadily, Boone got to his feet and went back into the living area to answer it. He paused for a moment, trying to think who it could be, and picked it up nervously.

"Hello?"

"Oh, thank God! Penny called me; said you guys were back. You better have a good reason why I shouldn't just go see Jack right now with a big knife."

"Shannon! Don't even think about it." Boone moved the phone from his right hand to his left and unravelled the cord to take it with him into the kitchen. "It was all my fault. I let him down and… he's not gonna forgive me. Just… forget it, okay?"

He poured the coffee one-handed as she replied. "No way, idiot. I am not letting this go. If you did something stupid, you need to get down on your knees and make it right. Boone, you followed this guy for so long, hoping… What on earth made you try and ruin it so soon?"

"Shan… look, I…" He put the coffee pot down and rubbed his brow, wondering how he could explain it. "I got drunk; I made a mistake, okay? It was dumb and he has every right to hate me for it."

"What did you do? Don't tell me you let Sawyer fuck you again?"

Boone licked his lips, too guilty to answer.

"Oh Christ, Boone! You didn't? Why on earth would you let that asshole destroy something you worked so hard to get? You idiot!"

He couldn't tell her the truth; not now. She was as disappointed in him as Jack was; as he was in himself. And he knew it wasn't what he'd done so much as why. Sawyer had simply taken advantage of a situation that had already gone to hell; Boone had already been in bed with Sayid when he'd arrived, and that would never have been the case if it wasn't for the things Ben had told him; the things Ben believed to be true.

Things that probably _were_ true, if Jack's reaction was anything to go by.

"I don't want to talk about it, Shannon. I… I just need a good night's sleep; time to think about what I'm gonna do next. I'll call you tomorrow and you can beat me up about it some more then, once I'm done flagellating myself, okay?"

"Oh, Boone…"

She sounded genuinely sorry and Boone decided it just made him feel worse. She should stay angry with him; it would help him forget his sorrow.

"I'll call you tomorrow, Shannon." He hung up and went back to the coffee and his self-recriminations.

~//~//~


	20. Sayid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To Sayid's surprise, Sawyer invites him home to meet his roommates.

_I'm burnin' up, burnin' up, I'm burnin' up every night  
I'm burnin' up, burnin' up, and burnin' up can feel so right  
I see the smoke, I feel the heat, my life is going up in flames  
How could you be so indiscrete, and still be so unashamed, hey  
I'm on fire, I feel it burnin' up, I'm on fire_

'Burning Up' Bad Company

When the bus pulled into Los Angeles, Sayid watched as Boone left it, a sense of regret just brushing his thoughts. He turned to see what Jack had made of his boyfriend's departure, but Jack was busy gathering his things and didn't seem aware that Boone was even gone. Sayid huffed, disappointed. It would have been more interesting to see Jack try to follow him.

Sayid became aware of Sawyer hovering nearby. He seemed to be gathering his things too, but Sayid could tell he was waiting for Sayid to speak.

"Did you want something?" he finally said, gazing up into slightly nervous-looking green eyes.

"Uh… You got somewhere you stay in LA?"

"As it happens, no." His tone was cool; Sayid had been annoyed with Sawyer since they'd bedded Boone together, sure his attitude towards Jack when the man had appeared in the doorway that night was Sawyer's way of letting Sayid know he cared more for Jack than he'd admitted. Why he should care if Sawyer did want Jack was beyond Sayid, but he certainly wasn't about to act as if nothing untoward had happened. "Normally, I just head for the nearest motel until I work out what's happening next."

Sawyer licked his lips, then shot a glance down the bus to where Jack was talking with Penny. "Uh… just if… well, you could stay with me. I mean, if you ain't got anything organised for tonight, that is."

Sayid thought about it as he reached for his jacket. They'd barely been civil to each other the whole bus ride, but Sawyer was acting now as if he was willing to consider apologising to Sayid for his behaviour. It occurred to Sayid then that it might be interesting to see how Sawyer lived when he was at home.

Allowing his voice to become a little more conciliatory, Sayid said, "Thank you. It would save me looking for somewhere this late. A night or two at most, if you've the room."

"Yeah, no problem. I have roommates, but they're pretty easy-going about people stayin'."

Roommates? Now that was a surprise. Sayid raised his eyebrows in wonder as he followed Sawyer off the bus.

~//~

The hacienda-styled bungalow set in a grassy yard in suburban Pasadena was very different from what Sayid had expected. Somehow he'd assumed Sawyer would be an apartment dweller in some semi-fashionable part of town, not this almost conventional home in a street where your average family sent their kids to the local high school down the road. The fact that there _was_ a school just down the road practically had Sayid's head exploding as they drew to a halt in a taxi outside the house.

A light on inside confirmed that someone else lived there, and as Sawyer gave Sayid a slightly guilty look, the front door opened and a scruffy-looking man in an old sweater and ripped jeans appeared in the doorway.

"Sawyer! Man! Charlotte was just saying how you must be due back any day now. Hey, who's your friend? Come on in; don't stand out here in the dark, guys!"

Sayid raised an eyebrow at Sawyer, who was grinning from ear to ear as he followed his friend inside. Sayid adjusted the bag on his shoulder and went in after them.

"Dan, this is Sayid. He took over lead guitar when we lost Ethan. Sayid, this is Dan and his lady, Charlotte."

Sawyer gestured towards a doorway where a fair-skinned woman with long red hair wearing a softly flowing kaftan was just entering the living room. The woman smiled at Sayid and came forward to embrace Sawyer.

"Looking good, Sawyer. And welcome, Sayid. I hope you won't regret getting mixed up with this reprobate." To Sayid's surprise Charlotte had a very cultured British accent. She sounded very fond of Sawyer, Sayid thought. She let go of him and took Sayid's hand to squeeze for a moment. "I can only assume you're sleeping with him or you wouldn't be here."

Sayid was taken aback by her frankness and wasn't sure what to say beyond a murmured 'thanks' as she let his hand go. He looked to Sawyer for guidance but Sawyer was avoiding his eye, a somewhat embarrassed smile on his face.

"Come and sit down and tell us about the tour. How did you two end up in bed together?" Charlotte said, seating herself comfortably on an old couch and gesturing for them to sit on the one opposite as Dan took a place next to her. Charlotte took Dan's hand and held it on her lap.

Dan frowned lightly, but there was no anger in it. "Give them a chance, Charlotte. They've probably been travelling all day."

Sawyer patted Sayid's leg reassuringly, then took his hand back. "No big deal, guys. Give Sayid a break, huh? He's… we've been writing together. Things kinda happened, like they do."

Sayid gave him a sideways look as Dan nodded. They'd slept together before they'd written the song, not that he was about to tell these people that. He couldn't get over the disappearance of Sawyer's usual reluctance to admit he was having sex with a man.

"That explains everything," Dan said softly.

"How did Jack take it?" Charlotte looked wary.

"The song-writing or the sex?" Sawyer asked, sounding amused. "He knows I go with guys sometimes; it freaks him out, but he ain't about to do anything about it, 'specially not now he's got his own boy."

"What?" Charlotte looked amazed, and then delighted. "Who? Where's Juliet?"

Sawyer's lazy grin spread wide as he relaxed even further back into the couch beside Sayid. "The Ice Queen took a hike. From what I understand she'd waited around long enough – got a better offer. As for the boy…" He exchanged a look with Sayid that Sayid wasn't sure how to read. "You remember that pretty boy groupie that's been hanging with us for a few years? The one with the blonde sister who's been trying to jump all of us one by one?"

Dan shook his head but Charlotte smiled knowingly. "You mean the one with the crush on him? What was his name? Bobby… Bonnie… no, Boone! Don't you…" Her eyes went from Sawyer to Sayid and back, and then she changed tack completely, though Sayid was pretty sure she'd been about to say _Don't you sleep with him sometimes too?_. "So, Jack's actually sleeping with him? Bravo for him."

"Surely seems that way, although…" Sawyer's look was almost guilty this time. "He… uh, I'm not sure it's going anywhere. There was this big scene… and I think Jack mighta dumped him."

He scratched his head, eyes averted, as Charlotte narrowed her own suspiciously. "Tell me you didn't have something to do with that? And look at me when you say it."

Sayid kept his silence, watching the expressions on all three faces as Sawyer looked around the room like he was thinking of an alternative subject to take Charlotte's mind off his lack of answer.

"Sawyer? Haven't you learned your lesson?" Charlotte's face took on a blank expression, which Sayid decided meant she had more to say on the subject but wasn't about to do so in front of him. Her voice was a lot colder this time. "I'll make some tea." She stood up and left the room.

"Man…" Dan shook his head, smiling uneasily, as Charlotte left the room. "You and Jack take the cake. Still writing with him, Sawyer? Or that all over now you have a new writing partner?" He gave Sayid a careful look.

"They're still writing together too," Sayid said, emphasising the word _writing_ just enough to cast some doubt on its meaning.

Sawyer frowned at him but said nothing about the subtle implication. "There's plenty of room for all of our songs on the new album, including some by Charlie." He relaxed his expression a little, his eyes saying something Sayid couldn't quite grasp, before looking back towards Dan. "How're things going with you guys?"

"Oh, good, good," Dan nodded, "I got funding for the next year so my thesis is looking like coming together, and Charlotte's off to Mexico to do some fieldwork next month."

"Cool," Sawyer said and the two of them started talking about people who appeared to be mutual friends.

As they talked, Sayid studied Sawyer's roommate, trying to figure out the relationship; how it was that Sawyer lived with these people. Charlotte came back in the room with tea things on a tray and set it down on the table between them all as Dan and Sawyer continued their conversation. She sat down, smiling at Sayid and began to pour the tea.

"How did you meet Sawyer?" Sayid asked, unable to resist.

"Sawyer?" Her smile widened and she glanced at Sawyer for a moment before turning back to answer. "He and Dan used to play in a bar on weekends before Sawyer hooked up with Jack and the others. But Dan was never as serious about music as Sawyer was, so he went back to physics, and Sawyer… well, he and Jack started writing songs together, and the rest is history."

Sayid was intrigued and turned to study Dan again. Dan didn't look the musician-type; in fact, he looked more like the crazy professor-type, which, going by what he was saying to Sawyer now was probably right. He and Charlotte seemed well-suited, but they were not the sort of people Sayid had expected Sawyer to be so friendly with.

"So, anyway, there's this moment in time…" Dan looked sideways, stopping in mid-flow as if he'd just realised that Sayid and Charlotte were both watching him. "Hey, never mind. You guys must be tired, huh?"

"Actually, yes," Sayid agreed, sipping from the tea cup Charlotte had handed him. It was some kind of herbal tea and very good. Sayid glanced at Sawyer, savouring the taste.

"Well, don't stand on ceremony on account of us," Charlotte grinned. "Feel free to make yourself at home, Sayid. Sawyer has a very big bed and it's extremely comfortable. I'm sure you'll sleep well in it." Her eyes danced as if sleep was the last thing he'd be doing in Sawyer's bed, which probably wasn't completely wrong.

Even Sawyer was smiling at that, and Sayid found himself wondering just how much more there was about the man that he had yet to learn.

~//~

Alone in Sawyer's room some time later, Sayid placed his bag in a corner and turned to find Sawyer considering him lustily from where he leaned upon the door. Smiling coolly, Sayid took a few steps forward.

"How is it you don't have a problem admitting to these people that you sleep with men when you were so close-lipped about it on the road? And what makes you think I will sleep with you tonight?"

"Which one d'ya want me to answer first?" Sawyer pushed away from the door and moved closer, looking down at Sayid with confidence, dimples on full.

Despite his intention to make Sawyer apologise for his earlier behaviour before he gave in, Sayid felt a flare of desire weaken his resolve. He tried to maintain his air of calm indifference as he gazed back up at Sawyer.

"I didn't think you made a habit of having sex with men; your room mates seem to think differently. Do you bring a lot of your conquests back here? Did you ever bring Jack… or Boone, perhaps?"

"No. These guys have known me a long time though; knew what I was like when we moved in here." Sawyer licked his lips, studying Sayid from smouldering eyes. "Truth is…"

"What? What's the 'truth', Sawyer?"

Sawyer's smile grew and he reached out, electricity practically crackling from his fingers as he touched the ends of Sayid's hair. "I slept with them."

It wasn't as absurd as it sounded, knowing Sawyer. "With both of them, or individually?"

Sawyer's hand moved into Sayid's hair properly and Sayid was very aware of his proximity; his heat and scent sending waves of need pounding through him.

"Together. Several times. Does that make you jealous?"

Sayid laughed, trying to work up the determination to move away. "Don't be ridiculous. Why should it?" He was aware of a prickling anger behind his eyes and knew that if he wasn't careful, Sawyer would see the lie. "Isn't it more likely they'd be jealous of me?"

Sawyer quirked a lip and took a step closer. Sayid could hardly breathe, and his hands moved to Sawyer's hips of their own volition. Sawyer's hands were both in his hair now, massaging his skull and turning his face upward as his lips descended to meet Sayid's.

Heat radiated from every inch of Sayid and he opened up to Sawyer like he'd never been so hungry for him. Much as it was Sayid's natural inclination to be dominant, for once what he craved was exactly what Sawyer was now offering: the chance to give up control; to let Sawyer take the lead and decide exactly how things should go.

What they'd done together with Boone; Jack and Sawyer's unusual relationship; the conversation with Charlotte and Dan in the other room – even the band itself – all seemed so unreal at this moment. The only thing that was real was Sawyer's touch; the way his hands slid down to the open neck of Sayid's shirt and peeled it away from his burning skin; the hardness of his cock through the layers that separated them; the incredible taste of his tongue – these things were the only truth for Sayid as he gave in to Sawyer.

For all that he gave up in the instant of surrender, it wasn't fast and it wasn't painful. Sayid had rarely allowed himself to be used so – and he had been a lot younger then – but mostly, when he had given himself, it had been because he felt obliged to, and it had all happened rather quickly and with less pleasure than he would have liked. But this was very different to those times and Sayid, perhaps for the first time, found himself wanting to give more; _needing_ to prolong it.

"Christ, you're fuckin' amazing," Sawyer said at one point, buried deep inside Sayid's body, his eyes full of astonishment as he bent one of Sayid's legs higher and Sayid pulled him nearer to attack his mouth once more.

Sayid didn't let him say more, keeping his mouth occupied for the rest of their slow, easy rock of a fuck, his excitement building way beyond anything he'd imagined it could this way around. When he finally came – his cock's only friction provided by the pressure of Sawyer's belly trapping it against Sayid's – his cry was swallowed by Sawyer as he followed Sayid shudderingly over the edge.

"Jesus, fuck," Sawyer exclaimed breathily, withdrawing wetly and collapsing against Sayid. He nuzzled the damp hairs at Sayid's neck and murmured, "That was worth waitin' for."

Sayid had to agree on the inside, though he wasn't about to admit it to Sawyer. The man already thought way too much of himself. Sayid wasn't even sure why he'd let him turn things about as he had – or why he'd even agreed to sleep with him again so easily, in truth – but he didn't want to think about it too much. He was exhausted and buzzing with pleasure still, and allowing his thoughts to go into what any of it meant was too much for this late at night.

He turned his head, still breathing heavily, to say something – what, he wasn't sure – to Sawyer, but the man was already snoring softly against him. Sayid smiled wryly to himself and shifted out from under him. Unsurprisingly, Sawyer didn't stir. Sayid contemplating going out for a cigarette – or better yet, a joint – but he felt bone-tired and aching in places he hadn't been for many years.

In the end, it was easier to shift closer to Sawyer once more and fall asleep listening to his steady, even breathing.

~//~//~


	21. Charlie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack and Sawyer's antagonism is affecting everyone, and Charlie decides someone needs to be spoken to.

_It's never too late to change your mind  
Get out and take what you need  
It's never too late, so take your time  
You just gotta believe_

'Never Too Late' Bad Company

"No, no! Not like that. Can't you just get it through your damned head that it needs to be lower, softer; not so damned raunchy? It's supposed to be a love song, not an invitation to sex, Sawyer."

Jack looked at his wits' end as he burst out of the room where he and Sawyer usually wrote their songs when they needed time away from the assorted people hanging out with them. Charlie and Desmond were going over the bass line for Charlie's new song, and they stopped dead to watch as Jack crossed the room virtually at a run and disappeared out the doorway to the patio; Sawyer sauntering casually behind him until he reached the middle of the room.

"Well, it sounds like a come-on to me," Sawyer shouted after Jack. He shook his head and turned to smirk at Desmond and Charlie. "See? The stick's still firmly up there." Huffing like he wasn't surprised at the way things had gone, he wandered over to the fridge behind the bar to find a beer.

It was a week after their return to LA and the band were in the guest house at Jack's parent's place in Redwood Canyon where Jack currently lived, and where they normally practised and wrote songs. Jack's parents were fairly well off and allowed him to live rent free in the secluded modern villa.

Jack never seemed to mind any of them showing up to play or just shoot the breeze at almost any hour. They'd all taken advantage of the open door policy for a long time – some more than others – and Jack had been talking more again about converting the recreation room attached to it into a recording studio when he had enough money to do it justice, which would make it even better.

Charlie gave Sawyer a look as he moved across the room to take a seat on a worn old couch next to where Sayid was tuning a battered acoustic guitar.

"What?" Sawyer looked the epitome of innocent as he swiped a length of hair out of his eyes and gulped from the beer bottle.

"You really need to wind him up further?" Charlie asked, putting his bass down and walking over to the window to see where Jack had got to. "You don't think he's had enough crap lately?"

Jack was pacing outside, one hand scraping across his short hair, but he hadn't gone far. His expression looked grim.

Sawyer grinned again, patting Sayid's thigh casually before downing more beer. "He'll get over it."

Charlie exchanged a look with Desmond and then glanced at Sayid, who said nothing but looked tense enough to strike out at one wrong word.

Charlie wasn't sure he could make things any better, but he figured he had to at least try. Jack and Sawyer's working relationship had been even more strained than usual since they'd been back in LA. Although everyone had taken a couple of day's break from things, Jack had decided they should get together as soon as they could to work on finishing off the songs for the new album. He maintained it would be good to get moving on it while they were still all fired up from the tour, but Charlie was beginning to wonder if it wasn't too soon after all; perhaps Jack in particular was a little burnt out, especially considering happenings on the road.

Stepping out through the patio door, Charlie closed it behind him and headed across the paving stones to where Jack was still pacing unevenly.

"Jack?"

Jack looked up, lowering the hand that was still rubbing in nervous habit across his head. He looked terrible, Charlie realised; like he hadn't slept in days. "What?"

"You want us all to go; leave you alone for a while? You… you could probably use some rest. We could come back tomorrow?"

"No! No, I don't want you to leave. I…" Jack looked away, scowling, before turning an earnest look back on Charlie. "Last thing I need is to be alone right now, Charlie. Since… since Juliet left and then…" he gulped, his eyes straying like he couldn't look at Charlie, "With Sawyer playing his usual games…"

Charlie looked back towards the house for a moment; he could see Sawyer leaning towards Sayid on the couch like he was saying something intimate to him. Desmond was gazing out the window towards Charlie and Jack, a 'don't leave me alone with these two, ya bastard' expression on his face. Charlie winked at Desmond and turned back to Jack.

"I know it's none of my business, Jack, but what happened with Boone? If… if Sawyer did something, isn't it a little harsh to hold it against Boone? He really does care about you, from what I saw."

Jack's face went hard. "You're right, Charlie. It's none of your business. Just keep out of it."

Charlie took a breath, trying to keep calm. "It's affecting the band, Jack. Can't you see that? Look, I know you and Sawyer have had this love/hate relationship going for years, but the fall-out is becoming more than most of us can put up with. Des and I… we're like second-class citizens in this band some days and yet… we're the only ones keeping our personal business out of it, for the most part. One day, we'll get sick of it all and jump."

Jack blinked, looking at Charlie like he'd never considered that Charlie and Desmond could do such a thing. He flicked a look at the back of Sawyer's head before focusing back on Charlie.

"The songs that work best – and I don't even understand this myself – are the ones Sawyer and I write when we… when things aren't going so well between us. He…" Jack stopped, taking a moment to lick at his lips and gaze back in Sawyer's direction strangely before going on. "He likes winding me up because… I think he knows that. But I… I don't know how much longer I can deal with it. Boone… I like Boone, but he let me down, and after Juliet, I don't think I can take any more of that kind of pain."

"Jack…" Charlie touched Jack's arm to get his attention, studying the hurt look in his eyes. "You shouldn't let Sawyer win this. You dropped Boone for him, you know."

Jack looked up sharply, fear replacing the worry that had previously filled his eyes. "What? I… there's never… Sawyer and I…"

It was Charlie's turn to blink. He hadn't meant to suggest there was anything sexual between them, despite recent happenings.

"I didn't mean that," Charlie said quickly, although now Jack had put the thought in his head he wondered why it had never occurred to him before. "What I meant was that you blamed whatever it was that happened on Boone, even though you know it had something to do with Sawyer. The guy delights in making you dance to his tune, and you just keep on shimmying along." He wiggled his body in emphasis. "Do you really wanna let him have that?

"Look what happened on the way to Reno. Sawyer enjoyed that way more than he should have and you…" Charlie paused, looking speculatively at Sawyer's back through the window for a second, remembering the way Sawyer had talked to Jack while they all watched from inside the bus.

 _Was_ there something between them? Blinking, he realised Jack was looking at him curiously. Awkwardly, he tried to pick up where he'd left off speaking. "You let him talk you down after that fight… and now it's all gone to crap again because of something that happened with _him_ in San Francisco."

Words that hadn't made much sense came back to Charlie from the scene outside the hotel the morning they'd left San Francisco.

_  
"I didn't ask him to get onto the damned bed! He was there when I walked into the room; ask Sayid!"_

_"You didn't exactly walk away though, did you? Just have to ruin things for me, every chance you get, don't you? Why? Why can't you just let me have something good for once?"_

_"We coulda..."_

 

Something clicked inside Charlie's head and he narrowed his eyes at Jack, seeing something clearly at long last. Something that had probably _almost_ happened; something that both men had pushed away from for whatever reason: the band's reputation; worry about what people around them would think; or perhaps their own repressions about it; who knew?

He looked over his shoulder once more, noting the way Sawyer was touching Sayid's arm. "He's got Sayid now; or at least they seem pretty chummy." Sayid was gazing at Sawyer with an unguarded look of fascination as the singer explained something. Although Charlie still hadn't worked out whether the 'relationship' between them was anything more serious than a tour fling, there was something in Sayid's expression which suggested there could be. Charlie bit at his lip, watching for a moment more.

Finally, he turned back to Jack. "Boone's a good kid, Jack. He wouldn't have done something to hurt you on purpose."

"I know that."

"Then… why don't you give him another chance?"

"It's not that simple, Charlie." Jack appeared flustered as he took a step back in the direction of the house. "Just… he waited around for me all that time and then… we'd hardly been together and he ends up getting screwed by Sawyer and Sayid like it's no big thing… oh, shit!"

Charlie's eyes must have widened to the point of comedy as Jack flushed and turned away. Charlie wasn't often at a loss for words, but Boone getting fucked by both Sawyer _and_ Sayid was so not what he'd expected to hear, especially not from Jack's mouth. Jack was usually so careful what he told people; clearly he hadn't meant to let that little gem escape.

"Don't… don't tell anyone that," Jack warned, pacing uncertainly and throwing Charlie a dark look. "I… shit! What the fuck is with Sawyer, anyway? Why in hell does he pull this shit? Isn't it enough that he can fool around with any number of freaking groupies any time he wants, without getting his damned _boyfriend_ in on it and… and taking away the only thing I had that was any good?"

"Hey, Jack… I… jeez, I dunno what to say. I won't tell anyone if that's what you want. And I have no idea why he does it." Charlie had more of an idea now than he had, but he wasn't about to suggest it to Jack. "But… isn't what you're doing letting Sawyer win, all the same? You should talk to Boone, man. Just… talk. Figure something out. If it's worth having, it's worth fighting for, don't you think?"

Jack looked at him silently for a moment, and then turned an angry frown on Sawyer's back. He let his eyes slowly come back to where Charlie waited patiently to hear what he would say, like a million thoughts were going through his head at once – which they probably were, knowing Jack – and then he nodded. "Maybe you're right. Thanks, Charlie."

"Are… uh… shall we go back inside?" Charlie looked sideways and started to grin as he caught sight of Desmond's face-pulling antics inside. "Think Des is about to commit harakiri if he's left alone with those two much longer."

Jack barked a laugh as he saw Desmond go cross-eyed and mime pulling a rope around his neck. "Think you might be right about that."

They approached the door to go in, but Jack stopped Charlie before he could open it. "Does… does anyone know where Boone lives?"

Charlie smiled. That was more like it. "Ask Des; I'm pretty sure Penny has contact details for both Boone and Shannon. They got fairly friendly, in case you hadn't noticed."

The dig at Jack's powers of observation caused another blush to cross the man's face, but he managed a smile. "Thanks. Yeah; Penny's been a good friend to him."

Charlie didn't say it, but he was pretty sure Jack was thinking it: _A better friend than I've been_.

~//~//~


	22. Boone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boone has given up on being with Jack, but he may be in for more than one surprise.

_Baby, if I think about you, I think about love  
Darling, if I live without you, I live without love  
And if I had the sun and moon and they were shining  
I would give you both night and day love satisfying_

'Feel Like Making Love' Bad Company

Boone went to work at his mother's wedding planner business at her invitation. He wasn't sure what else he could do, and clearly he wasn't going to get anywhere by trying to make it up to Jack and keep hanging out with the band. It had been a week and he hadn't heard from Jack; he knew Penny had his number and would have given it to Jack if he'd asked for it.

Both Penny and Shannon had called several times and talked endlessly about how he should have tried harder to make it work, and what he could do to fix things, but Boone refused to fool himself. Ben was right; Jack would choose the band's reputation over him any day, and it didn't matter if Sawyer and Sayid were screwing each other silly right under everyone's noses, they were both cruel enough to use some poor girl as cover to blow off any rumours. Besides, it was his own fault – he should have known better than to allow what had happened with them – and the guilt wouldn't go away.

So Boone did his best to push aside his feelings for Jack and get on with his life. He needed to earn his keep, and his mother wouldn't allow him to waste his days moping around his apartment while she continued to pay the bills. She'd believed his infatuation with the band to be a 'passing phase' and had been indulgent enough already. Her words to him now indicated she thought it had run its course and he'd better start being responsible about things before he ended up on the streets.

Boone was in the wedding store talking to a woman about the flower arrangements for her daughter's upcoming nuptials and trying his best to remain focused on her convoluted explanations of how white gardenias had to be interspersed with pink carnations and lily-of-the-valley, and why that had significance to the whole family, when he happened to notice someone outside the window in his peripheral vision.

He stopped scribbling the notes he was making and frowned at the way the person was dithering outside near the door. It was probably just another nervous groom wondering whether he should throw caution to the wind and step inside, although there was something familiar about the mannerisms…

"Excuse me a moment, Mrs Gallagher," he told the woman and moved towards the door.

Leaving her gaping behind him, he gave a weak smile through the glass and waited while Jack opened the door and came inside. "I have to finish with this lady. Would you like to wait or…" he faded off, his eyes drawn in by the remorse in Jack's expression.

"Would you mind if I waited?" Jack asked, turning his apologetic look in the woman's direction.

"Of course not. Take a seat." Boone kept his own expression as blank as he could, though his heart was thumping wildly inside his chest. "Now, Mrs Gallagher, where were we?"

The woman looked at Jack and then back at him, like she knew this man was more than just another customer, but she didn't comment. "Now, you do know how important it is that all the table settings should include all three flowers, don't you?"

Boone somehow managed to navigate his way through the rest of Mrs Gallagher's instructions without looking back at Jack. It took another ten long minutes before he was finally able to usher her politely out the door with assurances that he had everything under control and she could stop worrying that the floral centrepieces would be anything less than perfect.

At the door, she gave him a strange smile, flicking a glance in Jack's direction. "I hope we haven't kept him waiting too long. Such a pity, really." Jack appeared engrossed in a bridal magazine and didn't seem to notice her words.

"A pity?" Boone asked, not understanding.

"That he'll never walk down the aisle with a pretty girl. Still, I shouldn't judge," she sniffed. "Goodbye."

Boone's mouth was still open as she walked away and the door closed behind her.

Jack stood up and Boone looked at him in surprise, still stunned by the woman's perception, not to mention the cruelty of her words.

Jack's eyes were full of fury. "She's damned right she shouldn't judge. Why on earth do people always think it's 'such a pity' or 'a waste of a man' if a guy wants to be with another guy?"

"It's okay, Jack. Let it go. I... I don't like it either, but until… until we're treated like straight couples, we'll never have the kind of understanding you're hoping for. You'll give yourself a heart attack if you get upset at every middle-aged housewife's stupidity. Does this mean… why did you come?"

Jack's expression didn't lighten at first, but when Boone said no more, he finally sighed and his brow eased. "I still don't quite get why you... did what you did, Boone, but... I can't stop thinking about you. I miss you and I need..." He stopped, looking away and licking his lips, like his rehearsed words weren't coming out quite right. He looked at Boone again and went on, whether with the planned speech or not, Boone couldn't tell, but he kept silent while Jack spoke. "People's attitudes need to change. I mean... if I hadn't been so damned afraid of people knowing what you are to me, maybe none of this would have happened. You could have come to the sound check with me that night, holding my hand proudly and just hung out with me. That has to be my fault, doesn't it?"

Boone shook his head. "None of it was your fault. I've been to sound checks before. I should have... gone with you this time too. I made the mistake... I ended up at the bar. I took what Ben said too literally and thought it would be better if I kept away when you were anywhere too public. I shouldn't have started drinking and I shouldn't have..."

"Wait, wait! What _Ben_ said? What did Ben say?"

"Shit. Does it matter? He was right, Jack!" Boone was getting agitated and he knew his face was flushing. He couldn't let Jack make a mistake; the band would suffer as a result, and their only fans would be drag queens and fag hags; definitely not what they needed if they were truly going to make it big. "No-one's going to take the band seriously if you're with me. Look what just happened! I'm so fucking obvious! Anyone could tell just by looking at me and noting how we're together all the time! It's crazy to think it can work!"

"Just slow down!" Jack held up a hand, blinking like he was trying to work things out. "What exactly did Ben say? And what makes you so damned sure you're obvious? This is a wedding planners – that woman was just reading 'stereotype' into that; there's nothing that screams 'queer' about you."

Maybe Jack was right about the woman's comments, but there was still the matter of Ben. If he made Jack hide their relationship – or worse still, choose between Boone and the band – Boone knew there was no way Jack would risk the band's reputation.

"Ben..." Boone paused, swiping hair off his forehead as he tried to work out how much to say. "He just... he said the band needs to maintain a certain air; that if people think it's too 'queer', half your demographic is gone. You won't sell records and you'll end up playing in gay bars and saunas."

Jack actually laughed at that. "I doubt we'd ever play in a sauna."

"Well, you know what I mean."

"So, did Ben warn you away from me? Is that it?"

"I guess; yeah. He's just looking out for the band, Jack. And I don't want to stop you from doing something you love. I know you've always wanted the Daze to make it up there, and you're so close now.

"I never meant to hurt you, but I was scared. Then I got drunk and I got so angry! I went to see Sayid; God knows why! I guess I let Sawyer wind me up when I saw him in the bar before that. It's no excuse; I know that, but I just... I felt like Sayid had to understand at least a little, considering how he seems to feel about Sawyer. Things got out of hand and then Sawyer came in. I don't even remember what happened after that. Maybe I was trying to... take my frustrations out on you or something; I don't know! I waited so long for you and I knew... Jesus, even if it wasn't the band, I knew you'd choose Sawyer over me..."

Jack stood still through all this, his mouth slightly open and horror growing in his eyes. "You really believe that?"

"Are you going to tell me it's not true?" Boone swallowed, trying to get it together. He wasn't crying yet, but he was damned close.

Shaking his head, Jack took a step closer. "I would never choose him over you."

"How am I supposed to believe that?"

"Because I love you."

And before Boone could do anything, Jack had taken him in his arms and was kissing him. Boone melted into his embrace; all his anger and frustration spinning out into space.

~//~

"What? You're kidding me, right? You do know that you're committing professional suicide if this gets out, don't you, Jack?"

"There's no reason it has to get out, Ben. We're not stupid; we can keep it quiet." He glared at Sawyer before turning back to Ben. "But the band needs an assistant and we could use someone like Boone. He's got the background and skills to be really effective in the job. Come on, you know it makes sense! I can't keep doing all this stuff myself in my 'spare time'."

"Maybe not, but let me find someone suitable. A woman, even." Ben ran a hand over his short hair agitatedly and looked from Jack to Sawyer across the desk.

"Now, that's more like it," Sawyer drawled, grinning from ear to ear. "You can fuck your pretty boy all you like, Jack, but you have him in our pockets on a daily basis like you're suggestin' by giving him the job of personal manager... you're askin' for trouble. Won't be long before someone adds things together and next thing... poof! We're on the cover of 'Out' magazine and no one in the serious rock business will touch us! I tell you, I ain't going the make-up and dresses route to take advantage of that."

Jack snorted. "Look, no one needs to know anything! I'm not about to announce it to the world, and Boone's been with us all tour anyway; people are used to seeing him about. And if we get a woman, how long before you eat her alive?" He glared at Sawyer meaningfully.

"I wouldn't say no to eatin' her if she's sexy enough." Sawyer licked his lips, causing Jack to grimace and turn back to Ben.

"Give Boone a chance, Ben. You know as well as I do, it wouldn't matter who we got for the job, Sawyer'd have them running after him like they were his personal lapdog and the rest of the band would end up picking up the slack. At least you know Boone's not likely to go there again..." He offered Sawyer a look of warning. "No matter what."

Ben sighed and leaned over his desk, tapping a pencil and studying it distractedly as he considered things. "Okay, okay, call him in. I'll give him a month's trial. If he can keep all of you organised, deals with all the day-to-day humdrum without having to run to me for assistance every five minutes, and ensures you get to where you should be on time, as well as making sure no one ends up anywhere they shouldn't, I'll consider having him on staff permanently."

"Hey!" Sawyer frowned angrily. "You can't be serious. There's no way-"

Ben turned his most serious expression on Sawyer – the one that said he didn't take kindly to being disagreed with – stopping Sawyer mid-sentence. "If you could keep your paws off _anyone_ , I'd be inclined to look for someone else, Sawyer. But, much as I hate to admit it, Jack's right; you have no scruples and I know that you'd end up screwing with their head as well as their body, even if I find someone who looks like King Kong's sister. Besides, you have your own secrets to keep. Perhaps it's as well to have someone who knows them already and won't be inclined to spill to the press if things get rough."

Sawyer shut his mouth with an audible gulp and Jack just smiled.

~//~

At first Boone couldn't understand why Ben was offering him a job, but Jack assured him he needed help to keep the band in order and that Ben had enough to do in dealing with promoters and record executives and accountants without dealing with their day to day needs too. Jack said these things would be much better dealt with by someone who didn't have all that business stuff on their minds, and who knew the band's foibles and could easily deal with the crap that some of them threw. Boone took this to mean Sawyer, for the most part.

Of course he didn't completely like it, but Boone understood Jack's need to keep their relationship out of the public eye; it was way too soon for many of their mostly male young adult fans to accept that the leader of this oh-so-manly band could possibly be gay. They told everyone who needed to know within the organisation and, of course, their relatives – some of whom took it better than others – and Boone consoled himself with knowing that once Constant Daze had negotiated their way a little further up the ladder of rock supremacy, Jack would come out to the world and be a leading role model for gay rights.

He was convinced things were only going to get better once the world heard the songs Constant Daze had started to record for the new album; even the ones Sawyer and Sayid had come up with together were fantastic. Jack had written a few with Charlie as well as the usual few singles with Sawyer, and he'd written one amazing power ballad alone – which he said was for Boone (to his pride) – that was being released as their next single and already showing pre-sale figures that Ben said were better than they'd managed before.

Being the band's personal manager was a full-time job, as it turned out. Jack handed over to Boone a lot of the responsibilities he'd previously dealt with himself in addition to being the main co-writer and de facto leader of the band. Boone dealt with all sorts of minor details that Jack didn't need to have interrupting the creative flow. After working for his mother's company, it was a natural enough progression and certainly within Boone's capabilities. Besides that, he enjoyed it more, the pay was actually better, and of course, he got to be with Jack most of the time.

The band members were used to having Boone around, so most of them didn't say much beyond welcoming him as a permanent member of the entourage. Penny and Shannon were both delighted that Boone and Jack had made things up and that the job meant he could stay with Jack all the time. Even Sayid, apart from looking slightly surprised initially, seemed friendly towards him and acted more relaxed about the situation than Boone had thought he might, although he was guessing that Sayid's attitude had a lot more to do with the fact that it meant Jack wouldn't be as interested in Sawyer as he had been, than anything else – not that Sayid or Sawyer were anywhere near acknowledging openly what they were to each other.

Sawyer, on the other hand, seemed to be the only one with a sour taste in his mouth, and that wasn't altogether upsetting to Boone, though he tried not to gloat.

One afternoon a couple of months down the track, after a recording session at the studios they used, Boone was getting drinks for the band from the kitchen to take back to the engineer's room where they were all listening to that morning's takes. He turned with the tray in hand, about to walk out the door, when Sawyer entered.

Looking sultry if somewhat angry, Sawyer stood there for a moment, like he was thinking of an appropriate insult.

"What?" Boone asked, moving forward from where he'd paused. It was a mistake to engage the man in this, Boone knew, but he was curious about Sawyer's thoughts on the situation now Jack was properly on Boone's side.

"Just wondering how you got him to flip so easily, California."

"Flip? You mean forgive me for something that was essentially your fault?" Boone narrowed his eyes, studying the look of speculation in Sawyer's.

"No," Sawyer shook his head, standing firmly in the doorway so Boone couldn't go around him without fear of spilling the drinks. "He's always been so damned up-tight and well... fucking straight. Never thought he'd choose to be with you in a million years."

"You obviously don't know him as well as you thought."

"I know him well enough." Sawyer's eyes took on a gleam of something Boone didn't quite get, but it could have been desire. "The whole up-tight asshole thing is usually a front for a closet case. I just didn't figure on him being open enough to admit it to himself and take up with someone like you."

Boone huffed, amused, but refused to allow Sawyer's dig to disconcert him. After all, Jack had told him about the _one_ encounter he'd had with Sawyer and even though he'd been in love with Sawyer once, it was pretty evident now that it no longer mattered. "You thought it was okay to screw around with me; at least he won't treat me like crap the way you always did. And Jack doesn't care what you do with Sayid, so don't think you can make him dance the same way you did when you were screwing me."

Sawyer's brow creased, anger lurking deep in his blue-green eyes, but he still had that superior air about him, like he knew something Boone didn't. "You think he was upset because I was screwing _you_? Maybe it wasn't _me_ he was jealous of."

This time Boone laughed out loud, despite what he knew about how things had been. "If you think that's true, you really don't know Jack well. He told me about your one sordid little encounter, by the way, and it doesn't bother me in the least." That wasn't strictly true, but Boone wasn't about to let Sawyer know that. "He'll write songs with you, Sawyer, but he'll never do anything sexual with you ever again. You may as well get used to the idea."

"Who says I want that? Shit!"

Sawyer was trying not to look taken aback and failing miserably. Boone quirked his lip up, knowing he'd surprised Sawyer this time; he evidently didn't think Jack had told Boone about their past.

"Why don't you go talk to Sayid, Sawyer? He still wants you if I'm any judge, and even if you two are fucking regularly, I'm betting neither of you have admitted it's more than fooling around. You want to protect your precious reputation way too much. At least Jack's been honest, and so far it doesn't seem to be hurting sales."

"Fuck off, pretty boy! Sayid's a distraction and nothing more! And you better watch yourself." He moved forward, menace in his movements. "You fuck up what the Daze has got going, Jack'll drop you faster than a hot potato. Me? I'll still be around when you're long forgotten." He stretched the word 'long' in a most disconcerting way.

Suddenly, Sayid appeared behind him, eyes blazing, and Boone wasn't sure who he was most frightened of for a moment. Then Jack turned up in the background and Boone took a worried breath, wondering how much they'd heard.

Sawyer spun around, seeing Boone's expression, and started to say something, but Jack interrupted him before he could get a word out. "The only hot potato here is you, asshole. You think you could make it alone? Because I'm not so sure. And..." Jack's eyes shifted from the angry daggers being aimed at Sawyer to a warm honesty directed towards Boone. "I'm not letting anything ruin what we've got this time, Boone. If the Daze is finished, so be it, but you and me? As far as I'm concerned that's rock solid."

He looked back at Sawyer's stunned expression. "You got that? Now shut your damned mouth and don't ever let me hear you trying to intimidate Boone again, though I have to say he was doing a reasonable job of setting you straight..." Laughing, he took the tray from Boone as they moved towards the door together. "Not that you'll probably appreciate the irony of that."

Boone glanced at the disturbed look on Sayid's face and then at Sawyer's brooding countenance before grinning back at Jack. "I love you."

Jack glanced over his shoulder at the other two now facing off in the kitchen behind them, and then shifted the drinks tray so he could kiss Boone, uncaring of the others now gathering in the hallway in front of them. "Love you too."

Penny let out a cheer and the others all clapped as Boone flushed bright red in embarrassed pleasure. There was little doubt who had won that battle.

Boone finally felt like everything was going to be all right.

~//~


	23. Sayid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sayid tries to establish where he stands with Sawyer.

_Life is like a carousel; you aim for heaven  
And you wind up in hell  
To all the world you're livin' like a king  
But you're just a puppet on a broken string_

'Crazy Circles' Bad Company

"A _distraction_ , am I?"

"Fuck! What do you want me to say? That I'm in love with you?" Sawyer sneered, glaring at Sayid.

The sting of the words – ones that could have sounded very different – didn't make Sayid feel any better about what he'd just witnessed. They were in the kitchen of the studio still, a few moments after Jack and Boone had left. Everyone else had followed Jack and his lover back down the hallway to the sound booth. Sayid's anger fuelled an intense need to hit something, but he kept still, his face hopefully passive, as he balled his fists and kept them rigidly by his sides.

"I've never asked for more than you were willing to give, which evidently isn't much."

"You know damned well that I ain't about to go Jack's route. Neither are you. This band has a reputation to keep and no matter what Jack or his pretty boy think, having rumours about us out there ain't gonna make for better sales or get us to the top. Bowie and his followers may have allowed for a revolution of sorts, but it won't help us. Our fans ain't the same; we need the rednecks. Besides, I like girls."

Sayid narrowed his eyes; whether Sawyer 'liked' girls was questionable considering how little he actually put into anything beyond fucking them, but then Sayid supposed he didn't do much better with men on the whole. "I happen to like fucking women too; very much so, in fact. More than I like fucking you, I suspect. Perhaps I'll find one tonight." Sayid hoped that his words hit home. He'd been fucked over once too often by Sawyer.

"Good; you should. And while we're at it, don't come back to my place later. I'll probably have a chick with me."

Whether his own words had had the right effect Sayid couldn't tell, but Sawyer's slammed into him like a ton of bricks. He hadn't stayed at Sawyer's home beyond a couple of days after they arrived back in LA, but he'd gone over there almost every night since. His own modest one-room apartment was a necessity if he was to think and write music without getting dragged into the fiery interactions between Jack and Sawyer; no matter that Jack wasn't at Sawyer's very often. Sayid had discovered very quickly that Jack's name was seldom out of conversation for long with Sawyer; especially with two such close friends of both men living with him.

And Daniel and Charlotte, Sayid found, drove him crazy, no matter how encouraging they seemed to be of his own 'relationship' with Sawyer. Every time one of them touched Sawyer Sayid remembered the man's words about sleeping with both of them and a furious fire of jealousy swept through him. He didn't ask for it and he didn't want it, but he couldn't seem to stop it, though he kept it firmly under wraps – or so he hoped. The last thing he needed was for any of them to realise the extent of his interest in Sawyer, especially Sawyer himself.

Much as Sawyer had been welcoming enough in having Sayid with him – and there was no doubting the sex was fantastic – he wouldn't say anything to satisfy Sayid's need to know that he was as wanted or as necessary as Sawyer was becoming to him. And until then, Sayid wouldn't admit his own feelings had deepened beyond the lust he'd felt initially.

"Suits me fine. Just don't expect me to come running next time one of your girls isn't enough for you," Sayid snapped, backing out of the doorway and turning before Sawyer could see any sign in his eyes of the growing pain he was feeling behind the anger.

"I won't," Sawyer hurled down the hallway after him as Sayid retreated, the battle distinctly lost. "I'm sure two girls would be easier to handle. I can always get that."

The fire burned hot again, rage sizzling behind Sayid's eyes. It took every ounce of his willpower not to turn and attack Sawyer physically. Without a word, he slammed out of the building and didn't stop.

It was going to take more than one hard, mindless fuck against the wall somewhere stupid to get the bastard out of his system, but it would be worth it, Sayid told himself as he headed for the nearest bar.

~//~

Sayid had spent most of the last week in bed with a blonde groupie who had recognised him in the bar. They hadn't talked much; he'd kept her mouth fairly occupied for the entire time they were together, or else he'd been asleep. He'd kept his mind off Sawyer; or if he had headed towards such thoughts he'd rolled another joint or fucked Stephanie again.

His arm tightened around her shoulder as they walked into Jack's pool house and he caught sight of Sawyer and Jack engaged in what looked like an in-depth conversation against one wall. Pretty Boone was laughing with Penny across the room, although Sayid noted his eyes strayed towards Jack as he nodded at something Penny said.

Good; the boy was still wary about those two.

Desmond and Charlie were talking over the drum kit set up in one corner and Claire was bent over by the fridge, retrieving a bottle of something cool. Sayid smiled at her as she straightened up, catching his eye.

So only Sawyer was alone today. Even better.

"Hi Sayid," Claire said as he approached, then turned to smile at Stephanie. "I'm Claire; Charlie's girlfriend." She held out a hand and took Stephanie's as Sayid let her go.

"Stephanie. I can't believe I'm here with Constant Daze!" Stephanie gushed, gawking around the room and biting her lip in wonder as she focused on Jack and Sawyer. "Hey Sayid, can I meet them?"

"Of course. Let me introduce you."

He smiled at Stephanie and wrapped an arm back around her shoulder to lead her across the room. Feeling Sawyer's eyes on him, he leaned in to kiss her tenderly, like she was more than some slut he'd picked up in a bar. She responded eagerly, and then smiled widely at Jack – who had turned from where he'd been facing Sawyer to look at them in wonder – before turning her simpering on Sawyer.

"Hey pretty lady," he drawled, "You wanna meet the band?"

"This," Sayid said stonily, unable to stop the anger in his eyes, "is Sawyer, as if you didn't know, and Jack. Gentlemen, this is Stephanie. She has been a fan of our music for some time."

"Oh, gosh, oh yeah! I bought your first album and… well, you guys are terrific! I'm so glad you have Sayid playing with you now instead of Ethan or I'd never have had this chance to meet you."

Jack only smiled and nodded, but Sawyer stepped closer and took her hand, effectively removing her from Sayid's touch. He smiled widely, showing a lot of teeth and asked, "May I?" looking straight at Sayid.

It would have seemed rude to refuse, but in any case, the look Sawyer directed at Sayid said so much more than any words could. Possibly no one else would see it, but Sayid was beginning to understand what Sawyer's jealousy looked like. The charming smile and warmth in Sawyer's darkening eyes could easily be mistaken for a lusty interest in the attractive girl he was escorting across the room to meet Desmond and Charlie, but Sayid knew better now. A sense of triumph started making its presence felt inside his chest.

He smiled at Jack, ignoring Sawyer for now. "What's on the agenda for today, Jack?"

Jack flicked a curious look at Sawyer and the girl before returning his attention to Sayid. "What was that all about?"

"I don't know what you mean. Stephanie and I have been… seeing each other recently; she wished to meet the rest of the band and Sawyer seems happy to introduce her." Sayid wrinkled his brow thoughtfully, and then turned to watch them too. "You don't think he'll try to steal her, do you?"

Jack huffed, eyes straying back across the room as Charlie started speaking to Stephanie. "With Sawyer, who knows?"

Sayid frowned, but inside his confidence grew. He doubted Sawyer was even remotely interested in her.

~//~

"Get rid of her."

Sawyer had Sayid pressed up hard against the wall in the bathroom, his fingers delving into the low waist of Sayid's jeans as he growled the words into Sayid's ear and ran his tongue along the rim of it.

"She came all this way to meet you," Sayid got out, purposely trying not to respond. "It would be rude of me to tell her to leave." His cock was rigid against Sawyer's thigh, which was pressed firmly between his legs.

"You don't give a crap about her," Sawyer breathed, then his mouth was on Sayid's, seeking out the heat Sayid couldn't help but let him into.

It was some minutes before Sayid could take in enough air to answer. "What makes you think that?"

Sawyer's eyes glittered as he smiled from mere inches away. "You wouldn't be lettin' me do this if you did." His hand had untucked Sayid's shirt and was stroking the skin over Sayid's hip in an almost orgasm-inducing way. Sawyer knew how sensitive Sayid was just there and was milking it for all he could.

"I've been fucking her all week; why... do you... think I haven't been coming over to your place?" Sayid's words were choppy; Sawyer's fingers shifting downward and his lips against Sayid's neck were making it difficult to breathe.

"She's a distraction?" Sawyer laughed, throwing the over-used words at him as if the meaning had suddenly changed.

Sayid was desperate for more of what Sawyer wanted, but he knew he couldn't give in so easily. Those words had hurt when Sawyer had used them about Sayid to Boone. Making light of that wasn't helping anything. Struggling, Sayid managed to free himself from Sawyer's grasp and stood looking at him, chest heaving with the effort.

Smiling uncertainly, Sawyer raised a hand to rub it against his stubble. Sayid knew his erection was probably highly obvious in the pants he wore and his eyes dropped to where Sawyer's was no less visible.

"C'mon, Sayid, you made your point. Tell her to get lost; then you and I can get back to doin' what we do best." He took a step towards Sayid, hands out in a conciliatory gesture.

Sayid backed away, shaking his head. "I'm not doing this now, Sawyer. And what is it we do best? Fight? Write songs? Play music?"

"You sure as hell look like you ain't against it." Sawyer ignored the question, quirking an eyebrow and dropping his gaze to Sayid's still-rigid cock.

"I don't care," Sayid replied. "I’m not playing your games. I came with a woman today, Sawyer, and I intend leaving with her."

Sawyer laughed, low and dirty, and took a step forward, reaching out to cup Sayid's cock before he'd realised Sawyer's intention. "So you 'came' with her. You can 'come' with me too, then drop her off somewhere before _leavin'_ with me."

Pushing Sawyer's hand away – no matter that he desperately wanted it where it had been – Sayid stepped back further, and growled, "You think I'll fall into bed with you any time you beckon? I'm not one of your groupies. Get out of my way."

Sawyer snorted, but stepped aside. "Fine, have it your way. But you can't hide what you really want from me. My best advice? Ditch the bitch now, because you'll be back sooner or later, begging for my cock."

Sayid could hardly deny how turned on he was, but at least he could retain his self-respect. "If I come looking for you, Sawyer, it will be on my terms."

Sawyer spun as Sayid stepped past him. "Your terms? What the fuck does that mean?"

"It means that I may fuck you when I want to, but don't start thinking I can't do without you."

Giving Sawyer one last triumphant smile, Sayid walked away, resisting the urge to adjust his cock while Sawyer watched. Sawyer's expression had been questioning, if not disappointed.

~//~

"Come on, Stephanie, I need to get out of here," Sayid said, placing a gentle hand under her elbow to lead her away from where she was watching Jack play something new on the piano. Boone flicked a concerned look in their direction, but no one else seemed interested. They were all caught up in whatever it was Jack was demonstrating.

"Sayid! This is amazing! I want to stay." Stephanie pouted prettily at him.

He leaned closer to her ear, aware that Sawyer had emerged from the hallway to the bathroom behind them and was standing against the wall, watching. "I'll show you something amazing if you come with me right now." He slid his hand to hers and moved closer so he could place her fingers on his still-strong erection. The group in front of them were focused on Jack and didn't notice, but he was fairly sure Sawyer's eyes were boring jealous holes in his back.

Giving him exactly the reaction he needed, Stephanie smiled sexily into his eyes and squeezed lightly, making him hiss. Damn, he needed to get her panties off right _now_! Checking the others briefly, he shifted her hand into his and led her away from the group. Sawyer eyed them silently as they passed him and went into the room Jack and Sawyer used for song-writing.

Sayid shut the door and led Stephanie to the couch in the corner, kissing her briefly and lowering her onto the over-stuffed old thing before rapidly undoing his fly and freeing his hard cock.

It took longer and wasn't nearly as satisfying as Sayid had hoped, and he had to close his eyes and think of Sawyer, naked and sweaty under him, to make himself go over the edge, but Stephanie didn't seem to care. Whatever he'd done for her – minimal though it was – seemed to satisfy her, and he pulled away, buttoning himself back into place without looking at her.

The door behind him clicked open and he spun his head, heart thudding in disgust at what he'd just done. Sawyer leaned against the door jamb, eyeing him darkly for a second before smiling in Stephanie's direction. Sayid looked back towards her as she sat up awkwardly on the couch, tugging her dress into place. Her panties still lay on the floor at his feet where he'd dropped them.

"Hey, pretty lady; you need anything else?"

The offer was evident in Sawyer's tone and Sayid swung back to face him angrily. But before he could say anything in her defence, Stephanie replied, her own offer all too eager, "Is there anything _you_ need?"

Sayid felt his eyes widen but he didn't turn again. Instead, he cleared his throat, looking directly into Sawyer's eyes, sensing the anger behind his apparent nonchalance.

He offered his own challenge. "I'll be outside. I need a cigarette." With that, he stepped around Sawyer and closed the door as he left them together in the room.

~//~

Outside, Sayid leaned against the wall, out of view of the windows, his disappointment and anger simmering. He reached for his pouch and found one of the joints he'd rolled earlier. With hands calmer than they had a right to be, he pulled a lighter from a jacket pocket and lit up. Sucking the air deep into his lungs, he held it in as long as he could as he tried not to picture what Sawyer and Stephanie were doing now.

Finally, he had to let it out and rolled his shoulders as he told himself how little she meant. To either of them. He and Sawyer would keep doing this, he realised with a moment of astounding clarity. It was all a show they put on for the rest of the band, – and the world too – and neither of them knew how to fight their way out of the bullshit.

He took another long drag, letting the effects of the drug still his aching mind for a moment. He envied Jack and Boone for their ability to get past the things that were constantly dished out to people in their situation. While their relationship was not openly discussed, it was evident to everyone in the know, and while they might never admit it in words, not even the fans could miss it if they looked closely enough.

Sawyer would never risk such a thing, no matter how tied he was to Jack, and certainly not with Sayid. The girls would always be a cover for him; perhaps always had been. Sayid was convinced he and Jack had been having sex all the time they were writing together until Boone had inadvertently confirmed Sawyer's words that it had happened only once. Why he believed that so easily now, he wasn't sure; it was something about the fact that if Jack had lied to Boone then it wouldn't have seemed so in line with what Sawyer had previously told Sayid.

And yet, Sayid was convinced that Sawyer preferred men; even as much as he was now admitting to himself that he did. So, if Jack and Sawyer hadn't been sleeping together all this time, what was it that bound them?

Letting more air out, Sayid almost jumped at the quiet voice breaking into his thoughts.

"It's a harder addiction to fight than you thought, isn't it?" Boone asked, leaning next to him and deftly removing the joint from between Sayid's fingers. He put it to his own lips as Sayid turned to look at him.

He wasn't talking about the drug.

"Is that why you kept going back to his bed?" Sayid asked, curious.

Boone chuckled as he handed the pot back, letting the air out of his mouth slowly. He had changed since the last time they'd shared a joint.

"It was never Sawyer I was there for, though he... did have a certain charm."

"Charm? Is that what it is? I suppose Jack must have thought so too."

For no apparent reason, Sayid remembered the time on tour when Jack had lost it and hit Sawyer in that little backwater place and later, how Sawyer had talked with him beside the bus after he'd had time to cool down, while the rest of them had waited and watched out the window. They had seemed so intimate then, fuelling Sayid's belief that their relationship had always been sexual.

"Jack... Jack was in love with him. He'd have done anything Sawyer wanted, I think, if Sawyer had shown he was capable of love in return."

Sayid turned to study Boone, taking another drag before speaking. It hadn't occurred to him that Jack had actually been in _love_ with Sawyer. He wondered if what Sawyer felt for Jack could be called that.

"Does he still love him?"

"Love," Boone said, as if tasting the word. "I don't think he'll ever stop loving him, but he's not _in love_ with him any more. There's a difference. Which one fits how you feel about him?"

Sayid smoked some more before passing the joint back to Boone. He wasn't sure he wanted to answer the question. "Why would anyone love him?" he asked instead.

Boone shook his head lightly, drawing smoke into his lungs.

"I thought I was like him," Sayid admitted, accepting the joint back and squeezing the tip off. "But I'm not really. Despite her." Sayid gestured vaguely back towards the door, but Boone knew who he meant. Stephanie was representative of all the women who had hung around the band, and especially Sawyer.

"No, you're not like him at all." Boone laughed – although not cruelly – looking prettily up from under his lashes. Sayid wished for a second that he had fallen for Boone rather than Sawyer.

"What's so funny?"

"I thought you were at first. That you'd screw anyone over as easily as he does, but… you ended up being the one getting screwed, didn't you?"

For a frightening second, Sayid thought he meant literally; that somehow Boone knew he and Sawyer had reversed places in bed recently. But then he remembered that Boone couldn't know who did what to whom; not unless Sawyer had told him, anyway, but Sayid doubted he would have.

"It won't end as happily for him and I as it has for you and Jack, if that's what you mean?"

"Something like that," Boone said with a certain amount of sorrow in his voice. "I'm sorry." He gave Sayid a sad smile and shifted off the wall before walking slowly back towards the door.

Sayid sighed into the air and closed his eyes. Boone was right; the addiction was hard to fight; no matter how destructive. Somehow, he knew he wasn't going to give Sawyer up just yet, despite his better judgment.

~//~//~


	24. Charlie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some time has passed since the last chapter and Charlie makes a few observations about the current state of affairs.

_Put up the spotlights one and all  
And let the feelin' get down to your soul  
The music's so loud you can hear the sound  
Reachin' for the sky and churnin' up the ground _

_It's all part of my rock 'n roll fantasy  
It's all part of my rock 'n roll dream_

'Rock 'n Roll Fantasy' Bad Company

_Two years later_

"Look! I can see land," Claire practically squealed in her excitement. "Charlie, this is so great! Going to Australia with the Daze and you and Aaron; it's the best present ever!" She kissed the top of the head of the small child in her lap and squeezed Charlie's hand tight.

"I know, love," he smiled back at her and used his free hand to stroke Aaron's blond curls. "If you'd said to me five years ago that this was where I'd be now: the bass player in one of the world's favourite rock bands and on my way to play in front of a fifty-thousand-strong audience at a stadium gig in Sydney, Australia – not to mention being a husband and father – I wouldn't have believed it. It's incredible."

"Mum's going to freak out when she sees the guys, but she's going to love having us there. And Aaron will love his nana; I know he will."

"She'll love him too; not so sure about me."

Claire smiled indulgently into his eyes. "She came to the wedding, Charlie! She didn't even blink when I told her I was already pregnant. She likes you just fine."

"You're just saying that. She probably thinks I'm some kind of evil monster who dragged her beautiful daughter away to a life of sex, drugs and rock'n roll."

Claire laughed, causing a few heads to turn in their direction. Charlie made a face at Aaron who had turned in his mother's lap to blink uncertainly at Charlie. He giggled and reached for his father's scraggy beard with one chubby fist.

"Your nana's gonna tell me to shave it off, I bet. You think I should too, huh?" Charlie wiggled his eyebrows and crossed his eyes, making Aaron laugh again.

"Might go some way towards making you look respectable," Desmond said from the seat behind.

"Oh, you can talk, you scruffy excuse for a dog's dinner," Charlie threw back over the seat.

"Now, now, boys; settle down," Penny put in, exchanging a smile with Claire over the other seatback. "Won't be long before you'll have a reason to look respectable too, Des." She patted her own swelling stomach gently. He leaned in to kiss her and put his hand over hers.

"Now ain't that sweet. All the mommas and daddies and their babies. Hope you don't expect all of us to go the domestic route now?" Sawyer quirked an eyebrow from his seat across the aisle, spreading his long legs further outward.

Next to him, Sayid offered a bored look away from his magazine for a moment, then raised it to hide his expression. Charlie just grinned and went back to making faces at Aaron. No matter how much those two protested, they were as firmly ensconced in each other's domestic life as he and Desmond were with their wives, or Jack was with Boone.

So they weren't announcing it to all and sundry, and there were times when they couldn't stand each other and they'd both go off with some pretty groupie or other for a while, but that didn't mean it was any less true. Right now seemed to be one of the good times between them – it was funny how touring seemed to bring them closer together – and neither had paid much attention to any of the girls hanging around after their stateside concerts, although Charlie couldn't help wondering if Sawyer would be interested in checking out the pretty Aussie girls. He'd certainly checked out the birds when they'd done their European tour earlier in the year – much to Sayid's obvious annoyance (even though he too had fooled around with them enough himself once he saw Sawyer at it) – although the redneck in Sawyer had professed to prefer the ones who spoke English.

Sayid joining in on the screwing around seemed to make both of them more volatile. The hostility between writing pairs used to be reserved for Sawyer and Jack, but that took a backseat these days to how things were between Sawyer and Sayid, which would amuse all of them more if it wasn't for the fall-out from the fights.

The two of them had had one of the worst clashes ever in London one night, although that somehow ended up getting reported as the two fighting over one particular model-type who'd caught the attention of the press. That part had made Charlie and Desmond laugh; they'd been in the hallway of the hotel when that particular brawl erupted, and the girl was the one who'd ended up going home alone. Charlie wondered how much Ben had paid her to stop her spouting details of the argument to the reporters. They were pretty sure Ben was the one who'd made the mess go away; the last thing he would want was stories of his two biggest draw-cards 'kissing and making up' for real, though Desmond reckoned the girl had been too distraught at the time to actually witness the kiss itself.

Ben had warned them about being so public with their spats and, more especially, with the make-up afterward, which would be even more damaging than the fights if anyone observant witnessed it. While hotel-wrecking made the legend appear larger than life and went along with every other band in their league, he knew it was when they tended to let their guard down the most, and no-one wanted Constant Daze to end up as some kind of queer joke. Sawyer and Sayid had both toned things down a bit since then, though Charlie had once come upon them alone in a backstage storeroom. Thanking his lucky stars he'd backed away as he realised what they were doing, he could barely look at either one the next day for fear of the vision coming back all too clearly of Sawyer's head tipped back in ecstasy and Sayid with his hand down the front of Sawyer's leather pants.

Blinking that thought away with a shudder, Charlie remembered a conversation between Jack and Sawyer a few months ago. After some of what had happened in the past couple of years, he had wondered whether there had been something going on with them before Boone entered the picture, but there hadn't been anything to properly confirm it until this one incident that he had managed to overhear – initially by accident.

~//~

Charlie had gone back to get something he'd forgotten at Jack's later in the day after a practice. He hadn't expected anyone to be there apart from Jack and possibly Boone, but the guest house was quiet, although unlocked – the band usually came in the back way and it was often open even when Jack was in the main house – so he thought nothing of going straight in to fetch the notes to a song he was working on.

Sudden voices from Jack and Sawyer's 'music room' startled him and he was just about to leave them to it, thinking he'd interrupted one of their more intense arguments about a song they were writing when a single sentence caught his attention.

"If you hadn't been so fucking repressed back then, maybe instead of just jerking each other off, we could have gone the whole way. Made something of it."

Charlie blinked and froze. Now that was interesting. Sawyer's voice sounded rough and full of something Charlie hadn't heard from him before: regret.

"Me? You're blaming that on me? You wouldn't even look at me the next day and you couldn't have been any faster in dragging a willing girl into your bed if you tried. What the hell was I supposed to think?"

"Okay, so I wasn't exactly easy about it, but you knew I wanted it; wanted you."

"How was I supposed to know that?"

Sawyer snorted, and Charlie could almost imagine the look on his face. "You pushed me away every time I came on to you."

"What are you talking about, Sawyer? If you mean the times you suggested we share a girl, that wasn't coming on to me."

Sawyer had obviously given up with that approach. "Fuck it, Jack, what's so damned special about Boone anyway?"

Jack laughed. "He's everything you're not, for starters. You certainly took him to bed enough times; didn't you ever talk to him?"

"He was a good fuck. We didn't get into conversations unless..." Sawyer stopped, like he realised something he hadn't thought of before. "We only ever talked about you."

"Look, Sawyer, I have no idea why you suddenly seem so damned interested in raking up something that never got off the ground. Boone and I are happy, and you have all the groupies you can fuck when Sayid's not playing ball."

Sawyer's growl was low and sounded more hurt than Charlie could ever recall hearing from him. "Don't fuckin' bring up Sayid. He's not... we don't... Look, if it wasn't for Boone, I wouldn't even have... shit, Jack! Don't you get it? I know you still have feelings for me."

Things went quiet, although a soft sound from what Charlie could only assume was probably Jack made him wonder if they were kissing. He stepped backwards, thinking to leave while they were occupied and perhaps wouldn't hear him, but then he heard the slap of a hand on flesh and he stopped dead.

"No, Sawyer; no! You always think you can do whatever you want! It's not happening this time. I love Boone; do you get that? No matter what I felt for you – and I mean that in the past tense – I'm not about to risk what I have with him for some kind of rollercoaster ride between you and Sayid and whatever girls you need to use to prove you're not gay! I finally figured out what I want and it's not _you_. Now leave, or I will."

Charlie sprang into action, grabbing his notes and taking off before either of them could walk out and catch him listening. The whole exchange had been most interesting, if somewhat unexpected.

~//~

Charlie huffed to himself at the memory, letting his eyes wander to where Jack and Boone's heads were bent over a new copy of Rolling Stone together a couple of rows ahead of the terrible twosome.

Jack's attitude had served him well.

Jack and Boone couldn't be more opposite to Sawyer and Sayid. Jack had become much more relaxed and open with the band since he'd taken up with Boone, and Boone – the band's personal assistant for the past two years – had easily fitted in to the life of a rock-star's significant other. Penny and Claire both adored him, and he appreciated and enjoyed the music enough to have proper conversations with Charlie and Desmond about it, as well as about a surprising number of other things. Even Sayid got on with him well enough; it was a pity Sawyer could only manage the barest civility. Charlie put that down to Sawyer's jealousy; had he done things better when he'd been in a position to do so, _he_ might have ended up with Boone – or, probably more to his liking, Jack – as his constant companion.

Claire nudged Charlie. "Are you hoping they'll kiss?"

"Eh, what?" he asked, breaking his private reverie and giving her a startled look.

"You've been looking at Jack and Boone with such a look of avid fannishness, I thought maybe you'd joined Penny's crowd too."

"What crowd is that?" he asked, creasing his forehead in curiosity.

"Penny's been trying to convince them to come out for real; you know, announce their relationship to the world. She adores that their love story managed to overcome all the bumps and hassles of Sawyer and Juliet, and every other thing that makes it rough for gay guys along the way, and actually have a happy ending. She thinks they're a shining example of how believing in something can actually make it happen, not to mention that if you love someone enough – even if you're having issues with the whole gay thing – you can make things work between you. I agree with her, actually."

Charlie nodded, impressed despite his better judgment. "They have overcome a lot of shit. But… I'm not sure coming out publicly is really the best option. Everyone important knows; isn't that enough?"

"Don't you think they'd be great role models though?" Penny asked from behind. "Think of all those young gay kids in middle America who listen to their records and put themselves through agony because they don't think anyone will ever accept them, let alone _love_ them? Imagine they find out one of their greatest heroes is not only gay, but in a healthy, loving relationship and proud of it? Suddenly, they can think of something better to aspire to than being condemned to a life of hiding their true nature and/or cruising parks and bars for unfulfilling sexual encounters with strangers because they don't think they're _worth_ anything more. Wouldn't that be something good; something worthwhile?"

"Well…" Charlie frowned unevenly, glancing back at her. He hadn't ever thought of it like that. He had nothing against homosexuality; he could hardly argue it was destructive considering how things were with Jack and Boone, although Sawyer and Sayid were another kettle of fish altogether. "I suppose. But… if people looked at those two…" He gestured towards Sawyer and Sayid, "…they aren't exactly a shining example of well-adjusted, loving gay guys."

"That's because we ain't fucking gay," Sawyer growled. "How many times do I have to tell ya; Sayid and me are just... look, we both like girls too, all right?"

Charlie had to stifle his laugh, and he got the feeling he wasn't the only one who was having trouble keeping a straight face. Boone and Jack had turned at his words and Jack wasn't even hiding his snort of disbelief. Sawyer was probably feeling bloody grateful that this section of the plane had been reserved for them and their entourage, and everyone present already had some knowledge of his and Sayid's interest in one another. He looked furious now though, and Charlie let out a small snort of his own as he realised that Sayid was smiling too.

"What?" Sawyer followed his gaze, then threw words at Sayid, "You gonna say different? Don't you fuckin' dare."

Sayid shook his head, saying nothing, and Charlie was pretty sure it was only because he too was attempting not to laugh. He kept his eyes downcast on his magazine as Sawyer pushed out of his seat and strode off down the cabin muttering.

"Oh, he is too far gone," Charlie whispered to Claire, letting his mirth surface.

"No one's going to believe him now," she replied, sneaking a look at Sayid before murmuring, "You know, Sayid doesn't seem to care what you just implied. You think...?" She let the question hang.

"No idea, love." Charlie decided he'd had enough of the whole are-they-or-aren’t-they thing going on between Sawyer and Sayid for now. "Let's just concentrate on the tour and let them worry about it, eh?"

"Yeah," Claire grinned, "You're right. After all, there will be plenty of opportunity to watch what happens next, knowing them, won't there?"

"I have a feeling you're not wrong there, love."

He grinned at her and put his headphones on. Appropriately, one of their recent singles was playing on the airplane's sound system. Charlie's smile widened as he heard it.

The title was apt in so many ways: _It'll Fall Into Place_.

~//~//~

**END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading - it's been a long road, and I hope you enjoyed it.


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